Relationship Violence Story From Michelle

by Michelle
(Location Undisclosed)

I never thought in a million years that I would be in an abusive relationship EVER. I had great friends, grades, family and a life until I met him, A. I was madly in love with him and I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world, which I was because now I had someone that liked me.

But things weren't like what you see in the movies. The relationship became horrible. It was physical or verbal, it was emotional and mental abuse. I had the worst time of my life. HE didn't allow me to wear nailpolish or "look good" in front of people. He thought that I was being disloyal to him. So I stopped, I change styles alot so my friends thought that it was just another style phase I was going through. After he said I couldn't wear nailpolish and dress my best I knew something weird was going on but I didn't say anything thinking to's no big deal I mean I don't HAVE to dress good everyday.

Then it slowly turned onto another step. I wasn't allowed to see my friends. Not even in his presence. The only people I was allowed to see were my family. I kept making excuses with my friends everytime they wanted to hang out to the point they just stopped calling me altogether. I was miserable and lonely without my 'girlfriends' in my life. I used to cry sometimes and I spoke to him about it. He always said "It's me or them...your choice." I was stupid enough to think that I was madly in love with him that I chose him. Things only got worse. He never treated me like his girl, he never said I love you or you look pretty. He made me feel like s**t all the time. Sometimes he used to ignore me and he used to ditch me and hang out with his friends.

I broke all the rules, got a manicure, dressed up really nice and tried to patch my friendships with all the people that I lost. When he confronted me about it and threatened me. I used to irritate him and if he tried to touch me I would freak out. He finally got the picture and backed out because I had transformed into making him back off.

My life is getting better and I'm glad that I broke off from him. If you're in the same situation as I it's not worth it, this isn't love it's torture. Don't make the same mistake I did. Smart people can make the stupidest mistakes and that's what I did.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Michelle

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Jun 10, 2010
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm SO proud of you for realizing that you were (are) worthy of dignity and respect! What you described is SO typical of abusers; they control and manipulate, and they isolate their victims from friends (and usually family too) in order to keep them controlled. Without friends, the victim doesn't have a support system; which is what an abuser wants. In the end, you were smart. You found your self-esteem. You took back control, and thus your power. Be proud of that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me and for your all-important message.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series

Jun 10, 2010
wow you are so strong
by: kristen

Hi Michelle,

Wow. I am in awe of you. You are so strong.

I know I am in an abusive relationship. It is different. But I just can't do anything. My relationship is different. It is not like not allowed to see others. Actually just the opposite. He wants me always dressed up he controls my clothes and everything. The similarity is that he controls. But he wants me looking sexy all the time. Smiling, happy, out there. So controlling. But I am scared to say no. Not of physical abuse. Yes he hits me but it is spanking. Disciplie. He has never lost his temper. He has never punched me or kicked me or even threatened me. Just treats me as a child or a pet. I just can not face the thought of leaving as this would mean leaving my family, my friends, my kids. None of them would understand. I would be just so alone. They all think he is wonderful and that we are a wonderful couple.

But I do think you did the right thing.Go girl.


Jun 20, 2010
When does love hit in whenwe beging building relationships: ???
by: maurice

Michelle: great you have taken charge of your own dignity and destiny: (Your LIFE) Well done, you sure are a heroine to many womaen who find themselves in such abusive and controlled relationships supposeingly in the name of LOVE: I fell madly in love when the one I fell in love only like me: Get to know me before you say you either like me or love me that should be the yardstick to monitor one's level of loving or liking: Michelle; Darlene has a womans heart for you especially in her comment: Heed them and be totally proud of yourself: Stay Safe: Be Safe: My prayer is that Kristen will be safe too and get away from her contolling liking friend: He does not have respect for her: He is only using her: Michelle I hope your courage will help to get a life of her own: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Be active and alive with other like-minded people your own age and gender in sporting and cultural activities: Oh yes, Michelle I believe this is the most natiural way to build up your own self image/worth/esteem in the company of team mates and togetherness in groups: There is safety in numbers: You'll make real friends and life long aquaintances when you do: Freaks like your man will stay away because they know you have the support of genuine and real friends: It was a pity your friends did not stand by you and turn on your with you: He certainly would have gotten the message: Michelle, good on you and with Darlene I am ever so happy for you: Heed her comment and live your life to the full:

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