Fostercare Child Abuse - Parents at Fault

by Anonymous
(Las Vegas, Nevada, USA)

MY life in fostercare: 
I'm a foster child and I think parents need to stop pointing fingers at people because your children are abused in foster homes. Yes, it's wrong and should be stopped, but it is partially YOUR fault for the abuse because if you had never done something wrong to get your children removed from your custody, they would never have been abused in a foster home.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Fostercare Child Abuse - Parents at Fault

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Mar 25, 2011
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I agree that parents have to accept responsibility for their role in how their children suffered child abuse in foster homes. Foster children who are abused in those foster homes suffered doubly: They were abused in some way at the hands of their parents, then abused at the hands of government selected caregivers; the ultimate betrayal and abandonment. They're already frightened, and often blame themselves because the family is now split apart. And when these children have been wanting to get out of their abusive homes, just when they believe that things might get better, things get worse. The experience serves to reinforce the message that these children are in some way flawed, not good enough, deserving of abuse, plus a whole host of other life-altering negative messages. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. But children internalize what they see going on around them, and blame themselves. Anonymous, I do hope you are in some form of counseling in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you've endured. You're certainly worthy of that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this pervasive issue with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 25, 2011
I understand your feelings, however...
by: Elizabeth Wright

Not all children in foster care are there because their parents did something to them. Some parents willingly give up their children thinking they will have better lives than their parents could give them and some have parents that die with no family to speak of.

What I wouldn't have given to have the chance to find a kind foster family instead of years of abuse by my stepfather and stepbrothers. My mother even knew about the abuse and allowed my stepfather back into the house. Things were different back then.

I would have taken a chance on a healthy foster family, perhaps I would have ended up in a similar situation. And while I can understand how being betrayed by outsiders who are supposed to be there to protect you, I believe it is far worse when your own family doesn't protect you and they don't protect you repeatedly.

The problem is that the system is overworked and people are corrupt - not all but some. It's unfortunate. It would be nice if there was no abuse, no murders, no pain and suffering. Unfortunately, we don't life in a utopian society. I don't know what the cure is for the pain and suffering in soceity.

Mar 26, 2011
Always believe in your self: Get help: You'll be fine
by: maurice

You have found a safe place: Haven: to share your real double abuse story: My heart goes out to you hugely: Darlene as always has opened up her heart to you in her comment: read it slowly, take her words into your heart: You'll be fine: you are intelligent, My mother thought she was doing the right thing for me when she had to part with me to go to a school for the visually impaired so I would not go blind: It was not her fault there was one sicko in the school who abused us boys under his care: But my sight is good now and only recently when I had some surgery done I was told by the surgeon: You should never have been sent to that school: After all the years (7) I was abused to hear that; Put your telling of your story in perspective: If your parents loved and cherished you instead of abusing you you should not have been in that Foster home either: Sadly that is easy said in hindsight, like closing the door when the horse has bolted: Darlene has given you affirming, re-assuring words to support your healing process of your double abuse: Hi find some form of counselling: take charge of your own destiny: I WILL I CAN I MUST: Beacause I AM WORTH IT: That you are wonderful and beautiful human person: You were unlucky in the house you were born into: you were unlucky in the so called protecting foster home you were assigned to: Darlene in her comment has put that all in perspective lovingly for you: I am sure you are young enough to begin having healthy mind in a healthy body: Ah sure if your 100 your young enough: Take part in team sports: sporting and cultural activities with like-minded people your own age and gender: You make great, natural and real friends for life: Stay in Education: you are intelligent, special, unique: Your the best: now get on with living your life to the full: Be gentle and kind to yourself and be extra nice to that beautiful body of yours; erase the not so nice memories; soothe your body gently with scented oils and creams: become active and alive with people:

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