Is it sexual abuse when parents have sex in front of a child?

by Ronald M.
(Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada)

I was wondering if parents having sexual intercourse with a child present in the room (while the child is asleep or not) would constitute sexual abuse?? I shared a room with my parents for my first 2-3 years due to circumstances beyond my control. While I have no recollection of such events, and I am not making accusations, given what I know about my parents it wouldn't surprise me, and it would explain a lot about me. I know I wouldn't want to have sex in front of anyone, let alone kids.

Thanks.

Note from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "Is it sexual abuse when parents have sex in front of a child?" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Comments for Is it sexual abuse when parents have sex in front of a child?

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 03, 2008
Definition of sexual abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Children throughout the ages have inadvertently "caught" their parents in the throes of passion. Years ago—and even today—when the family income didn't allow for separate bedrooms for the children of the family, it was not uncommon for children to share a bedroom with their parents; and thus, be exposed to the sexual relations of their parents. In the days of one-room homes, it wasn't given a second thought. Today, it would be considered inappropriate, but it would not be classified as sexual abuse. The definition of child sexual abuse is when the abuse takes place for the sexual gratification of the abuser(s).

However, a young child's limited understanding of what s/he has witnessed can leave that child traumatized, believing "Daddy was hurting Mommy" or other such understandably misconstrued perceptions. That is why it is important for parents to speak to their child about what that child saw, in a manner that is age appropriate: For a very small child, "Mommy and Daddy were sharing a special cuddle" is an example of such an explanation.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 09, 2009
My parents having sex infront of me
by: Anonymous

My parents used to have sex infront of me when i was younger, about 8, and the memories have scarred me, they used to be so loud and my mum used to squirt and i saw pretty much everything. sometimes they would have friends over for an orgy and thats when they made me go to bed but i could hear everything

Oct 01, 2009
child abuse
by: Anonymous

when i was on holiday in india when i was 7 we slept in 1 room as it was cooler there, it was my dad,mum,2 yr old brother and me. without checking if i had fallen asleep or not they started 2 have sex,noises and everything, different positions. After that at the age of 7 i became quiet n js wntd 2 leave home. I repressed this until i was 16 n & woke up 2 find them havin anal sex 11 in the morning. 3 years of complaining about my dads 'snoring' they now think they can have sex quietly as they attempted while also in india and 1 room this year. It is only now im finding the courage to see a counsellor. I think people should consider it to be a form of child or any type of mental abuse as it can really negatively damage a person's mind permanently

Oct 15, 2009
a mistake
by: ali

In may opinion, maybe it's not child abuse but it's emotionally hurting child in a way that's not easily noncompensable and in some cases. I believe these couples are not mature enough to raise a child.expressing love might be instructive for the child but not further than hugging. that's surely because the child(due to lack of sexual understanding) interprets the intercourse az a struggle in which the more powerful dad is beating the defenceless mom.

Oct 25, 2009
Still have nightmares
by: Anonymous

When my parents and I would travel on vacation, we would stay in the same hotel room. I went on vacations with my parents up until I was 18. My parents would have sex with each other in the next bed, not even five feet away. I still have nightmares about them "doing it". And to this day, I cannot have sex with my husband if my kids are awake and in our house. I have to know that they are all sleeping. Even when everyone is in their own rooms and our bedroom door is closed and locked.

I honestly don't think that parents realize how traumatic their having sex in front of their children really is. No one wants to imagine their parents doing that, much less have to see and hear them as well.

Nov 14, 2009
opinion
by: Anonymous

i just think that anyone who hasn't experienced it would obviously say its not that big a deal and isnt abuse in any type of way

Nov 14, 2009
I have..
by: Anonymous

also been in the room & would have to agree that it is just not something I should have witnessed at a young age (or any age for that matter!)..should be private in opinion. Grosses me out just thinking about it!

Nov 16, 2009
my opinion
by: Anonymous

i grew up having to have seen my parents have sex..it screwed me up...at the age of 10 i walkd in the living room,,my parents were alcoholics/addicts...so most of the time out of there mind..anyway my mother was giving my dad a blowjob and he didnt even care if i was there..i think it is abuse im still scarred to this day..i ve been woken up to my mother sleeping in bed with me,and my father would come in wanting to have sex with her in the same bed i was in...to know he wouldnt have cared less hurt me.

Nov 24, 2009
unfair!
by: tegs

Im sorry but i have been subject to this humiliation also, and although it hurt and has scarred me for life it is not SEX ABUSE! I was 3 when i remember my first encounter with my mum and dad, right upto when i was 8, both heavy drinkers, both didnt care about me, but i remember every single detail they did together. The sad thing is it effected me in more ways than one, i wanted to do the same thing, when i was 5 i found a joy of sex book and tried to act out not only what i had seen my mum and dad do but also what i seen in the book...... on my teddy!!! parents having sex is not a crime or sexual assault, harasment or abuse, but for gods sake think about your kids, i have two and would never ever subject them to what i went through, and thats only the tip of the ice burg!!!!! I want to say so much more but i cant.

Dec 01, 2009
yes its abuse
by: yunggurl18

MAYB ITS NOT ABUSE BUT MENTALLY IT IS I WAS 3 AND MY MOM AND HER BOYFRIEND HAD SEX IN A BED RIGHT IN FRONTOF ME..AFTER THAT I WALKED IN ON HER HAVING SEX A COUPLE MORE TMES THROUGH THE YEARS..NOW IM 18 AND IM ADDICTED TO MASTURBATING AND ILL HAVESEX WITH JUS ABOUT ANY GUY IM ATTRACTED TO...ITS ALL BECAUSE OF WHAT I USED TO SEE.SO YES IT IS A FORM OF ABUSE..THINK OF IT THIS WAY WOULD U WANT YOUR YOUNG CHILD WATCHING PORN..NO OF COURSE NOT WELL GUESS WAT U HAVING SEX IN FRONT OF THEM IS THE EXACT SAMETHING...AND TO SUBJECT YOUR CHILD TO PORN IS ILLEGAL THEN YES ITS ABUSE.

Dec 03, 2009
totally against parents doing that
by: Anonymous

yah my mom would do stuff with my step dad while i was "sleeping" and I was really really upset about it. They didn't even have covers on at one point, and I think now why the hell didnt they go to the washroom, why in the hell did they have to do it with me 2 feet away on a different bed, when obviously i could have woken up. That is SO irresponsible and I have a lot of anger about that still to this day. I am just really upset that they couldnt have cared enough to just go into the washroom or other room. SUCH bad parenting. I am totally against it, it is very selfish of them

Dec 13, 2009
I hear ya
by: Anonymous

Personally, I find it a form of mental abuse. I know some people mention that in some societies, past and present, families lived in one room dwellings but the reality now is that people don't live in single-room dwellings anymore, at least not for a great number of people here in the States so we're in different times and we can't expect people to react to things now in the exact same way as people may have done back then. Different times, man. Anyway, yes I've been in the same room when my parents were having relations and although it didn't click what was going on back then (I was slightly curious as to what was going on though) it's come back to have latent consequences nowadays. So fast forward to today when I mention it to my mother, who's always been an advocate of doing things properly around children and knows, knows that some things ARE inappropriate to do in the presence of your kid, she tries to play it off like it were nothing. BS. There's a lot of other family stuff associated with my perspective on this whole topic so it might seem out of context but let's just say it has to do with parental hypocrisy. Sex between parents is okay, I suppose, but keep that s**t away from your kids, man.

Dec 14, 2009
It results in suffering of child
by: Anonymous

I used to share bed with my father from the early childhood and I don't remember the exact age. It was bout the time when I was more than 6 years of age I started realising that sometimes my mom comes to sleep with my dad late at night. I became curious to know what exactly happens. Soon I came to know about what they do at those times, their voices, their actions and everything. I was really terrified by this scene and then on wards I stared thinking of my father as cruel and I had all the pity for my mom, which at later age seemed to me as a hatred towards father. Parents should be careful about these things.

Jan 07, 2010
dad & stepmom having sex
by: shalynn

Dad abandonned mom and all 4 kids at gramas wake in another city with no vehicle or money. mom's family flat out would not help. people in 2 different trips drove mom and the 4 kids home for money. dad called children's aid society and they took us kids into foster care based on dad's false allegations. mom has supervised visitations. we are all hurt and no one will listen to us cause dad is lying. dad gets free visitation whenever he wants. 2 of us refused visitation with him. the 2 younger ones can not refuse. they spent xmas watching dad having sex with the new stepmom. my brother came back to us crying and never wants to go with dad again yet he gets no choice. we told our workers and they do not listen. our lawyers do not listen. the judges do not listen. no body listens and nobody cares. dad is an idiot and mom rocks. Why are we here. Everyone is ****** up. we have been held prisoners here for 8 months and there is no proof of mom wrongdoing. now what?........

Jan 22, 2010
SEXUAL ABUSE INDEED!
by: GodsChild

I witnessed this as young as I can remember as well as experienced physical abuse. This should be treated as a crime and punishable by law. I think it's perverted and scars children. Here's a list of problems that occured: SEVERE AGORAPHOBIA/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/EATING DISORDERS/SELF-MUTILATION/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/ACTING OUT WHAT YOU'VE WITNESSED AT AN EARLY AGE ON OTHERS. People need to put their children first and stop being selfish.

Jan 22, 2010
reply to GodsChild
by: Anonymous

re: Jan 22, 2010
SEXUAL ABUSE INDEED!
by: GodsChild

i am so sorry this happened to you. (((HUGS!!)))

you are correct, and there will be all sorts of excuses, etc. offered to those of us who feel likewise.

we know the truth.

Jan 24, 2010
covert sexual abuse
by: Anonymous

If a parent exposes themselves, has sex in front of children, allows pornography to be seen, etc. this is not overt(physical sexual abuse) but overt (non physical sexual abuse. It is awful, and I am a survivor. I experienced my parents having sex in a hotel bedroom 3 feet away from my bed. I heard everything and remember covering my ears and face to not hear it. I was 16 at the time and it is a recurring photographic memory that I will never forget, to say it is not sexual abuse is denial.

