Fourteen and Wants to Get Pregnant

by D.J.C.
(Calgary, Alberta, Canada)

This little story of mine breaks my heart. We have a young lady of fourteen years who sits for us. She dropped a bomb shell on me the other night driving her home after sitting for us. We all know the family is under a lot of stress with the father's substance abuse and rather odd behaviors. I was told quite profoundly that she was trying her best to become pregnant so she would be sent away from her home. Her words: "He says he'll throw me out if I ever get pregnant." O.K., other than I would like to get my baseball bat out and have a very pointed discussion with this Fellow, I don't know what to do.


A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Comments for Fourteen and Wants to Get Pregnant

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 28, 2009
Part 1: I completely understand your feelings...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can appreciate how upsetting it was to hear what this obviously desperate young woman is planning to do. This is what can happen when the system refuses to act to protect a child. What I don't know is if the system is actually involved with this case. The fact that you live in Canada makes it your legal obligation to report to Social Services what you know about the family situation, what you suspect and what this teenager has told you.

Although you are no relation to this girl and though she may have asked you to keep her "secret" (I don't know if that's the case; she might expect you to but also secretly hope you'll act) I would go one step further. What I would personally do is contact her school and talk to a counsellor about what you know about her and her family. Don't do this in place of contacting Social Services; do it in conjunction with it. This tell-a-school-counsellor suggestion does not come from any manual or set of guidelines to follow in such cases, because such cases are seldom looked at when establishing guidelines. I would do anything I could to try and help this desperate girl. She is incapable of predicting the consequences of her actions. She can only see what she believes is going to be the immediate desirable outcome. The truth is, being thrown out of the house might not happen even if she DOES get pregnant, which could put her and her unborn baby at great risk. The statistics for violence against expectant mothers (both adults and children) is many times higher than almost any other group.

See Part 2: How this girl might react... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 28, 2009
Part 2: How this girl might react...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is a chance this girl will be upset with you for disclosing her plans and for actually reporting what you know, but you are both morally and legally obligated to do so. And yes, it is important for her to be able to trust and feel safe talking to someone about what she is dealing with, but that cannot come at the expense of her personal safety or her future. As the adult, you must act. The statistics for child abuse, especially severe neglect, at the hands of parents who themselves are still children are staggering. We both know she is not equipped in any way to raise a child. The repercussions of her getting pregnant will have lasting and quite likely devastating effects for both her and her baby.

Be a safe and soft place for her to land, but not a place where all stay silent. If she views your actions of reporting as some form of betrayal, it's because she is not developed enough to understand. Her safety must come first. And though she may not understand that today, she may well in the future.

Thank you for sharing this story with my visitors and me. You are a very caring person.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 28, 2009
Thank-you Darlene
by: D.J.C.

I am very close friends with a lady Investigator with the local Police.I passed this information off to her, out of shear desparation on my behalf.Her advice mirrors the information that you have shared with me in your site. Believe me it is nice to hear the same from obviously two well read professionals.She also expressed the same concerns as yourself of my breaking the trust this young girl has extended to me.All of the investigations have now been intiated by the local Police Services and Social Services.She promissed my name will never be used under any circumstances.You have to love it when a plan comes together so well. I think this is a good example of getting involved, and making a diferance

From Darlene: I applaud you, D.J.C.! You have SO done the right thing. We need more people like you who will get involved when a child's well-being is at stake. Now it's up to the system to do their part. And my apologies for not being able to post your story and my comments sooner; I have faced several personal and website challenges these past few days.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Child Abuse Commentary.