Relationship Violence Story From Lauren

by Lauren

I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We met when I was 17. There were always signs, but at first I really loved him. Now I really don't. I now see very clearly what he does: the manipulation, the control, blaming me for what he does, the swearing and violence. But I let myself believe the voices of fear that I just can't break up with him, and that maybe things will get better, or that it's not that bad. But nothing ever gets better. He will never change. And even if he did, it would be too late.

I'm so frustrated, that I won't leave and go out and enjoy myself, be myself again. I have no strength. I feel so lost. I do talk to my friends, but find it too hard to open up to my parents. I can't admit to the way I've been treated by him because it would hurt them so much. I really hate what he's done to my life. He won't ever change because he doesn't even see what he's done. He's rarely apologised, and if he does, he goes on to tell me how it was my fault and I left him with no other choice.

Like the time when he made a joke, putting me down in front of his friends, which led to a drunken fight of him swearing at me, pulling my arm and leaving a bruise on my face from covering my mouth when I screamed to get away from him. So many incidents like that have happened: him banning me from drinking without him and going out without him for a year, while he went out without me, always implying that I'm flirting with other guys, always needing to know where I am, always telling me to come over to his house and making extreme demands on me to prove my commitment.

He's hit me, shoved me, called me a bitch and slut. He was my first, and I trusted him. Then he said to me, if I ever got pregnant, "You know you couldn't keep it, don't you." Yet I think to myself, it isn't that bad. Your boyfriend should never ever lay one hand on you. He should never say one mean-spirited thing to you, because it isn't love.

I don't love my boyfriend anymore. I resent him for all that I have lost. I don't trust him not to hurt me. I don't feel safe, comfortable, or protected when I am with him. This is not love, and I understand that I shouldn't be hard on myself because of the dynamics of an abusive relationship. But I need to get out. His behaviour won't change because he doesn't see it. He doesn't have to face the consequences of his actions. All that he does comes from his own insecurities.

Any abusive guy is not strong or powerful. They are weak and so very insecure. You must get out, because it only gets worse.

I hope my story can help someone.

Darlene's comments to this "Relationship Violence Story From Lauren" can be found below.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Lauren

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May 18, 2008
Talk, talk, TALK to your parents...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Lauren, your story may well help others, but at this point, it's you who needs the most help here.

You said: "I do talk to my friends, but find it too hard to open up to my parents. I can't admit to the way I've been treated by him because it would hurt them so much." You cannot allow this fear of hurting your parents to interfere with your desperate needs. My god, Lauren, trust me when I say that your parents would never in a million years forgive themselves if your boyfriend did the unthinkable. Trust me when I say that your boyfriend is headed toward escalated violence that could result in serious injury to you. You MUST confide in your parents. The hurt they might feel—a heavy emphasis on the words might feel—in learning about the way your boyfriend currently treats you wouldn't even come close to the torturous heartbreak they would feel if your boyfriend seriously harmed you, and that you didn't feel confident in their ability to be there for you. If your boyfriend harms you, (and he already has!) and they then had to face that you didn't trust them enough to confide in them, that they didn't do their job as parents to keep you safe from harm, they would always wonder what they did wrong. They would always blame themselves for what happened to you.

So you see, Lauren, you MUST tell your parents. They can help to protect you. That's their job as parents. Approach them with honesty. Tell them that you are afraid. Tell them that this boy is hurting you. Tell them that you don't know what to do. Tell them what you've told me and all my visitors to this site. Tell them that you need their help. Don't underestimate the power they have as your parents. You owe yourself nothing less. They love you and would go to the ends of the earth to keep you safe.
Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

May 18, 2008
I've been there
by: Maren

Please tell your parents!! I was in a very similar relationship and my boyfriend showed the same symptoms as yours. I was engaged to marry this man. I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone that wanted nothing more than to control and manipulate my life. He wanted to aleinate me from my friends, I wasn't allowed to look nice, wear make-up, and when we argued if I talked while he was yelling at me, all hell broke loose. Much worse things happened to me, I ended up raped and brutalized. And what was worse than that... a broken spirit. Believe it or not I stayed with him for 4 more months after that happened. Then, finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I told my mom. She cried and we told my dad. With there strength and support I was able to walk away with my head held high and my spirit healing.

Jun 14, 2008
by: Anonymous

That's what they're there for. For pity sake, don't worry about what they're going to think about you because you have a boyfriend who is abusive. If you were my daughter I'd be inconsolable if anything happened to you. PLEASE TELL YOUR PARENTS!!!!!

Aug 25, 2008
He's no good.
by: Some kid in a T-shirt

I know the subject states the obvious, but still. PLEASE tell your parents or a cop or something. I mean, he will hurt you in ways beyond typing if you don't get away. I know I'm a stupid kid, what do I know? Enough to care about what happens to you, that's what!

May 20, 2009
A year older A year wiser
by: maurice

Oh Lauren I hope that is the story you could relate back to Darlene and her many visitors who emphatised with you in the telling of your story of abuse a year ago. Lauren hopefully by now you have put in place all that Darlene suggested in her loving words to you a year ago. 90% of parents are loving, caring and understanding of their children no matter what the problems so trust and love your parents. Your special friends are the precious people in your life. I am sure you have genuine, sincere and loving friends who you share all your intimate feelings and stuff with. walk with them, talk with them and live your life to the full with them each day you take your head of that pillow. You are special, era go on and say I'm special and always believe in yourself.

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