Feb 01, 2010
Borderline Abuse
by: Anonymous

I never saw my own parents having sex,(though I did hear them once when they thought we were out...yuck.) However, my in-laws did start sc***ing in their hotel room bed a few feet from where my baby daughter and I were sleeping. I was stunned...so to let them know that I was awake, i cleared my throat loudly enough for them to hear it.(over the grunting) They just kept at it. Also saw my father-in-law walking around naked in the hotel room, with the shades open and my husband blithely sitting by typing on his computer. Ew. (Saw this by accident and still have the image burned in my mind.) Well, the in-laws have turned out to be controlling an manipulative to a degree I could have never imagined. I just have the sense that there could be a history of abuse. We are getting divorced, and so I'm not really sure if I want to know. They are very involved in my daughter's life, but also highly controlling and secretive...actually this has been bothering me for a while...Is there any way to find out these things? Obviously I can't ask them.

Feb 10, 2010
IT IS ABUSE if parents know that you are there and dont stop!
by: Anonymous

When your parents KNOW that you are in the room and do not stop then it IS abuse. I am 45 years old and remembered that my parents having oral sex in front of me when I was barely 3, maybe even 2 yrs old. I was just wandering around the living room and they were on the couch. Years later in my late 20's I was with my now husband, having sex and I had a flashback and starting screaming, it freaked out my boyfriend, but I had always had this image in my mind and remembered it vividly.

I remember being very afraid as a toddler, because it is weird and strange.

Then when I was older my parents' bedroom was next door to mine, and I did not have a door to my bedroom, so I hand no real privacy. People thought it was odd that I did not have a bedroom door. It was technically not a bedroom, it was like a room off to the side of the stairs with no place to even put a door frame.

Well, many nights I was around 8 or 9 I'd say, I would hear my parents having sex, my dad talking loudly, really graphic words and details and disgusting talk, it was as if I was watching the whole thing. I would just be thinking about my mom, stop, fight, yell back, say something, stop it!

One night I woke up in the middle of the night and then they were done, I was crying and talked to my mom. They were coming back up the stairs, she knew why I woke up, but I just remembering thinking how she probably thought it was funny.

It was more like rape to me, even thought it wasnt, but in my head it was since she never spoke back or made any noise, I would only hear my dad saying things.

Very disgusting to go through that as a child.

Feb 11, 2010
YES IT IS ABUSE
by: Anonymous

my heart goes out to the above poster and to everyone who has suffered.

when my parents divorced i had one parent do it to themselves in the next bed when we had to share a room (is that worse or less than two people doing it huh ) and you know what i did not see it i only had to listen to the damn noises and i was aware of what was going on and i asked that person to stop and they wouldnt.it happened more than once i beleive.

I was so traumtised by this i repressed those memories and it wasnt until i was in my twenties that i remebered them and when i did i went to pieces.
i told one doctor and he told me it wasnt considered abuse. i told a therapist and yes it is considered abuse and since a therapist knows more about therapy and the mind and trauma than a gp who does not specialise in that area, and since i know myself the mental pain i have felt and had to deal with all my life i know damn well it can be traumatising.

if you look at my life all the symptoms of child sex abuse are there loud and clear and there is no denying that it can have a bad traumatising effect on children which lasts into adulthood and scars for life. it is child abuse.

Feb 11, 2010
i agree with the last poster
by: Anonymous

i agree its child abuse and it is the same as making a child watch porn which is child sex abuse. where is my last comment i dont know.

Feb 14, 2010
Not even the parents
by: Anonymous

I am thinking of legally pressing charges against my ex-husband and his girlfriend for having staying in the same hotel room with my 12 years old son and having sex in the bed only a few feet away while my son was listening to every moment. I know my son loves his father but I find it disgusting that he was basically "forced" to listen as he could not leave the room. This is probably going to be remembered as his first sexual experience which really, really saddens me. I don't want to keep my son from the father that he loves but it isn't it WRONG to just run the risk of this possibly happening again. I feel like pressing charges against him and his (girlfriend) and filing for sole custody of my son but then (I fear) my son (will) hate me for keeping him away from his father.

From Darlene: Anonymous, when commenting on this site, I ask that you please refrain from using the language you used when referring to your ex's girlfriend. Whatever anger and hostility you are feeling, it is inappropriate to come onto my site--a site where children and adolescents visit regularly--and express that anger using such an inappropriate term. As for your other options, I suggest you contact an attorney and a child psychologist.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Apr 01, 2010
Common Theme
by: Drew

I am undecided on this issue, but I will say that a common theme to MANY (though certainly not all) of these comments are sentiments similar to "and they just didn't care" or "and didn't give a **** about me" etc.

I feel that this suggests other underlying issues that might have contributed to to negative experience. Adding to that the fact that so many of the comments involved step parents and the like and I'm wondering how many of the respondents who feel they were hurt by seeing their parents have sex had two loving parents that were attentive and respectful (if open).

Apr 17, 2010
Lasting Effects
by: Anne

I feel deeply saddened and so sorry for everyone that has posted regarding witnessing their parents engaging in sexual activity. I can say with certainty, that being unable to leave the location where they are engaging in sex, leaves a child hostage in the situation. It colors everything about who you are, who you become, your relationships and the knowledge that your feeling of safety and well being was not considered....for a few minutes of selfish pleasure that was achieved at your expense. My parents did this in front of my brother and I usually in our motor home while we were vacationing. They knew we were not asleep and only a few feet from them. My Father, was an extremely violent physical abuser towards my Brother and I and my Mom just stood by and watched him beat us savagely through the years. My Brother and I have carried the scars from all of this our entire lives. This behavior, by Parents who are supposed to Love and protect their young, is reprehensible. It's effects are lasting and makes even adult children question whether or not they were ever even loved by their parents at all. It wounds you for a lifetime.

Apr 23, 2010
******
by: Anonymous

I am totally against it and this is what which leads the kids to disrespect their parents.sex is far away but I have never seen my dad kissing my mom infront of me and I know that how much they love eachother....If parents don't care about their kids then they don't need to complain if the kids disrespecting them tomorrow

Jun 21, 2010
Give me a break!
by: Anonymous

I grew up in a home with loving, generally conservative parents who genuinely cared for my well being. They were honest with me from a very young age about the truths of life, including sex, and didn't attempt to shelter me from them. Instead, they attempted to teach me about life truths so that I would understand them, and not fall prey to misconception and/or peer pressure. They explained that sex is a natural, beautiful thing that happens between two people who care about each other. They also taught me about the possible consequences, good and bad, and stressed that I should refrain from having sex until I was absolutely certain I was able to deal with them responsibly. As a child I saw and heard my parents having sex somewhat frequently. There was nothing exhibitionist or inappropriate about it. There were times, such as vacation or camping, when avoiding their encounters was not possible, but most of the time I would just leave them to their business. As a maturing young male, I actually learned many things through observation about how to be a considerate partner and make love (not just have sex) that couldn't be adequately conveyed in conversation, and that pornography is wholly incapable of portraying. It seems to me that the problem isn't so much that having sex in front of your children is itself damaging, but that a lack of thoughtful parenting, and critical thinking about how to prepare your children to deal with sex, and indeed other life truths, that's the problem.

Jul 18, 2010
I know ya..
by: Anonymous

Im young still my mom broke up with my dad. Well just recently this year they have been in my moms room doing "it" I remember being in my room screaming STOP! BE QUIET! I remember holding my brothers hand and cuddling stuffed animals. One day i called my beloved grandfather at 3 in the morning crying because they were so loud. One time they did it in the bed when i was 9. I was also in the bed protected by my little brother as we cuddled away from those idiots. I never talk. I don't eat on public besides school. I just nibble and get home and stuff myself down while they don't look. My parents wanna always get drunk but never do. they don't do drugs or anything. I vowed never to have
intercourse and never have kids. At this time 4:48 on 2012 July 18 my mom and dad are doing it. Im going to go hide in a corner. Don't pity me! Please comment me i need someone to talk to.

Jul 18, 2010
Thanks to this site...
by: Anonymous

Thanks to this site i feel much better.
I see im not the only one in the sinking boat.
What can children do besides stare sadly?
As moms and dads do it! We need some people to give answers, I usually call a trusted granparents aunt or other family. Or i and my brother build a hut ot of blankets and sheets and pillows and cuddle away from the disgusting cretaures. i will never do it i will never have kids i will never ever get with a guy who wants that. I will be scarred forever this is why i love school i can be away from dsigusting things. Well good night.

Jul 19, 2010
Please... there is no YES or NO.
by: Individual

This is not a question you can answer with a YES or NO, Sexual Abuse is two words.. FIRST Sexual... yes thats involved.

ABUSE is not accidently tripping someone and them falling to hurt themselves. In the case that you WALKED IN on parents, or happened to NOT SLEEP when they thought you should have been asleep. or PEEPED on something you shouldn't have, or not been smart enough to keep from opening a damn door without knocking....

THEN ITS A BAD CIRCUMSTANCE AND A COMMON THING.

It only becomes a problem if the parents knowingly are having sex seeing that you can see them and allowing you to watch..

THERE IS A BIG LINE THERE... sexual abuse is something done by an abuser, not two parents who want to be intimate even if they have kids.


AND TO ALL THE PEOPLE WITH CRAZY S**T ABOUT HOW IT AFFECTED YOU... Youd all know what sex is anyways. We all know that our parents have sex -seeing it might be gross but ABUSE? are you kidding me, id assume half the kids out there listen into their parents bedroom out of interest.. let alone feel abused by it.

IT JUST DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION... if a parent is doing it on purpose for you to see, thats a BIG NO NO... if they freak out cover up and get upset when you see them... you little brat you should have knocked.

