Getting Away With Sexual Assault of a Child

by Wendy
(Centereach, NY, USA)

I am a 42-year-old woman living on Long Island in New York and I have a 10-year-old son who was sexually abused by my own daughter 5 years ago. This has been the worst nightmare I could have ever imagined! These past five years have been literal Hell for my son, a Hell which doesn't seem to have an ending in sight!

My daughter was 14 and my son was 5 when the abuse allegations came out. My son began to act out in a sexual nature in his classroom with other boys and I was called to the school to be told that he was telling the principal and the school therapist that his sister had been "doing bad things" to him. Later that same day, I had Sexual Crimes Unit Detectives and Child Protective Services at my front door wanting to speak with my 5-year-old son. I let them speak to him but they told me I could not be in the same room when they interviewed him. As I listened from behind my bedroom door, I heard things coming from my son's mouth that I pray no other parent will ever have to hear. He told of how his sister made him have sex with her, oral and intercourse. I heard him tell of how his "daddy" took pictures and watched them while performing these unspeakable acts on my son. I was horrified! This day was the beginning of my nightmare.

My daughter was initially charged with felony sexual assault which was eventually dropped to Juvenile misdemeanour sexual assault. She was sent to a girls group home, and there was an Order of Protection where there was to be no contact whatsoever with my son. She was brought back to court because she broke the order of protection by mailing my son a card. I was the one who made her therapist aware of this card. She was then sent to a facility for female sexual offenders in Virginia. All the while, my son is having extreme difficulty in school, sexually acting out with other children, and many other behavioral problems which continued to escalate.

September 2007, I had to have my son sent to a hospital for behavioral problems because there were no doctors or therapists who were trained to treat sexually abused children. He needed help so bad, and I was at a loss as a parent who wanted him to get help but could not find any. This past February 2008, I had to voluntarily place him in Suffolk County Foster Care System to be placed in a facility that would be able to help him with his many issues. This is all stemming from the sexual abuse at the hands of not only my daughter but at the hands of his father as well; who by the way was never charged with anything! My son now will be in this treatment facility for boys for about 2-3 years.

My message today is that there needs to be more help for these children of sexual abuse. There also needs to be a PROPER and DETAILED investigation into sexual abuse allegations of young children like my son. I feel that his father was never investigated fully and SHOULD have been charged with sexual assault and abuse of my son. This is why I have titled this article, Getting Away With Sexual Assault of a Child.

Darlene's comments to this Child Abuse Article titled "Getting Away With Sexual Assault of a Child" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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Comments for Getting Away With Sexual Assault of a Child

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Oct 07, 2008
You ARE a loving mother...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Wendy, I am so terribly sorry that you are faced with this horrible situation; it most certainly is a nightmare. You are doing the best you can for your son; don't ever lose sight of that. He is where he needs to be in order to get him the help he desperately needs. Give yourself the credit due for having the wherewithal to make decisions that are in your son's best interest.

Your son's father was never charged with sexual abuse...perhaps there will come a time when he faces the consequences for what he did to both your son AND your 14-year-old daughter.

Wendy, I would be remiss if I didn't also say that your continued suffering will not help your son. That is why I very kindly but strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling. A counsellor may be able to help you with the anger and resentment, all the emotional residue this profoundly troubling situation has left you with. You and your son are so worth that kind of help.

Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story with my visitors and me, Wendy. I'm honoured that you would do so, and I do hope that at the very least, doing so has helped you, even if it was just to vent what must be unbearable frustration at a backward and uncaring system.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 16, 2008
by: Anonymous

Is it just me? I really feel for your 14 year old daughter as well as your son. I can't believe that nothing was done in regards to his Father. I don't believe that your daughter could commit herself to doing such horrible things without being put up to it in some way. From what you explained, the Father sounds like he was involved in something that seemed to be an organized activity.

I was an abused girl in a similar situation and I guarantee that your son can pull through, I don't know what can help him. I had no help, and I made it to the other side and now I am a fully functioning adult. I think the time when things started to work for me was when I was a teenager and I realized that this sexual behavior wasn't normal and that everyone else wasn't doing what I was. I hope you find some comfort in what I have said about my story.

I feel for your son and I hope things improve for him. I also hope your daughter is ok.

Oct 17, 2008
i know what you meen
by: Anonymous

hi there
i am 19 years old and when i was 1 till i was 6 i was rapped at least every other weekend by my father, he abused my brother and did things to me i can't even say, so i desided that i was going to help children like me and your son because no one else really can if they havn't been through the same or simalor thing.

good luck

Oct 19, 2008
Additional Information and questions regarding this article I wrote
by: Wendy / Long Island, NY

This is Wendy again. I just some additional information on my abuse article and some questions.
I saw the comment by anonymous, the 19 yr. old girl who wrote and said she was raped by her father from age 1 to age 6. I wanted to ask her, and other abuse victims, if she ever told anyone about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father? I also wanted to ask if she felt the need to defend him instead of telling? Did the fear of her father weigh on her decision?
I ask these questions because my daughter, now 19 as well, always defends her father and "claims" he never touched her, which I never have believed. When she was away in the treatment facility in Virginia, she was miles away from her father and yet she never admitted any abuse by him. This confuses me but I have been told that it is "normal" for a child to defend their abuser. I need to find out from others, like 19 yr. old anonymous, if this is a "normal" reaction.
Thank you again for letting me share more of my story and to ask some questions that I need direct and clear answers to.

Wendy / Long Island, NY

Apr 28, 2009
i've been there
by: Anonymous

although i was not abused by my father i was abused by my older brother. it happenned from 5 to 7. i am 18 yrs old now and still to this day i have not told my parents. i never had help and i got through it. it was in my middle teens that i realized it wasn't my fault and that i could make my life so much better then where it was far as your daughter protecting your husband i believe she could still feel some kind of attachment to him, a sort of loyalty. either that or she's just scared to admit what happened to her. when bein abused by someone of authority you develop a sort of weird bond with them. you become a victim in more then one way. your a victim physically and psychologically. its really hard o explain. but i guarantee your son will pull this period of time.

From Darlene: Very well said, Anonymous! You are definitely on the mark when you say "a weird bond" develops between the abused and the abuser. There is a dynamic present that can last well into one's adult years. Thank you so much for sharing here.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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