No Help For Son

by Diana
(Texas, USA)

My 12 year old son has molested his 10 yr old sister. He was molested as a small child. We contacted CPS as we were advised to do and they have us putting him in a room with an alarm if the door opens it goes off. Now they are saying they are closing the case, and for us to continue to do what we are doing. They did NOTHING to help us. I think it is a form of child abuse to lock him in a room. He needs help, not locked away! We are trying to get him in a treatment facility and all the ones we have found only take children with cps referral. So we asked them to refer him and they said they do NOT remove kids where the parents are being protective! I am in Texas and don't know what to do to help my son.




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Comments for No Help For Son

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Oct 29, 2014
Diana:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You and your son and daughter are caught in a terrible loophole. I personally don't have advice to offer that will help your son, not given the way the system works, or should I say doesn't work. I can only post your story and hope that one of my visitors has the expertise you are looking for. I do fear for your daughter's emotional well-being having your son in the same home. As their mother, I know this is an impossible dilemma, but that doesn't make her fears any less evident, especially if there were threats involved or implied. She may well go on believing that her brother was chosen over her; and that will have lasting implications. There simply isn't enough done to help children who molest, which means parents in your situation are forced to what amounts to choosing one over the other. If you shun your son, that likely doesn't help him. If you send him away, you send him the message that you've shunned him, even if you keep loving contact with him. As his mother, you want what's best for him, but you also want to protect you daughter from any additional molestations. If you keep them both under the same roof, even with safety precautions in place, you send an undesirable message to your daughter. What a dreadful conundrum for any parent.

Clearly, the system isn't set up for rehabilitation; it's set up for prevention. But the CPS version of prevention isn't enough. Perhaps you and your family situation can bring purpose to this and ultimately help bring much needed change to the woefully inadequate system. I send you all love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 30, 2014
brother chosen over sister
by: Anonymous

This happened to me. My brother molested me and my Mother protected HIM... I still feel guilty that I let him molest me - I was seven and nine when it happened. He says I was a willing partner and I had a therapist who said it was my fault, basically - that I orally copulated him at age seven...

I never felt clean enough to have children. I did finally confront my brother when he sent me a picture of himself holding his new granddaughter. I am just SICK about his being a father and grandfather. I told him I wish I could protect his children from him. He divorced his wife of 32 years - she asked me if he had raped me and I told her I would NEVER tell her what happened between us as children.

It lasts a lifetime and beyond. There is a good book called "Stolen Tomorrows" by Steve Levenkron about being molested and it lasting a lifetime.
I had therapy with people that blamed me for my behavior. Not a good place to be. Only now, at age 61, I am finally with a therapist who helps me love the little girl I was. But it is too late for me to have children. One of my therapists told me he thought my "destiny" was to "torture myself"! I think that is the BEGINING of therapy, not the conclusion.
There is a LOT of sickness about sibling incest that shocks even the professionals who discover it. They don't know how to help someone who is survivor of incest.
I am just grateful for my current therapist who is just teaching me about being lovable NOW...

Feb 23, 2015
There IS an answer!
by: Denise

My heart aches for what you and your children have endured. I honor you in your courage to reach out for help and tell your story! I was a victim of abuse as a small child and can feel your pain and hopelessness.

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