Jul 24, 2010
Its nature.
by: Anonymous

Come on you guys. Sex is like eating, sleeping, whatevering....Its part of life.
We humans, just like all mammals, have sex.
If you have witnessed your parents having sex, once or on a regular basis, then you are witnessing the act that brought you into existance.It is a sacred thing.
Where the problem lies is in our cultural commodification of Sex. We are a pathological culture. We commodify everything that is sacred. We commodify everything PERIOD. Most North americans are really confused about sex and its natural function as both a necessary as well as natural undertaking.
Never forget, your culture is sick. It is eating its own lifesource, the planet itself, which it has comodified. It is full of hatred and delusion.
start reading classic literature and DO NOT allow yourself to be indoctrinated by the CORPORATE MEDIA...a CORPORATE MEDIA BAN would be the best thing you could do..
Treat others as you would want them to treat you.
Love really can conquer fear.
MEEP!MEEP!




Aug 03, 2010
**
by: Anonymous

I still think that if you have not personally experienced anything like this, you can't really tell us that it's ok for parents to do it in front of their young kids who have no idea what sex is.

Sep 28, 2010
Not abuse..
by: Sunshyne

My parents were very open about sex when I was young, and talked to me about it when I was 6 when I walked in on them. Sometimes they were loud and I would hear them from my room. I have come across their toys and accessories and have walked in on them many times, but it didn't bother me. I'd just walk back out to give them privacy. I guess I was happy they were happy with each other and able to give each other pleasure like that for many years.

It was a bit harder when I've heard my mother with one of her boyfriends (especially if they grab her in front of me - it is not intentional usually, just them trying to secretly flirt with her), but then again, I try to remember that as long as she is happy, it is ok. If they start making out & really seem to be in the mood for sex, they usually excuse themselves quickly to go to her bedroom, and close the door so I don't have to see it. I just laugh it off and tease her, especially if she is all glowy after. It's no big deal - she has the right to a fulfilling sex life, just the same as I do.. I could be really open with her about when I lost my virginity, and with whom.. She's also been really cool with me and my boyfriend having sex in my room, and just teases us about it too. So I think it's no big deal as long as there is open communication.

Oct 26, 2010
Come On!
by: GirlyTech

I think many of the views on this topic are laughable. My parents had sex while I was in the
same room on several occasions when I was young. Did I grow up to be a gibbering mess,
well unfortunately for some here, no. I grew up being top of my class, attended an ivy
school, have had a very rewarding career, am married happily to a husband who I adore
and have three grown up and successful children. I have never in my life had counseling
nor would ever want to have it. Why do I think I am so different from others after being
witness to this onerous natural act (sarcasm here)? Simple, it has nothing to do with sex, it
has everything to do with my parents. I was very close to my parents, who instilled in me a
strong work ethic and a deep philosophy of looking at the world. I honestly get the
impression that many of the participants here come from backgrounds that would impel
them to seek counseling and excuses to complain, whatever their experiences. The real
problem is that because of this, we are pathologically warping totally natural aspects of
human behavior.

Oct 29, 2010
It's like an orgy
by: Anonymous

I lived the first 10 years of my life in the same bedroom as my parents and my bed was about 3 feet away. They would have sex all the time while I was "sleeping". My mom was so loving and we were very close. She was very open with me about how intimate, special, and beautiful sex was and the basics of how it worked. But, that doesn't mean they should do it with me 3 feet away! That surely doesn't make sex "intimate". My body would lubricate itself and I felt like I was having a orgy with them.

I would try to lay still as to give them privacy, I felt bad interrupting them. Then some nights I just couldn't take it anymore so I would move to give them the clue that I was awake, hoping they would stop- sometimes they would and sometimes they wouldn't. I would beg God...."PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!!!! I AM SO TIRED!!!! I lost so much sleep and suffered in school because of lack of sleep.

I turned out very normal and successful and have a wonderful loving husband but many times when we make love to my husband I feel dirty. Those feelings come back from when I was younger.

Nov 09, 2010
Accused and abused
by: Anonymous

Ummm I believe it can be abusing. When I was still getting over my mom and Dads divorce two years later. My mom got remarried. I stayed up late a lot and always had trouble getting up for school. I had begun to have insomnia due to the divorce. I still have it as an adult and hopefully will be able to seek help sooner or later. I would sometimes stay up too late reading or whatever I got myself into, and began to hear the sound of my mom and her new hubby going at it down the hall. I remember getting angry at her because he not only treated us all like crap, but my mother as well. And I was always upset and afraid for some reason. I finally talked to my mother about it and she laughed it off, and later turned around and blamed me for being a nasty child to sit there and listen. But I would try to ignoRe the sounds and they seemed to get louder even with music on my ears. Too this day I am still hurt by that accusation and not having my feelings as a child taken seriously.

Nov 15, 2010
Parents in my face with their sexuality
by: Anonymous

My mom and step dad engage in intercourse while I am home and I can hear it. They have conversations about their sexual activities with friends in front of me and have rubbed against one another while clothed in front of me. This is disturbing to me, especially since I had a traumatic event in my childhood where another boy my age touched me inappropriately and forced me to engage in sexual activities without penetration with him (I believe the only laws regarding this would be sexual assault). My parents know this happened to me and they know I am uncomfortable when they talk about their sex lives in front of me or knowingly engage in sex when I can hear them. Yet they don't care. They make no effort to be more discrete or respectful. Is there any law against doing this? Is there any way I can make them stop knowingly making me uncomfortable with their sexuality?

Nov 17, 2010
Alcohol...sex...
by: Anonymous

My parents always has sex...unfortunately my mother would always be drunk. My dad used to abuse her verbally and to patch things up he would offer her drinks, and then they would go at it like crazy. Didn't care about my little brother and I. I still have nightmares about it.
I understand sex is an important part of human biology - WE are not ANIMALS. We are rational human beings. There is a time and place for everything. Unfortunately some parents are selfish - and they act like animals. I will never forget my traumatic childhood. Wish some of you could understand that talking about sex with intelligent parents who don't cover it up or make it a traumatic experience for children who are NOT psychologically ready to experience it - is a whole different world. I wish I didn't have to relive it or think about it, but I am scarred for life.

Jan 07, 2011
Effects years later
by: Anonymous

Growing up both of my parents were alcholics. My dad would come home drunk and beat my mother. After the fight my drunk mother would be begging my father for sex, stumbling around the house naked and then he would decide he wanted it and they would go at it where ever they decided. On sober days, they would sit on the couch and play with each other, and never hid any thing.
Years later my mother said if we didnt like it we could have left. Anything we saw or heard shouldnt affect us now.
I cant have sex if I know my kids are awake, I have a hard time showing affection in front of my kids. My daughter confided in me a few days ago she peeks and watches my husband and I have sex. She ENJOYS it. Also that shes listened and watched my parents have sex.. Im disturbed by this and cant bring myself to make love if the kids are home period..

Jan 11, 2011
Natural
by: Anonymous

Isn't it a normal part of life? I'd often heard my parents having sex when I was younger, and I have walked in on my mom and some of her boyfriends having sex - I just slip right out of the room & let them have their privacy. I guess ultimately I want her to be happy, and I'm glad she has a life, that someone is satisfying her and keeping her happy.

She doesn't judge me or my right to date, and gives me advice on boys. She also talked to me about sex when I was quite young, so I have grown up to accept it. I talked to her before going on the Pill this summer, when my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity to each other. As long as I'm being safe, she doesn't mind if he sleeps over at my place, and I'm glad we can be open about it. I feel like we have a healthy relationship because she talked to me about it when I was young, and I don't think of it as abuse, just something most natural.

Jan 19, 2011
?
by: Anonymous

I am now 16 years old but I can remember clearly when I was 7 years old, for some reason I was in the same bed as my mum and dad (probably because I had a bad dream or something the night before), anyway I was facing the other way. Then I heard sex noises and it was REVOLTING.This happened for about 15 minutes then my dad said to my mum " Are you pregnant?"
And she said yes.
I was confused and I didnt really understand.
One month later, my mum told myself and my older brother, that we were going to have a little brother or sister.
Eight months later, I got a brother.

Anyway, one other time was when our relatives came over so I had to sleep in the same room as my parents. They were having sex. I heard my mum say, " Lauren is here" to my dad, and my dad said "It doesnt matter". This made me physically and emotionally sick!

They do it about once a week and I STILL hear them.

Personally, I feel anyone who has been through it feels like abuse.

Jan 22, 2011
lots of contension
by: Anonymous

It seems alot of the people commenting on here have suffice to say not had the greatest parents. I see an abhoration to sex just as unnatural as an abhoration to love and closeness. Alcoholics and heartless people do not make the best parents though they probably make up a majority of parents/people in general.

Think, if you had grown up in a home where the entire family was comfortable in a naked situation and your mother and father loved each other and you, do you think sex would be that big of a deal? That said, children must be taught that they are children and learn what's ok for adults isn't for kids such as sex, alcohol and adult thinking.

You entered this world through your mothers vagina and you entered your mothers womb from your fathers penis. Why then is it such a cause for fear?

Jan 26, 2011
traumatic enough to be abuse
by: caz

I was abt 4years old sleepin in the same room as my parents woke up to them roughing it out mum's legs up in the air and dad gone down on her. I pretended 2 b asleep just shut my eyes and said nothing. after few years having encounters like this,still prepuberty, I started masturbating and had a 'play' with another girl. I got addicted to masturbating and when I went to college I became promiscuous and for awhile was trapped in a codependent relationship. I'm 27 now and hav overcome the addictions through christian support. Seek help talk to someone about it -today.

