Relationship Violence Story From Alexis

by Alexis
(Los Angeles, CA, United States)

I am 18 years old and I have recently ended my seven month relationship with my ex boyfriend. Everything was going perfectly, but what I did notice was every time I got out from school and we went home in the public bus he would always be on top of me he wouldn't give me my space. The first two months I felt like a goddess thinking wow he really likes me I felt lucky and I liked the feeling. Then three months came in our relationship where it was beginning to be too much and very irritating. I tried to tell him the best way I could in order not to hurt his feelings I noticed that every time I told him he would get his feelings hurt and he would drastically change his expression and I wouldn't understand why he would do that. I didn't say anything bad all I was asking for respect. The next day I went to school and my friends and teachers and my parents all told me that he was too clingy, possessive, and insecure. Each time people would tell me that I would get upset and defended him I was too blind to see. I was a B student and all of a sudden I became a C, D, and F student I let my grades drop because every day he would come to my house and spend the whole day here. My mom disliked that she always told me he shouldn't be staying this late because I had homework but I wouldn't listen. There was not a time we were not together and when we were not together he would always call me more than four times a day telling me how much he misses me when am I going to come back home. At this point I felt that he was in complete control of my life I was being distant from my family little by little I didn't talk to my friends anymore because every time my friends would come he would somehow always have a hand on me or try to kiss me every 10 seconds that passed I wouldn't talk comfortably with them. I got upset at him one day that I wanted time of my own to think things through and I don't know what got through his head that he chased me from the store to my house and when he saw that I kept walking he grabbed my wrists and squeezed them I knew the way he was grabbing me wasn't right. I told him he was hurting me and he didn't let go until I said it again and he finally let go of me his face was so red of anger he was someone I didn't know. He later apologized and I forgave him and thought he was going to change, but I was completely wrong. I noticed everything got worse little by little but I didn't want to see it. The next day he knew he did wrong and he brought me roses and I thought to myself he loves me he wouldn't do anything to harm me. The next week he asked me if I would marry him and I told him we were to young to be thinking about that he said he would take care of me and fulfill my needs, but that's when I said that we were still too young and he got mad and squeezed me tight where I couldn't move and the more I tried to move the tighter I felt. I later told him not to touch me like that again and that's when he grabbed me by my wrists again and I told him he was being to aggressive. He then grabbed my shoulders tight and since I was trying to move he tilted my head up to look him into his eyes and when I wouldn't he squeezed me tighter to look at him in the eyes and he forced a kiss on me. I didn't want him to force a kiss on me and he got mad to the point where he tightened his hands and looked at me with so much anger where if he could he would hit me. Then my mom heard everything and told me to come inside and he just started crying and pleading that he wasn't being aggressive or hurting me. I then said I had enough of this and I broke up with him because he was already hurting me and I didn't want it to get worse. From there my mom told me to not go back with him because he will hurt me if I go back. A month has passed and I haven't gone back with him, but there's times where I feel unsafe because when I go to school I see him there when he's not suppose to be there or I see him at my house pleading for forgiveness and crying or verbally abusing me online and when he's done saying everything he has to say he then says sorry for saying hurtful things. At school I sometimes feel alone because people tell me how come you broke up with him he was such a good guy to you. The truth is nobody knows the story about us you have to experience it before you start judging. There are times where I just feel alone and seem to want to go back with him because I think to myself who's going to show me the love and attention he gave me? I hope I don't commit the wrong decision because right now I feel free and I don't feel controlled anymore like before.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Alexis

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Nov 23, 2011
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

This boy is the typical abuser, and you got caught up in the cycle of violence. Everything you described is exactly what happens when one is caught in the cycle. The honeymoon period, where he buys you flowers and apologizes, is not love at all. It's a phase in the cycle. This boy is not capable of love at this point in his life. He's only capable of controlling and manipulating. He's deeply troubled, but you can't help him. He needs to get help for himself. You are in danger if you do go back to him. Your mother is right about him. And the fact that your friends don't understand what happened is because of the isolation you began to experience as a result of his control. Don't ever allow yourself to be isolated from family and friends. Tell everyone why you broke up with him. Don't be ashamed, because you have nothing to be ashamed of. Consider contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) if you find yourself with him again or if you need some resources. They have advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week who can provide crisis intervention, escape planning, information and referrals to victims or anyone calling on their behalf. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser:

You're worthy of being treated with dignity and respect, Alexis. The fact that you broke up with him tells me that your still believe that. Always believe that, because it's true. Love doesn't hurt. Love isn't smothering. Love never involves fear. At 18, don't worry that you won't find anyone. It's that mindset that may well put you at further risk for choosing another abuser. Treat your Self with dignity and respect first and foremost, Alexis. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series

Apr 20, 2012
by: Anonymous

This is what scares me the most about dating. You never really know how a guy's going to be until you two start a relationship. I'm glad you're ok, Alexis. Let us know how you're doing!

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