Relationship Violence Story From Ne'

by Ne'
(New York, USA)

Abused by another teen from the age of 14 to 19, which includes Order of Protections No arrest and eventually broken bones. The other teen was the victim of watching his parent being abused...I just wanted to have my first boyfriend...Now I am married to someone else after spending all my teen and young adult years escaping my past. The only way I got out was because he is deceased. We had a unplanned child together as a teen which I decided to keep back then so I could have someone to love me unconditionally, and was threatened to keep it as well. I do not trust anyone to give my love to...I realize now that I do not kiss my kids because I am afraid that they will turn on me one day. I am revengeful to anyone who tries to hurt me. I feel destroyed mentally because of my past when it comes to love. How do I make victory out of being a victim in my case. I can't talk to my oldest child to make peace because she will then find out the circumstances surrounding her conception. I can't afford to lose my children so I stay quiet and press on.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Ne'

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Nov 23, 2010
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I wrote this to another visitor this morning, but it applies to you (and all victims of abuse or violence) as well: The only way to overcome the pain of abuse is through it. If we try to circumvent the pain, it haunts us and takes over every aspect of our lives. This has been the case with you, Ne'; you can't display physical affection to your children as a result of what you lived through. You CAN make a choice to give your children what they truly need. But you also need to seek out some form of counseling in order to help you process and deal with once and for all what you lived through at the hands of this violent abuser. You're worth that kind of help. Your children are worthy of having their mother fully present in their lives. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

Nov 27, 2010
by: Helen Louise

I also had a child in order to be loved. I could not be honest with her, either. I had no idea of what feelings were, because the childhood abuse that I had been through had stifled my ability to feel, even to be able to tell my story, for my story had never, never, been important. I felt terrible shame about the way that I had concieved her, so I could not tell her her own story, either.

I have been through so much therapy and it has all been worth it. Most of that terrible pain has been replaced by joy, and I believe in myself now, I accept myself and all my errors, because I know that I do my best with the knowledge and wisdom that I have.

You must start talking about it. Healing cannot start until you face the pain. You might think that you should be able to rise above what happened, but we all carry our history with us and letting yourself grieve over being devalued, especially when you have someone there supporting you, is so healing.

Remember that none of it was your fault, but if you don't seek help you risk passing on all the pain that you experienced.

Look for a help line, or look up Adult Children of Alcoholics or Alanon, or Sex Anon, or whatever 12 Step program is appropriate. You will find people who will believe you about what happened and love you for who you are until you can love yourself. Find a counselor if you need to.

Good luck. My heart goes out to you.

Nov 30, 2010
You are one brave and strong mother/woman
by: maurice

Great you arrived here in Darlene's safe haven to make a new beginning: You will: You will have the will power to do what you know to be best both for you and your children: With Darlene's advice< her loving affirming words from her woman's heart to yours: LOVE will be the winner: You The reason counselling works is because we learn to see things differently: Darlene knows best when she suggests some form of counselling: You need to talk to a professional counsellor: Ne: let your motto be be: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: Why???
BECAUSE I am WORTH it: get my message NE; both you and your children deserve the best because you are a good mother: Even the most horrific of horrors after being abused lose there power to hurt once light has been let in: Ne once you share with the right person Counsellor/Therapist You will put things in perspective for your self and your children; My motto: I WILL etc:

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