Jan 29, 2011
objection
by: Anonymous

While I know how traumatizing and upsetting it is to see your parents having sex in front of you (i experienced it) I think it is a bit unfair and insensitive to equate that to sexual abuse. I was raped by my dad from ages 6-14 and the damage that caused me cannot even compaare to how i felt about seeing my parents have sex in front of me.
I am in no way trying to invalidate or dismiss anyones pain and suffering. I am simply trying to say that it should not be equated to actual sexual abuse

Feb 17, 2011
Jim
by: Anonymous

I was 11 and my little brother was 8, when there was a very bad storm. I think that the lightning was worse than the thunder. The shade in our room release so that the lightning would flash into our room. We both were scared and went into our parents room. Like us they were both nude on top of the covers. Tommy my brother wanted to know why mom and dad were wrestling. I took his hand and froze for a minute; we then went to the family room.
Tommy still wanted to know why they were wrestling. I told him they were not; they were making love. Something adults did if they were married and loved each other like mom and dad.
A short time later both mom and dad came in asked if we were o.k. They knew we saw them and apologized for being seen, but stated that all married people who loved each other do it.Tommy asked mom if she was going to have a baby. I f so he wanted a little brother.
SURPRISE! Nine months later we had a baby brother. I guess that it was also a surprise to our parents. For the next two and a half years, our baby brother was the only one to wear any thing at home.

Feb 21, 2011
No Abuse Here 1of 2
by: Heyden

Americans are so repressed. The reason why you're traumatized is because sex was not spoken about in a healthy way in your homes. Of course you were afraid or in shock.

My brothers and I are sitting around talking about this after reading many of your comments and we are so happy that we were not raised in your society. Although, we all were born in Denver, Colorado; we were raised in the Netherlands by a Danish father and Danish-French mother.

BACKGROUND
I'm male and I have three brothers and two sisters. My family is big compared to most families in the Netherlands. We are cultural nudists, meaning on our property (Nudist Community Resort & Farm)and at home we always are naked unless it is necessary for us be be clothed.

In addition to owning a Nudist Resort and Farm, my parents also invests in other like ventures so we got to travel plenty when we are kids and I can tell you most people of other countries do not have or expect as much privacy as Americans do. Unless you are in a tourist area, the walls are thin, many families sleep in the same room or have some kind of superficial makeshift divider.

HOME LIFE
Co-sleeping is something we practice in our family until we are 12 years of age. Then we co-sleep in rooms divided between boys and girls. However, we at any time are welcome in any of the rooms.

There are no locked doors inside of our family home. If someone needs to use the toilet during a bath or shower, no problem. Often we find it more efficient and environmentally responsible share a shower; there is always someone to wash your back.

I know that there are times people want some privacy, but we consider the family and our home private. When the doors are locked outside, then it's private time. We have nothing to hide from each other unless something wrong is happening. Sometimes we might want to be alone, then we'd go into the barn, garage, or shed. We often would head into the forest or a secluded part of nature to rest or meditate without distraction. Sometimes we'd get on our cars, tractors, bikes or ride our horses. Otherwise, we want to be around family and friends.

Feb 21, 2011
No Abuse Here (2 of 2)
by: Anonymous

Sex is beautiful and not dirty or shameful. Americans hide it because rather then being seen as part of a healthy person's life. It is seen in America as unnatural. Because it is seen as unnatural sex becomes fetishized and irresponsible. Education should be left up to the family with input by teachers, yet in the US; the primary responsibility is left to the teachers, but peers win out in educating each other. Here in the Netherlands, the family teaches about sex and it is spoken about frankly and without shame.

Growing up my siblings and myself learned that sex is natural. We learned from watching and aiding (breeding)the animals on the farm. My parents explained everything to us. We also learned by seeing our parents affectionate in and outside the home. When we saw or experienced an erection we knew that that's something that happens naturally and it's not sexual unless in the moment of sensuality. When my parents made Tantric love for hours sometimes, we saw, but didn't gawk because it was normal for us.

We were not made to feel ashamed when we discovered our bodies, it was explained to us. First ejaculations and menstruations were approved with little attention drawn to it other than, a special dad-son or mom-daughter outing to celebrate. Masturbation was something that was mostly practiced through Tantric spirituality otherwise, considered to be as natural as scratching an itch.

I'm 24 now and my siblings range from 18 to 27. None of us were ever molested, ever been arrested, ever been drug users, none of us are alcoholics, none of us are overweight, our sisters did not get pregnant neither did they have any abortions, all us boys never got a girl pregnant, with the exception of my second oldest brother who is married.

I've been a Sports Physical Therapist for two years and will soon work on getting my doctorates in Physical Therapy and Sex Therapy. All my siblings are either successful in their careers or are successful in school. We all love each other and are as open with each other in our love as ever.

I wish everyone could be so lucky.

Mar 05, 2011
I'm just saying
by: Maria

I understand all the comments above that state that they witnessed their parents having sex, and they've turned out fine, therefore everyone else should.

Looking at the recounts you can see that there are immense variations and any form of generalisation is just.. well....

I have extremely loving parents, they have supported my brothers and I, and whilst I was subjected to a constant barrage of things I know I shouldn't have seen, I know they did the best they could.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that we were 3 feet away watching them have sex, with me crying because I only had two hands to cover my youngest brothers' ears, and left my other brother to fend for himself.

Of course sex is a natural, beautiful part of existence. I'd even go as far as calling it spiritual when it involves to people who really love each other.
But exposing a child to this consistently, and that young, is definitely NOT good. It is an extremely ignorant act.

Mar 20, 2011
I know this isn't abuse but it has mentally affected me.
by: Teenager from the UK

I first heard my parents having sex when I was about 8. Mum always stopped me from watching sex on tv programmes so I didn't really know what the noices were at first, then a few months later I relised, I felt sick. Then i became diabetic and slept with my mum because she was worried about me. I havent properly slept in my own bed since then mainly because i dont want them to have sex. My dad sleeps in my room or downstairs but once i heard them doing it in my room, everytime i go in there now, i feel angry. And then a day before my friend stayed i tidied my room and found a used condom packet, i asked mum to tidy where it was so she didnt know i knew about it. When my parents did shay a bed I heard them again, I used to call for my mum so they would stop (after trying everything else) and she would come in to me but I would have a tantrum and would hate them both. Last year we went on holiday just us 3, and while I was in the shower I heard them. The shower was less than I few ft away. I don't know what they would of done if I'd of seen them. Then we stayed the same room and they were doing it, I must admit I did wake up but I still felt sick and angry at them for not having the decency not to do it while I was in the room, do they not respect me?! Doing It in my bed, re same room as me, can they not wait until I'm out of the house, is that so bad!? I see sex on tv it reminds me of them and makes me feel sick! I hate what they have done! I know se is natural and it is ew at times but seeing and hearing them makes me never want to do it! I haven't spoken to my parents about this, I feel embarassed like it shouldn't be a big deal but it is too me.

Mar 20, 2011
To Teenager from UK:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I've moved your post to this thread, as it has been dealt with here. Please consider contacting ChildLine on 0800 1111 in order to help you through your emotional effects. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.donthideit.com

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir




Apr 17, 2011
Sometimes maybe it's cultural
by: Anonymous

I once knew a girl who grew up in a one bedroom home,sharing a bedroom with her parents, younger sister, and brother, a practice which was quite common in the area she lived. She told me quite "matter of factly" about her parents engaging in sex in the bed next to her many, many times. This girl had also been dating and a few times had even invited her boyfriend to spend the night with her, with the two of them having sex with her parents in the room next to them! She really didn't understand what the big deal was when she told me. She said nudity and sex had always been common in their home and her parents where very frank and honest with them about sex. If they ever had questions about things they saw or heard, they received an honest, factual answer. I guess some people just get used to some things. And no, I asked her, she denied her parents (or anyone else) ever did anything inappropriate to her. It was just tradition.

May 04, 2011
my mother was a prostitute
by: Alli

I can remember before I was moved to a foster home, my mother bring men home, sometimes 2 or 3 at once to our little one room apartment. I didnt realize she was selling herself at the time but I knew that what she was doing wasnt what my friends parents did in front of them. Night after night Id hear and see her having sex. Sometimes the men she brought back would beat her and rape her. Id sit on my cot crying because the sounds she made were scaring me. She'd be high on something and be screaming and moaning really loud.The men would be slapping her, beating her and ravaging her body and she'd just take it. .Totally oblivious or not caring what I seen and heard.It was almost as if she got her kicks from knowing i was there awake and watching. Eventually one of the men whom she brought home molested me when I was 8. When I told her she beat me and that night made me sit on her bed and forced me to watch her "and from that point on I'd be a good daughter and let the men take me if they wanted." (her words) The next day I told an adult at my school and I was removed from the house a week later. I'm 15 now and yes I consider what I experienced abuse on all levels. I grew up thinking that sex was supposed to be violent, men were allowed to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted..
I am with a wonderful family now who with much patience is helping me work through all of this with counseling, and therapy. I have a wonderful boyfriend who knows my situation and is respectful of my body and my feelings. My mother died 2 years ago of a drug overdose so that chapter of my life is completely finished.

May 16, 2011
A NEW form of Sexual Abuse!
by: GodsChild

I grew up in a poor environment. My parents lived with their parents until I was 5 yrs old. We all shared one bed. They use to have sex while my sister and I were up and it scarred me for life. This was ongoing for years. The things my parents use to say, the sounds, and the motion of a bouncing bed makes me extremely irate. Dealing with that was one thing, but the physical and emotional abuse from my father onto my mom and us kids put the icing on the cake. My therapist told me I suffered just like it was happening to me, and it should be labeled as such. He calls this a new form of sexual abuse. For those who never experienced this take it lightly. It's true that for some it's never given a second thought. But for most of us it's devastating. Porn wasn't hidden properly in the home neither. As a child, I would re-enact the things that i've witnessed onto my peers. Leaving a trail of innocent victims scarred like me.
I stopped at the age of 12, and have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

May 22, 2011
Different situations
by: Ex-dath

Hmmm, well sometimes I guess just having sex at night while their kids or step kids sleep in the bed next to them is the only
option.

A situation is that the child tends to ALWAYS be around one of the parents, and always constantly checking on them etc.

