Relationship Violence Story From Fading

by Name Undisclosed
(South Africa)

The father of my child endured horrible abuse from both his parents. I have tried so hard to help him get past the hurt, shame and hate. But he is so angry at the world. I fear he might abuse our son. He hurt me while I was pregnant, a couple of times. Usually when he was drunk but that does not excuse his behaviour toward me and our unborn child. We have broken up and tried so many times again but this time I can't. I see the patterns of abusive behaviour and even though the honeymoon phase is bliss I know it won't last. I don't know how to help him not turn into his father who beat and scalded his mother. He has a history of alcohol and drug abuse, he lies, manipulates and threatens. He doesn't have much money because he can't keep a proper job. I don't know how to break this cycle of abuse but I am not prepared to let him break my little boy.





Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Dec 17, 2012
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You have every right to be worried that the father of your child will abuse your son. His pattern of behaviour is not exclusive to you; he is filled with rage and hostility at what he witnessed as a child himself and at what he's told himself is acceptable because of what he witnessed. He was likely also on the receiving end of abuse. What is important for you to understand is that you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. And even if he did want help, he would still be too volatile, too dangerous to be around because anything can trigger his anger, especially if he's drinking or doing drugs. Drinking and drugs are not excuses, as you noted; but they are part of the problem and can bring on escalated violence. You and your son are in danger staying in this relationship. You're right about the honeymoon period not (and never) lasting. In fact, what will happen over time and more cycles of violence is that the tension & violence episode phases will be greater & greater and eventually will squeeze out the honeymoon period altogether. In order to stop the cycle of violence, you must first tell your Self that you and your son are worthy of both dignity and respect. Tell everyone you know what this man is capable of, how he has hurt you, and your fears for your son. Reach out to any and all the organizations and helplines available to you in your area. Search your browser with the keyword phrase: domestic violence hotline in South Africa. Lean on your family and friends. Do not be ashamed, because you have nothing to be ashamed of. Reach for the help YOU need. It's up to your son's father to reach out for the help HE needs. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Does Your Relationship make the Grade? by: Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From the Talk Before Touching™ Series
Does Your Relationship Make the Grade?

Dec 17, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To Name Undisclosed, and my other visitors to this thread, I've deleted 6 separate comments from this particular commenter who leaves posts that are judgmental and wholly inappropriate. I cannot block her, but I'll continue to delete her comments before they ever go live on the site.

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