Epic System Failure

by Michelle B
(Portland, Oregon, USA)

2002 my daughter at the time 18 mo. disclosed some concerning statements of possible sexual abuse by her father! At the time I didn't realize her statements had anything to do with sexual abuse until investigating more into it! Alagations continued to progress thru the age of 4 yrs!! At age 18 mo after spending the afternoon with her dad I had come back. He had left my daughter was asleep later on she woke up I went to change her diaper and she stated,

The snow is all gone! I said the snow? My daughter says ya it's all gone! At the time she hadn't expierence anything of snow since she hadn't been around snow until she was 2 1/2 3 yrs of age.i was curious what she was saying. I asked my daughter, where was the snow? She said right here on my tummy as she touched her tummy .. I said how did the snow get on your tummy? She said my daddy put the snow on there! After that I was quiet for a minute thinking and confused. I didn't know what to make of what she had just told me. I was finishing up with changing her. she was squirming around and real causal and soft she says, he put it on my butt! I said he did what? She said no! I said he put it on my but. I asked what on your but? Then she switch over to she was hungry. So we got up and fixed something to eat. I didn't mention anything more. Later on I called my dad told him what she said he was concerned also. I already had her in counseling prior to that night due to some outrage behavior that recently started... so he suggested that I call her therapist and let her know.. I called her she told me we need to be seen today and that I needed to report it to cps. Said I can call from her office. So I made the report. Then a medical exam was a must. The outcome was unknown. Cps also told me to file for legal custody. So I did I got custody he got visitation every other Saturday for 6 hours progressing into every other weekend at 3 yrs. My daughters behavior continued to worsen overtime. With more possible signs of abuse.. still unknown 2 years later age 4 at pick up time she would scream and scream holding on to me as tight as her little hands could as she cried I don't want to go with him. He was right their. I said honey what's wrong let's go with daddy she said no I sad why She said I don't like him. I said well he's your dad come on let's get u in the car it will be fun. She cried and cried as I help her into her seat mommy mommy please I don't want to go. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. After they left I called cps nothing was done.. the next visit came she did the same thing.. I looked up at her dad and said I'm sorry but I'm not forcing her again. Called cps let them know what I decided. When we got in the house she calmed down. I said ok you need to tell me why you don't want to go with ur dad she said I don't want to then would become angry I told her you have to tell me what's happening or I can't help you... she would say no I can't tell you.. a couple days past and I told her it's almost your cost with your dad she started crying no I don't want to go please mommy I said you need to listen to me closely you need to tell me what happens at daddy's and until u tell moma I have to send you.. I said you can tell me I promise it will be OK she said I won't tell him whatever you say... she finally spoke a little she said he takes naked pictures of me she said he gets naked and she says I get nakid. Then she got mad started screaming no more.. I calmed her down and told her not to worry I want making her go this time we sat quietly on the floor as he pounded on the door that went on the following week. Cps ordered another exam outcome was unknown and I was forced to give visitation back!! I promised my daughter that if she told me why I would keep her safe. I moved her to WA to stay with my mother and sister she was put in counseling and preschool after 6 MO and several disclosures to counselor WA cps and pre school teacher we were forced to bring her back to Oregon wa. State rated her high risk level 5 red flag for possible sexual abuse from father and won't give specific details due threats towards mothers life they believed child was protecting mother. Oregon judge listen to WA St testimony but wouldn't allow as evidence in or.st mother sentence 30 days jail for contempt father got custody it was recommended that we come back in a year for an custody evaluation update. After the court hearing during visitation she would continue to talk about daddy still does the grossy thing to me. Everyone I would ask her what the gross thing was she would say I can't tell.. that went on for 2 months. I wasn't to talk about the alagtions to her or cps without talking to her counselor first. 6 MO later she was done with counsling. All a ligation faded away she continued to have acting out behaviors . Our court order stated he wasn't to move my daughter out of the school district without my consent or the court order a year later he told me on a Friday night that he bought a house and was moving on Saturday 2 hrs away. She was 7. At age 12 she out of the blue told me she remembers our conversation at 4 yrs of the alagtions she made towards her dad she said she remembers where we were sitting she remembers where we lived at that moment. Then she said maybe I lied or made it up or something like that. I asked her if her dad knew about what she has told me. She said no I told her OK let's keep this between her and I until I figure out what to do. At the time we were taking her up to her dad's a dirt road surrounded by trees she said it's really creepy then she said why do I see a face. That triggered my memory since when this started atv2-4 she seen monsters in trees a lot any I asked her where the fave was she said on my drivers window she was really spooked with that memory. Now again at 15 she mentioned it again how she rebels what she said and she said I don't think he did anything I said I'm sorry but I can't agree and told her I'm going to find away to help yet. With this and her home life now she has been verbally abused by her dad and his mom they call her names like F. He threatens to beat her til she spins they get violent he has roadraged with her and her friend because he was mad at her he slammed his break crashed into the curb and threatened to drive into a tree. I can go on and on with more but it's a never ending story. I told him I will do what it takes to get her back and will not stop trying until the system stops and we have a voice that is heard.

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Comments for Epic System Failure

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Dec 19, 2014
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. And all that comes with how the system failed you and your daughter so completely. It always boggles my mind to learn of yet another judge who orders custody to a parent seemingly to punish the other parent for trying to protect the child. Keep doing what you have to do to let your daughter know that you are doing everything you can to help her. I send you both love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing yours and your daughter's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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