The kid always hangs around the mom, ALL THE TIME.(Over 5 years old). The step dad goes to work all day, comes home and the only time he gets to make love(quietly) to his dear wife is when his step son is asleep next to them in the extremely dark room.
Because if they try to keep the step son out of the room for a little while for their love making session, he will get pissed and think the mom doesn't like him or want him around. And many problems come from that of course.

And while they make love, the wifes mother or father comes knocking on the door to ask something or whatever it may be.

These days its very hard to have separate bedrooms due to economy(USA). Like living in a house of 5-7 people(4 bedrooms) can have very little privacy for a couple regardless what room they are in.

So sometimes parents have no choice. At least if they put in the effort to avoid the child from noticing the sex, it can be okay.

May 22, 2011
cont...
by: Ex-dath

Continuing from my previous comment.

Plus it can get quite stressful and irritating to not be able to comfortably have sex whenever they want.

Because some kids just always try to be around their parent 24/7. And if you tell them to go play video games or whatever for a little while(for your lovemaking session), they get highly offended and hurt.

Hmmm, some parents might even blame the kids(not openly of course) for not allowing them to comfortably have sex without them being around.

Some parents do put music on, or some type of noise to mask the quiet sex sounds that may come from the lovemaking a couple feet away.

But as I said in my previous comment, many different situations force parents to resort to having sex while their child or step child is close by,(Asleep, and hopefully sneaky while doing it at least).

Some parents of course just don't care. But some parents also just don't have the heart to make their kids sleep on the couches in the living room.
Some parents would have their kids sleep in the bedroom while they sleep in living room.
JUST FOR SOME PRIVACY. Which is hard to afford these days for many Americans.

Jun 19, 2011
why
by: Anonymous

i was 13 and i got really badly scared from a chain letter so i slept on my parents master bed i had my own blanket and they had thier own i wake at dawn my dad and mom are having sex with blankets covering them silentily but the bed is shaking first i was wondering was what was happerning then my dad blanket went up u can see his butt so i turned away but thier shirts were still on after about an hour at 6 my dad went to the living room and my mom went to the bath room and i started to cry my mom came and said i just said nothing went to sleep in my room

Jul 25, 2011
:(
by: Anonymous

I think parents should have more self respect. One of my best friends was about 11 when she stayed round her dads and he had sex with her step mum in the same room. I've heard my parents alot but they would never do it in the same room as me. It's made us both frightened and nervous about it and my friend now finds her dad sickening. I don't understand why, for example the ones where you share their bed, they can't go at least 1 week when you're on holiday or just 1 day without doing it! My friend has no respect for either parent of hers because they bring home random people to sleep with all the time! One night her mum was out getting pissed so my friend took an overdose of pills she found in the cupboard just to get some attention for once! I really feel sorry for her :(

Aug 02, 2011
Immaturity
by: Tchetanne

Instead of calling it child abuse, I would name it 'immaturity' on the part of parents. I am 21 and my parents still have sex with me lying only a couple of feet away. :(

Aug 02, 2011
Fear doesn't go away EVER
by: European Girl

If you didn't live through it you have NO IDEA what you're talking about.
It?s natural thing? Pissing is also natural thing but nobody is doing it in a living room! We have some rules in civilization, if you didn?t know!!!
Some people in Africa are doing sex in front of their children? Some people in Africa are cutting of women clitoris for her not to enjoy sex. Should Africa be are role model?!
Quote: ?But some parents also just don't have the heart to make their kids sleep on the couches in the living room.? And they have heart to damage them forever with trauma? Please! It would be better if I was left in foster home than sleeping in same bed with them having sex!
It would be better if somebody talked to me about sex? Which parents talk about sex to 2 or 3-year old?! Show me that parents please!!

I'm 24 and I was in the same room watching sex as a kid, sometimes in a same bad. I never recovered. Problem is that I was TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING. It gave me fear which I can?t let go. When someone I like approaches me - I run away. If someone tries to flirt with me, I feel so ashamed, like he is raping me. When I imagine someone touching me, I feel disgusted. I'll probably never have boyfriend or kids. I am adult, I understand what sex is, but fear is irrational and it won?t go away.

Aug 03, 2011
Just semantics...
by: Anonymous

I think that calling this act ABUSE brings up images of physical sexual abuse. I am 30 years old and just recently have come to terms about my father and step mother having sex multiple times on vacations in hotels rooms in front of me and my sisters and even my grandma(fathers mother). I understand and connect with many of the feelings and emotions other people have posted about. I feel like my father and step mother scarred me in ways that I do not fully realize. I find it hard to connect with people in sexual relationships and rarely am able to sustain any worthy emotional sexual relationship. I have no actual relationship with my father and step mother to this day. I feel like I have been suppressing these feelings and memories for so long that I have a lot of damage to reverse. I agree that if sex is talked about in a frank and healthy manner then sex in front of the kids may not be as traumatizing. However, my father never even talked to me about masturbation or puberty issues. Then he turns around and is somehow comfortable with having sex with me a few feet away. I agree that if one has not experienced this situation personally they have no idea what they are talking about. To everyone who has gone through this, if it helps you get some closure by calling these acts abuse.... then by all means call it what you want. Words have the power that you give them and if it felt like abuse then it was.

Aug 06, 2011
It is sexual abuse
by: Anonymous

It IS sexual abuse! Sexual abuse is more than just touching. There is also emotional and mental abuse involved, too. I remember my mom and her boyfriend having sex with me in the bed at age 5. I remember my mom standing up in some red lingerie and seeing her boyfriend in bed naked WITH ME! I went under the covers and saw his penis and remember yelling, "Ewwww! He pooped in the bed!" I was only an innocent child and didn't know that it was his penis. My mom just stood in the corner and laughed before getting in bed. I don't remember what happened after that. It's probably good that I don't. Anyone who says this isn't sexual abuse either hasn't lived through this trauma or they are living in denial. This type of thing lives with children for the rest of their lives. After that incident with my mom and her BF, I always had a deep resentment for my mom. Often times wishing she would leave for work and never come back. Children understand when something isn't right. I'm sick of so called "adults" doing things like this in front of children and dismissing it simply because, "We didn't *touch* them", or "well, they are just a little kid and won't remember". Bullsh*t.

Aug 12, 2011
i heard my parents
by: Anonymous

It happened to me to hear my parents having sex when i was 8-9 years old. Their room is next to mine, and even if they weren't screaming or doing something crazy I could hear them. It disturbed me, just because I think children don't want to know their parents are having sex, as much as parents don't want to know their sons/daughters are having sex.
Hearing my parents that night didn't give me any serious troubles. Just annoyed me...
But that's not an abuse for sure, for me.
I'm aware of the fact that is something very personal and everybody can live it in a different way.


Aug 13, 2011
Children and Sex
by: Anonymous

Well, it is actually very common for kids to walk in on their parents... usually this would end in a very curious kid, the reaction depending on age. To a four year old, it may seem like someone was getting hurt, while to a ten year old, it will just be disgusting that mommy and daddy were having sex, as in these modern days, most ten year olds do know what sex is and how it is done. Now, in the case that an uneducated kid walked in, it would be appropriate for the parents to say something like, "Mommy and daddy were just having some special cuddling time"... many parents make the mistake of saying, "I'll tell you when you're older", which just makes the kid more curious. There is a simple way of making sure this doesn't happen at all though. Simply lock the door. Of course, parents do have to remember that it's perfectly fine and natural for them to have sex, but now that they do have a child, they also need to be responsible in that they need to be able to hear a child in the case of an emergency.

However, in your case, where your parents had sex right in front of you, it is just wrong. It is natural for parents to have sex, but knowingly doing it in front of their or any child is just plain wrong and irresponsible.

It is wrong, cruel, scarring for children of all ages, and irresponsible. So, in a way, [I believe] it's mild child abuse... not directed at the child, but leaving a scar for life.

Aug 19, 2011
yes [I believe] it is
by: uchihadan

id never seen my parents having sex though in the night when i was around 6 i heard them moving the bed so i imagened they were having sex and i belive the parents shoudnt have sex wiht anyone in the room only them and if there childs are asleep and etc,etc lol

Aug 23, 2011
it was really traumatic and made me obsessed with sex when i grew older
by: Anonymous

as far as i remember, i watched my parents having sex through out my childhood, ever since i started walking. we had only one bed (we couldn't afford more). it had some disastrous consequences on me. i used to enact the actions on pillows when no one watched me. i learned to masturbate by rubbing my penis on pillows when i was about 2-3 years old. of course i didn't ejaculate back then, but i felt the pleasure of an orgasm and became addicted to the rubbing from that age. i used to think that it was something unnatural, so tried to stop myself from doing it. but i couldn't, i was addicted to it and i felt something was wrong with me. this weird feeling filled up my whole childhood. basically my body was sexually active when my mind still couldn't handle it. i once enacted sex on my grandma too when she was sleeping with me once during the vacations. she was shocked but brushed off that incident as if it never happened. i was maybe only 3-4 year old. imagine what my grandma would have been thinking!

Aug 27, 2011
I'm scarred
by: Mary

Since i was 4 I always shared a bed with my mom. A few yers before my mom married a guy named____.
I'd wake up in the night i turned on the light and i saw ____ on top of mom. Then a few years later my mom and my sister and i moved to _____. _____ would visit every week. We Moved into a 2 bedroom house. My sister kept her room to herself. I fell asleep when ___ was here to spend the night. I would wake up during the night to get a glass of water. While i wake up they would shake the bed and i'd see everything. I would see that every week now my mom is a self centered person who thinks her children are for cleaning and cooking. I feel so confused, angry, sad, depressed,alone. Im scarred.

