Lifelong Effects of What Some Do Not Consider Child Abuse

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Lifelong Effects of What Some Do Not Consider Child Abuse

by Ashamed
(USA)

Lifelong effects after being hit/spanked:
By many people's standards you could say that my upbringing wasn't abusive, but it affected me and the effects still linger. From the time that I was a little girl and I was spanked By my father I started having spanking fantasies which involved a man and a little girl. I found these fantasies to be very sexually satisfying and I've had them throughout my childhood and adolescence and adulthood. As a child I didn't even care that I was going to be hit or spanked, I became more and more defiant got hit/spanked more and more and was constantly having those fantasies of beatings. As an adult I have a problem with self mutilation. It has become obsessive. I can't seem to stop. I scratch myself until it hurts then I put a bandaid with ointment on it and it heals and then I do it again. I used to do it until it would bleed. I also was very sexually repressed for many years and it took years of therapy for me to get out of it. I have trouble being assertive and independent because I was taught to be submissive. Losing weight and looking good and attractive creates tremendous anxiety within me because I can't seem to bear looking attractive. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I'm glad your site exists. I needed to get this of my chest.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Lifelong Effects of What Some Do Not Consider Child Abuse

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Feb 23, 2011

I will not refer to you as "ashamed", rather as Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Being "ashamed" implies you've done something wrong, yet you've done nothing wrong. You've been left with the residual of a form of so-called discipline that I believe should be outlawed, in part for the reasons you outlined above. Spanking DOES cause sexual stimulation, but all too often parents refuse to accept this fact. Being left with sexual fantasies of being spanked is not at all uncommon for children who have had this type of discipline imposed on them. It's not the only factor...I recognize that those who have not been spanked can also be left with such fantasies; but nonetheless, it's a big factor. Now you're left with shame (albeit unwarranted), anxiety, depression, self-harming, etc. You mentioned receiving therapy for sexual repression; I strongly suggest more counseling in order to deal with the underlying reasons for the remaining repercussions. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Feb 25, 2011

your not the only one
by: Scott 1

(sigh) I understand exactly what you are saying. I understand exactly what you are going through. Though for me it has subsided with age, its still there. It cant be unhooked, just ignored. A part of daily life. But like I wrote its not near as bad as when I was young. About the time I had reached 11 I was a mess, a mess of secrets, shame, anxiety, panic attacks and fantasies repeating the same scenerio. The way it was done to me..over and over and over. Trapped in it as the world continued on its way. Im tired right now from just repeating it and writing it down again. You, my friend, are not alone. And Im sorry. An apology because someone has to say it. Im still waiting for mine.

Feb 26, 2011

letting go ain't as easy we still need help to erase memories
by: maurice

I like many can empatise with you in this regard: Parent's and God knows there were many who used this form of (so called discipline) spanking their children/adolecents and even when there children were young adults: I had this form of discipline imposed on me from the age of a 11 until I was 18 years of age: I was so scared, innocent, nieve I never told my mother who was single and lived away from where this form of discipline was being dished out: Only recently I was speaking with many onthers who were in this school. Had being spanked beaten on their bare bottoms effected their attitude to their sexuality: I'm afraid like you a few said it had: with all the fantansies etc you have had: I sure get great consolation when Darlene writes a comment on having these feelings and fantansies: I used to self spank from time to time thinking exactly as you: But with the help of counselling I accepted I must let it go when the urge comes: Darlene sure is right when she says spanking does cause sexual stimulation: The parent's or who-ever used this form of discipline have no sense or feelings the effects this has had on a percent of children/adolecent/young adults: I know many who were controlled by their father's belt well into their late teens and early 20's until they left home: Sadly father's were the main culprit's as they were regarded by church and state to be the bread-winners for their families and as such ruled with a firm hand: Having shared my fantasies with a therapist/counsellor I have been able to let go of my fantasies and live a reasonable normal healthy sexual life without dwelling on them when the urge comes and by God it does quite strongly from time to time: Please get some form of counselling it will help alot Thank you Darlene your loving care, help and advice is a blessing to me in your honest comments about the effects spanking/corporal punishment can an does have and leave lasting effect on us who received it as a form of discipline: Your advice is ever so helpful when you encourage some form of counselling to your visitors:Your site is a real healing and new beginnings to deal with these effects:

Feb 27, 2011

Lonely
by: Scott 1

I have still not found another person who was witness to my "experience." Its very lonely being the only person crying wolf. Knowing that these teachers, these authority figures enjoy impunity. What a dream job for a person suffering/enjoying this sexual deviation. I have researched enough to know that many parents had their child transfered to another teacher/classroom when even a lesser form of this sort of power trip was discovered. Its dicusting violaion ...and done publically. And then have my peers today minimize it. Of course because it didnt happen to them. I feel mauled. Im glad you Maurice have found others from your school to relate to. And to the original editor of this letter, this form of home punishment was as common as rice crispies. Probably still is, just gone underground. Thank you Darlene for this place to at least let some of it out, a place where I am not shrugged off. Unlike my own comminity. Maurice, have you ever gotten an apology?

Feb 27, 2011

No My abuser died a number of years ago
by: maurice

The only relieve and re-assurance is from my friends, counselling from time to time should I feel I need to let go further: It is also comforting to know many of the others boys have acknowledged they were abused with me so we can empatise with each other from time to time: I guess abuse is personal to each one of us: We live with the exerience and the effects it had on us at the time it happened: But letting go is healing and I have done that with the help certainly of Darlene loving vision site: Therapy and real friends Thanks for asking Scott 1 Thanks too to the oringinal writer Please Don't be ashamed as Darlene asked you not: YOU did nothing wrong: Always believe in yourself: Be a winner: Live your life to the full knowing that:

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Lifelong Effects of What Some Do Not Consider Child Abuse

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Lifelong Effects of What Some Do Not Consider Child Abuse