Aug 29, 2011
sexual abuse...
by: elizabeth rose

Face it we all know parents have sex in most situations I do not find that parents having sex in a seperate room and u can hear them abuse. I find hearing the noises disgusting (trust me its happened to me many times I have a vent between my parents room so I hear EVERYTHING :S) but not sexual abuse. In situations were it is a 1 bedroom apartment I think that is just disgusting and immature, you can resist ur sexual needs until u r alone were ur kids cannot watch. When ur kids watch it can be traumatizing. It is like showing ur child pornography which is in fact sexual abuse. If ur child happens to walk in on u which is quite normal it is not abuse.
Parents who r having sex with their child in their own bed with them. That is wrong and immature and I would say pornography. If u r sharing a hotel room and 3 feet away that is disgusting. No child should purposely be exposed to ppl having sex in front of them.
I know and understand it is a "natural" way of life but still no one wants to see their parent have sex just like I'm sure no one wants to see their kids have sex.
(In my opinion) Child Sexual Abuse is when a child is molested, purposely revealed pornography, having sex in the same bed as a kid, having sex in the same room as a kid reguardless their age no one cares if its a one bedroom apartment or hotel NO CHILD WANTS TO SEE THAT.

Aug 31, 2011
I feel ashamed
by: Anonymous

I never knew my father because he died shortly after I was born, and my mother raised me and my older sister all alone. For years she worked two jobs, and the little money she made went a long way. I grew up wearing my sister's hand-me-down dresses, but I didn't mind.

The only problem was that my mother was lonely and missed my dad. She never really talked about it, but I could sense the sadness and longing for him sometimes. I used to pray that she could find a new husband, someone that would love her and take care of her.

Then when I was 12 years old, mom met "Bob" and started dating him regularly. The first time we met him was when she invited him to dinner one weekend. My sister and I were so delighted! He was the first male house guest ever, and he was so handsome and charming. He spoke with such eloquence and authority that my sister and I were mesmerized, and I saw how absolutely taken mom was by him. She was in love - head over heals in love. That night I thanked God in my prayers.

Bob started coming to the house regularly, and sometimes he would stay over. One night when I was going to the kitchen to drink some water, I heard what I thought were cries of pain coming from my mother's room, and my heart started pounding in fear. I rushed to her door to find it shut, and I was about to open it when I heard rhythmic noises, followed by my mom's breathless moans of encouragement. I stood there frozen, as I had never heard sounds like this before, and I wanted to make sure mom was not being hurt. The sounds continued, and somewhat dazed, I realized that sex is like pressing two bodies and souls into one.

I began to walk away until I remembered the storage room between the living room and my mom's bedroom. Normally it would be full of junk, but now it was nearly empty because we were installing an air duct for a new central air conditioning unit. The air duct ran through the storage room to a vent in my mother's bedroom wall. The job wasn't completed yet - so far there was only a hole cut in the wall, pieces of tin tubing on the floor, and a ladder. When I quietly opened the storage room door, I found the ladder where the workers had left it - extending exactly to the height of the hole in my mother's wall. I suddenly heard my mother's fitful cries coming from the opening.

This is why I am ashamed. Yes, I did climb the ladder to spy on what was sacred and private. This is bad enough. But what I found was that I could not take my eyes off Bob. I only saw him with my mother that one time, and that was 5 years ago. Mom married Bob a year later.

Sep 05, 2011
humans makes mistakes i guess
by: Anonymous

My parents used to do it right in front of me. My dad had an affair with my mom when he married too someone else... He used too come round too the flat have sex with her and feel her up right in front of me. He never showed any interest in me just shouted and told me too take my smash hits posters down haha and stop listening too music because it was against Islam. Im ashamed too call him my dad and block him out completeley - I'm actually full asian but I tell people I'm half white because I'm too embaressed of him. My mom was abused and neglected as a child so I don't know if she did it too make her feel like she was worth something - She never shows her feelings or talks about it much though, she blocks her childhood out too. I do have a quite a lot of self esteen issues too this day but I think she did her best.

Sep 08, 2011
I can't believe this......
by: Anonymous

I can't believe this!!! Not one person has mentioned locks!!!! There is no denying that children should knock before they enter a room, it is common courtesy. HOWEVER, haven't parents ever heard of this neat little invention called a LOCK!!!!!! If you have it, use it. If you don't, get one!!!!! They're only $10.00 or so at your local home improvement store. If mom and dad can afford the sex toys and know how to use them then I feel pretty certain they can afford to buy a lock and figure out how to install it. The majority of these people have been hugely and negatively affected. It is because they are human! There is no other reason. It is a natrual human response. Whenever my husband and I "feel the urge" we always lock the dam door and make sure the TV is on, and we don't scream so loud we'd wake the dead. Most of this is common courtesy on the part of the parents and it should be that way since they are the ones having sex. I am too scared to of what it would do to my kids if they saw or heard me so I always take precautions like this cause let's face it you can't hit the rewind button. I care way too much about my children to freak them out. It's not something I even want to take a chance on largely cause all of this is PREVENTABLE!!!!!!! Parents, you are the ones having sex so you have the burden of doing so responsibly. Make NO mistake, just cause your kids know you have sex, doesn't mean they want to see or hear you. Would you like to see or hear your kids having sex? No one is saying that parent(s) shouldn't have sex, in fact, they should. Just please, use some common sense and common courtesy.

Sep 08, 2011
Sorry
by: Anonymous

I didn't find this out until my daughter was about 16, but she witnessed me and two different boyfriends having sex when she was a child. I was completely devastated. I don't know which of us was hurt more. I go to therapy trying to forgive myself. When she told me I felt absolutely sick. I had to pull the car over. I thought I was going to vomit. I had always believed I was the world;s greatest mommy and then i felt as if I had completely and utterly failed. Now my daughter sees a therapist for this. She blames her OCD and her anxiety disorder and her promiscuous behavior all on those accidental occurrences. When she finally heard last night how horribly sorry I am, I think she began to heal.
It may be that her disorders were not all caused by my unintentional actions. We have OCD running in our family and also severe anxiety and depression. We also have bipolar disorder schizophrenia, and violent psychosis. So I think that she might have gone nuts even with out my bungling. Of-course, what I did may have sealed the coffin lid. Anyway. I wanted to comment from a different perspective, so there you have it.

Sep 21, 2011
...
by: Anonymous

I have blocked most of my childhood out so I shudder to think of what turned me into an agoraphobic, anxious, ptsd mess and my poor now late-sister a drug addict with ocd. My mother had never once realised there maybe a reason my sister was promiscuous and I have never been able to enjoy sex-I am terrified of sex and wary of men and women in a physical sense! I get very uncomfortable in close proximity and always keep my body covered because of whatever deep rooted traumas took place. My mother and her lecherous predator of an alcoholic husband would have such UNNECESSARILY loud sex in her room that I'd have to be comforted by mý younger sister as I cried in utter agony. I felt fear, isolation, rage, trapped, dirty.... When I finally begged her to stop she told me, at age 9, that I needed to "shut the f*** up, its no good if you cannot come loudly". To a child she said this. The betrayal and pain.... It is absolutely abuse as defined by laws and sick. It puts a vulnerable child in situations they cannot begin to understand and now I'm stuck seeing therapists and going through hard core ptsd therapy. I was robbed in many ways but knowing that I can never achieve the intimacy that exists between husband and wife has damaged my marriage and my self-worth. Of course this is the same woman who stuck with said husband after he molested my sister and mass me love under the threat of it everyday. They talked inappropriatly in front of us andI would never, ever place a child in that position. It its life-destroying. Just because you may have reacted differently does not make it okay! Bottom line if your parents chose to bring you in to this world, to protect and nurture. Did we innocent, child victims deserve any less?

Sep 22, 2011
To "Amelia H" who posted here recently
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Amelia, I need to relay some information to you, and I do so with respect. The first...your comment was beyond what this thread is about; it was primarily your personal story. I've therefore moved it to my stories page and deleted it from here. Since I have 80+ stories in queue at this time, it could take upwards of 3 weeks to go live on the site, as I post submissions in the order I receive them. The second...this site is a safe haven for those who post here, both comments and submissions. It is highly inappropriate to reprimand anyone who posts on this site. I am the one who decides what does and doesn't go live here. Nothing goes live until I've read every word and then make a decision about whether or not the comment is appropriate. I suggest you go to my Story Comments Do's and Don'ts page for the guidelines when commenting on this site. I thank you for your understanding, Amelia. If what I've shared here offends you and you reconsider the posting your story as a result, by all means write another comment here and I'll respect your wishes. Again, thank you for your understanding.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Oct 12, 2011
[In my opinion] It is most certainly abuse
by: Anonymous

Reading through everyone's stories I feel validated. Thank you all for sharing. I am now in my late 20's and just now started realizing why I have such issues with sex.

My parents divorced, and my mom, because of low self esteem, had many boyfriends. I heard and walked in on them many times, without her knowing. Or maybe she knew. I don't know. And I don't think she cared anyway. I remember feeling completely and totally enraged. I wanted to cry and scream and run away. But being a child, I felt so helpless. This lead me to grow up "rebellious". I never had much respect for my mom after. When I started dating, I could only enjoy sex at the very beginning of relationships and then it's like my libido froze. Many times sex makes me feel ashamed, disgusted, sick to my stomach. Even seeing it on TV or in movies gives me the creeps. But at times I do enjoy it, I feel that these times I am "dissociated'', not really myself.

[In my opinion] this truly is abuse. Not sexual, but most certainly mental. Maybe some people above dealt with it different because their parents were more caring to their needs. Not everyone is the same with reaction. So please if you think sex is so "sacred", I beg to differ. Maybe it is for adults, not for children. Children don't know that this is what "brought them to life", nor do they care to find out. They just want to be loved, cared for, to trust, and be trusted.

I have now started therapy, and as much as I am glad, I can't believe how brutally painful it is.

To all best of luck in healing......

Oct 26, 2011
To the person who commented 12th of October...
by: Anonymous

I added my two cents a couple of comments ahead of you and I also am in my late 20's, struggling to come to terms with the abuse, starting therapy and feeling validated with other's responses. Especially yours as it sounds like my scenario.

Oct 27, 2011
To the person above me =)
by: Anonymous

I am glad to hear this......its a nasty cycle that creates such a nasty world. People bring children into the world and then mistreat them, wondering how do we end up with sociopaths. Not saying this is what you and I are, but I am sure it has created some desperate cases.
You know I had a conversation with my bf, who had very supportive parents growing up, and I asked him regarding the fact that someone said above sex is beautiful and its what created us. I thought maybe I am being too sensitive when I completely disagree with the statement. My bf, who has entirely normal and healthy attitude towards sex, also COMPLETELY disagreed. He said what I said above, that we may feel like that now that we are adults, but it sure isn't for children.

I am not sure if your hurt was caused by your mom, but through therapy I also learned that my mom may have Borderline Personality Disorder. This shed so much light to everything. If this may be similar to your case, check out a book called "Understanding the Borderline Mother". It has validated so much!

I wish you all the best.

Oct 28, 2011
Wish this wouldn't have happened...
by: Anonymous

My parents were always loving, and I liked sleeping in my mom's bed at night, because it was comforting if I couldn't fall asleep. I woke up one night to my mom and dad going at it, and I assumed they were having sex. Completely grossed out, I didn't want them to know I knew (which was a horrible choice and I wish I would have screamed or something), so I feel back asleep, trying to tell myself it was a dream. I woke up again at some point with my dad getting out of bed and leaving my mom and she said, "Where are you going, aren't you going to finish?" That was so traumatizing... my dad leaving my mom when she needed him. It's all so gross and so sad. I really could have lived my life without seeing this.

Nov 11, 2011
Today is the first day
by: Anonymous

Today is the first time in my life that I have ever researched this topic - I am 38 years old and had to witness my parents having sex from as early as I can remember until I moved out at age 17 - I am sitting here completely dumbfounded - i dont know what to do - or how to make this go away - but I have been carrying this pain from this ABUSE for way to long - I do not need to argue as to wether this is abuse or not - it is non-physical sexual abuse. I am saying today - I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED BY MY PARENTS - and I dont know what to do. I have a charmed life, wife, kids, house, job; and I AM MISERABLE I am on medication, I am addicted to drugs, I have OCD, depression, anxiety. My rationalle mind is strong, however my emotional mind is stronger and completely dominates my day to day living. I am writing in this thread 'hoping' (I hate hope I think it is fruitless and for the weak; but hey maybe I am weak) that someone has a path for repair - someone mihgt have an answer - or an idea to erase everything and make it all better - I havent lived at home in 21 years and feel like it was just yesterday that I was there - Any advice? Are there groups for this? Books? Anything? I am in NJ. I feel for all who have been abused - or who feel they have been - no matter what others think -

Nov 12, 2011
not sexual abuse.
by: Anonymous

my parents try to wind me up, and say things about sex in front of me and my brother. you might be thinking that i'm just over reacting they arn't trying to wind me up... They do. they say these things really loud, and then giggle then they look to see my reaction. it's horrible and it makes me feel gross. They talk about really graphic disgturbing things.

But i never see it as abuse. And it is not a problem for me. i vow to myself that one day i'm gunna i'm going to be a mother, and i'm gunna make sure they never have to feel that horrible feeling.

Basically what i'm trying to say is, althought it's traumatic/hearing seeing your parents(i know from experience)have intercourse, it's natural, so think on the bright side, and laugh, because once the tables have turned, you'll know better than to be so foolish unlike your parents are. Period. x

Nov 15, 2011
Ya, they did it and didn't care.
by: Char

I grew up an only child which in itself has all sorts of attached issues - I was unwanted because I was born a girl into a German family hoping for a boy to continue the bloodline. My parents never cared much for me because my Grandfather was dissapointed in my being a girl right from the getgo. Anyways I am saying this because it leads up to the point I am trying to make that i wasn't really appreciated, and often told I should be seen and not heard, and also that I was no more than a guest living in their home and that I had no rights or privelidges to the home or anything that went on in it. As I was outnumberd 2 to 1 by two adults, I was always helpless to their strict German and highly-religious rearing of me. I was often abused as they followed the "Spare the rod" form of child-rearing, and as I was bored being an only child, and curious and often got into trouble resulting in beatings where my underwear stuck to my bum from the blood. (Sorry this is very graphic, but it's how I was raised.)

I remember for fun we would go acros the US border in the 80's when the Canadian dollar was good to do a weekend of shopping. We would all sleep in the camper - no big deal, until at the tender age of 12 my parents having never told me what sex was, decided it was OK to do it in the camper so long as it was night and I was lying in my bunk about 4 feet away. I heard and saw everything while the entire camper shook and swayed until my Father was finished. I was very afraid of both my parents from the abuse, so I never said anything about this to anyone.

I am now 34 years old, am in the middle of a divorce from an abusive husband, am very overweight for many many reasons going back to my childhood, and have always had severe problems surrounding sex and the act of sex.

Now as I mentioned there were a lot of issues surrounding my childhood from religious oppression to abuse, but I DO remember the sex, and the feeling of being trapped and of helplesness and fear I would be discovered as 'awake'. I would never dare say anything or make a sound diring these weekend camper getaways.

It seems to me as noted by others on here (And I have spent many hours with a R. Clinical Psychologist - not a meere counsellor) that we all feel the same way about it: It's gross, disgusting, confusing, incredibly frightening, and above all else: scarring for life to experience your parents or anyone else for that matter engaging in sexual activity in your presence as a child.

I do not have kids as frankly how I was raised has messed me up way too much, but I would cetainly never impose on them what was imposed upon me.

Nov 21, 2011
It's up to you!!!
by: Jenny

It may not be appropriate to have sex in front of children, but your parent deserve their lifestyle. you may think they are selfish but same do you. They work hard to raise you and they deserve to enjoy their life.

Do not blame your parent because you yourself is having problem. There are other people having the same experience and they have no problem. So the problem it's up to you.

Nov 23, 2011
...
by: Anonymous

i myself have experienced this since i used to share room with my parents till 4th grade because of financial problems. i once saw my dad's ummmmm but never dared to see what they were doing. this is all i want to recall
i had a close good friend in my neighbourhood. her family were living in far worse financial situation than us. they had a kitchen n bathrom n living room. that is it. once i remember, i went to her house around 9 in the night. most of us here in india sleep at 10. they took about 20 min to open the door. n when they did i saw my friend still awake n her mom sleeping on bed naked but wearing a blanket over her n her dad- i dont remember him. poor girl!!!!!! they now have moved to a bigger house- with one single bedroom that doesnt have a door!!!

Nov 29, 2011
...
by: Anonymous

It's exhibitionism. One or both of the parents are 'getting off' that it's in the presence of a child, they know it's harmful. Mine did it to me and my sister and sometimes our friends when we were little. And they were ministers. Looked at dirty magazines in front of us, had sex where we could hear them and even see them if we looked down from the loft we were in at our weekend cabin. And yes they were/are alcoholics. Not falling down drunks but they have always abused alcohol. With 3 PhD's between them they should know better. They did know better. Now my sister and I are in our 40s, finally talking about it. We are going to a trauma center together to try to clear out the damage that was done that continues to ruin our lives - we don't know what real intimacy is with another person. But we're going to try to heal. If it hasn't happened to you, it's very difficult to understand how harmful it truly is.

Jan 03, 2012
scarred
by: Anonymous

I am 11 years old and i hear me parents having sex in the morning and a night. One time at 10 0clocknam me and my bro were in our bedroom drawing and our parents knew we were awake so they had sex anyway. My little bro is 5 years old and they still do it. if i hear them in the morning before school i cry and pretend to sleep. But all day at school i am angry with ppl for doing nothing at all i cry about it . it all my parents fault

Jan 04, 2012
...
by: Kendra

I remember when I was about 10, my mom who is 13 yrs older than I ( I know, she was young, my gran had her at 15) came home from the bar with my gran and a couple dirtbags. As usual they were drunk. My room was in between my moms and grans. It was an old house with those big vents.. I could hear moaning and clapping sounds from grans room as well as my moms screams and cries from her room. Id hear her say please don't hurt me I have a daughter. It terrified me! I lay there for hours listening to these god awful sounds coming from either side of me. I lived like that until I moved out last year at 17. I don't talk to eith my mom or gran anymore. Apparently I'm ungrateful :s

Jan 09, 2012
It's gross
by: Sasie

My mom is always having sex with her boyfriend. It's gross cuz he'll come over and always slaps her butt grabs her boobs, put his hand in her pants ,. She gets all giggly and rubs him and then he'll say I'm going to go wreck your mother and they run upstairs and have really loud sex. They'll do it for hours and then he comes downstairs and says stuff like your moms a great f&$@, or I just destroyed her leave her alone for awhile. Then I wont see her for rest of the day or night. It's like as soon as he gets there they have to have sex. They don't eVen try to be quiet :(

Feb 09, 2012
Sex is beautiful
by: Lainee

I grew up in a large family ina small house. I have 4 older siblings and 2 younger. My older brothers and their wives lived with us and on any given time of day you'd hear my parents, brothersand their wives having sex. It wasn't raunchy but the sounds of making love. When my sisters and I married we too made love to our husbands in the house we shared with our parents before We eventually all moved out created our own families but my mother will say she misses the sounds of love throughout the house and although she is still sexually active (she's 79) with my dad (81) she wishes she could re experience sex as it used to be. loving and sensual and plentiful

Feb 13, 2012
For the love of God, people!
by: Anonymous

For all you who are saying "yes! I saw my parents doing it and now I can remember everything! It was horrible and traumatic and definitely abuse!"

I was sexually abused my my father for five years, from the time I was two to the time I was seven. I can certainly verify that the occasions when I saw my parents having sex, though I do remember them, are -nothing- like abuse.

Listen up.

Viewing healthy loving relationships taking part in a healthy normal activity, no matter how old or young or how many times you see, is nothing like abuse. It will not make living a challenge. Nobody will gasp and say "I never knew". If you tell them. Because it isn't that big of a deal. [This is melodrama, and given what I've endured, I find this melodrama disgusting.]

Feb 20, 2012
Can be Scary
by: 60 Male

I am a 60 year old male who has heard and seen his parents having sex.
My first experience was when I was 10 we lived in a wooden house. The noise travelled from one end to the other unabated. My parents bed room was next to my own and the doors were always open, to catch the breeze on warm summer nights.
My first experience of strange noises in the night was when awakened by my mother yelling for God and my father groning with the bed banging and squeeking. I wasn,t sure what was happening especilly with God,s name menstioned.I just layed in my bed scared for what seemed for eternity.
Then dead silence; I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning at breakfast everything was great, just another day everybody happy.
I consulted my best friend at school and he confirmed that my parents were having sex as he and his sister had experieced the same thing a few times. Over the years I heard them numerious times and also accidently saw them on occassion humping away. My parents were a very senciuos couple. They kissed and hugged each other loveingly in front of me but nothing else.
I do not think it effected me in anyway other than getting me excited as any young boy does with alsorts of fantasies. I evently grew out of that. I grew up and married and had 5 children. The experience has never changed my love for my parents. I have never told them what I had heard and saw in my younger days. I feel sadness to the the people that it has deeply effected. I also beleive it becomes child abuse if parents have sex or expose themselves in front of children for their own grafication.
For those effected please try to get over it and enjoy life as we are only on earth for a short time.

Mar 28, 2012
Really
by: Anonymous

I have a 4 yr old stepdaughter, her father and i just got full custody of her. For all of you who have witnessed there parents having intercourse, i feel for you. My stepdaughter slept with her mother and boyfriend for the past 3 yrs. My stepdaughter who is 4 is going around giving her 3 yr old brother oral sex. Not only do we have to get her help but now we have to get her brother help to. So all you parents who feel like its fine to have intercourse in front of ur child think about this situation. Do u want ur child to witness ur sexual life. How can u do that to an innocent child who u carried and delivered for 10 months. Ur Childs life comes before ur sexual life. It kills me to have to see my babys get hurt by there mother when she live 1000 miles away. I just had a child of my own and cant bear the thought of why a mother would do anything if there is a possibility that it could affect ur child life. my babies have to grow up knowing that this has happened. So im begging all of u parents plz stop and think before you want to go and do something like that in front of ur child!

Mar 29, 2012
Something that might help
by: Anonymous

Emotional Freedom Techniques work for emotional trauma. Youtubing "Emotional Freedom Techniques" will give you great resources!

Jul 15, 2012
[for me i say] definitely yes
by: Anonymous

i am a survivor of this bizare behavior. I have found it very comforting to find this site. I was forced to sleep in my parents bedroom until i was seven years old. i saw many things i shouldnt have seen. i would turn on the light to geth them to stop, i would even leave the room and crawl into sissys bed, only to have mother repeatedly return me back to that hell. why did she keep bringing me back? she claimed bcause i had consulvions that the dr advised to her to keep an eye on me till i was seven.
i am scared for life. i am addicted to drugs, and am bi polar.

Aug 28, 2012
I experienced this too :(
by: Now in Japan

I went through such a experience when I was around 7 to 8 years old. My mum got hooked with this new guy who eventually became my defacto step-dad. They booked a hotel room with a single and double bed.

At night I woke up, the room lights were on and they were having sex right there less than 2 meters from me.

I was shocked, yet curious and hid under the covers and just watched without making any noise.

A few years later I was actually sexually abused by her boyfriend while my mum was at work.

My mum and I were also physically and verbally abused almost daily for a period of 10 to 11 years by this guy.

Now I'm 34 years old and I have not recovered to this day. I'm always so angry with what I had experienced.

To make things more complicated, I have a step brother whom I love very dearly who is the son of the man who abused me. I never told my brother, probably never will.

I'm lucky now that I have a very beautiful and understanding wife. I have confided in her by letting her know a bit of my past. She's very helpful, supportive and understanding.

Although this thing bothers me a lot and haunts me from time to time.

I've decided to make my life as awesome as possible, be extremely productive and useful, be a decent respectable human being, look out for others and basically be positive each and every day in my life.

I can't change the past, I certainly have an opportunity to change the future.

Thanks

Sep 28, 2012
It depends
by: BMW Princess

I don't know if i'd consider it sexual abuse.
I guess intent matters. If a child walks in on his parents that's awkward not abuse. But if the parents are intentionally having sex in front of a child like in Sybil that's morally wrong. And a parent might have a sex addiction or a personality deisorder. If that's what is driving a parent to have sex in front of a child the onus is on the adult to get help.

Dec 26, 2012
just wanted to point out
by: Anonymous

it is not infact illegal in itself, but it is generally frowned upon and there are several charges that you COULD be brought in on (exposing yourself to a minor, ect.), a couple was arrested for it just last year.

Jun 02, 2013
I Can't Stop Thinking About the Past
by: Anonymous

From Darlene Barriere - Webmaster: To Anonymous: As this thread is dedicated to the subject matter of the title, I've moved your comment from this thread to a post on my stories page. You can expect to see it live on the site within about a week or so as Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed147. Thank you for your contribution and your patience.



Jul 02, 2013
my parent s sex
by: Anonymous

walked on my parents having sex first time when i was nine.It was summer of 2004 late June.So I went to my mom and dads room to and when i opened the door my dad was on top of my mom.They jumped up quickly and got their clothes on.I closed the door and went back outside.The same summer i had to sleep with my parents in same bed because we were moving out of that house and there were no other beds in house.I heard them have sex many times.I remember one night i wanted them to stop having sex so i went in middle.But couple of minutes later my dad went around the bed and came to my moms side and they did it anyways.I also rember hearing my mom one night asking my dad ,,Am i maybe pregnant,and he was just laughing.I was pretending that i was sleeping at night cuase we werein same bed but i heard everything.After that we moved to new house and i was wondering how my mom isnt pregnant becuase that smmer they were having lots of sex.I just wonder were they planning another baby.I never talked to them about that.Today I am 18 and i still dont know the answer.In new house i just heard them couple of times.But thanks god i had my new room.I will always remebr this.

Aug 08, 2013
my experience
by: Anonymous

i think it can be sexual abuse in a emotional way. my parents were already a bit old when i caught them at 10 and my mother always acts very innocent and moral, like a christian even though she isnt, so i would never expected it. i remember the first time we were at an hotel and i woke up in the morning, i was hungry so i went to my parents room to tell them, i was still a bit sleepy, i opened the door and the room was very bright as the blinds were also open. there was a corner to the left side to the door, and as i walked across, i think I was beggining to say something but then i was shocked and didnt say anything, because my parents were viciously having sex with no sheets, im not very sure what they were doing or what position it was, to me it just looked like they were rolling naked. i turned back and closed the door, and i dont think they noticed as they were really into it especially my mother, she was really out of breath. i could hear them from my room and i was really scared, i knew exactly what was going on and i knew what sex was because my friends had told me before, so i didnt make any noise and tried playing with my gameboy until they stopped. after a while they went to the bathroom and when they came to me my mother looked really happy, and she kissed me and asked if i sleeped well and i said yes and then went to take breakfast.
another time i remember well was at another hotel, i could hear water splashing in the bathroom and through the bathroom door slightly opened i could see them having sex doggytyle in the bathtub filled with water, they were making less noises this time. during the years till i was 12 or 13 we've went to about 15 hotels and guesthouses (ive also heard them sometimes in our house), and in everyone of them, i heard them having sex in the middle of the night, they always woke me up with their screaming, and one night both beds were in the same room, even thought it was dark, i could see them in missionary position with the sheets covering, i saw the whole think and then i saw my father ejaculating in my mother's face.
i think i would have preferred if my parents were younger and had a more juvenile mentality, they are really moralistic and conservative, so its wierd because they dont look like the type.

Jul 26, 2014
Thought I was going crazy.......
by: Anonymous

I'm glad I found this thread. All the time growing up I would hear my parents gave sex, I hated it and felt sooo uncomfortable altough it was only through the wall and I learned to use headphones etc. Real problem was when on holiday, and also during a long period when we moved house and had to go to my grandparents for a while I had to share a room with them and my younger sister. During these times I saw foreplay with lights on, not even under the covers, then when lights went off noises shaking bed etc. then in the morning underwear and codom packets on the floor. I was disgusted!!! It got so bad I really bravely decided to tell my mother, the reaction I got from her...well!!! She swore at me threw me in my bed and told me it was normal, she could do whatever she wanted. Also I was grounded for about a month. After that I obviously never mentioned it again . I believed it was me/ my fault and that I shouldn't have been upset. However I often thought of it, and feelings bother me to this day., when as a grown woman find sex disgusting, hate being touched and just generally it makes me feel filthy. I've got nobody to talk to over this and would like some advice over how I can feel better??? I still feel silly and as though it should really be a non issue as there are worse things etc thanks to everyone who posted here I can really connect with you , god bless :)

Aug 14, 2014
I was that girl too
by: Anonymous

I'm also glad I'm not the only one who still feels hurt by my parents and what they done , I'm 45 now married with a daughter and I've never told my husband about what happened to me as a child , I've broached the subject and when he replies that he never heard anything from his parents I feel more like the one with the weird family !, so change the subject
I first heard my parents to my knowledge when I was about 8 , I was In my own room across a small landing when I first heard the noises , I cried thinking something was wrong to which my mum ran into my room naked to console me , she then took me in her bed , to which my dad seemed none too happy about , it did I continue and I would sometimes see my mum with lovebites which would worry me as a child I thought it was a scar or something , my grandmother would sometimes make comments about them saying they were like animals ( she lived with us for a few months ) I also remember them allowing me to have a small alcoholic drink sometimes , I can't help but wonder was it to knock me out .
I do sometimes think of how inconsiderate it was if them and want to tell them , but they're old now and what would it achieve
Thanks for reading

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Ask Darlene



E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...

Do you want to be notified of future healing workshops by Darlene Barriere?