Effects of Targetted Child Abuse

by Emily
(California, USA)

Your article on parents targeting a child hit the nail on the proverbial head for me. I became my Mother to my father. She died in a car crash in which he was driving madly in the rain and her last words were "Slow down, Ray". He told me all the details of the accident - I was nine. He moved us to Geneva Switzerland to honor her last wish that they retire there. I was targeted from the day we moved there. I reminded my father of my mother. You would think that would be a good thing. But it wasn't. I was verbally and physically abused. It lasted til he died when I was 33. He broke my ear drum by slapping me across the head when I was 26 and in nursing school. I WAS promiscuous after he told me I "had a big pussy" when I was 17.


ON and ON it goes. I am always in a whirlwind about his words and his actions. People I dated told me it was like dating a tornado. I have no boundaries from danger. I feel like I invited dangerous responses from people. I made horrific mistakes when I became a nurse. When my father broke my eardrum I went to a doctor I worked with and she asked me "who did this to you?" and I replied: "an ancient enemy".

ON and on it goes. I go to Alanon to help with the effects of the disease of alcoholism. It helps.

I miss Geneva terribly. I left there not because I wanted to but because I was rejected for my promiscuous behavior. I was hanging out with a friend who was even more promiscuous than me. But she had a mother who eventually protected her from herself. I ended up in a hospital for two whole years, suicidal from my sexual acting out when I was 18.

I love that article on targeting a child. I never became a parent because my father would have killed my child I believe. Or my brother who molested me would have molested my children.

On and on it goes.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Effects of Targetted Child Abuse

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Jul 26, 2011
Emily:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you found my article on targeting a specific child for abuse so helpful. And I'm also delighted that you attend Alanon. That's a great place to get the support you need. But I believe you need even more support, someone who can help you to deal with the repercussions of all the abuse you endured growing up. You weren't only mistreated, Emily. You were taught you didn't matter. You DO matter. You had no power. You have power now, but you must take it back for your Self. You're worthy of the dignity and respect you never received. And now only YOU can bring that dignity and respect to your Self. It must start with you. So please seek out some type of counselling. You SO deserve it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 26, 2011
thank you
by: Emily L

Oh Darlene, Thank you for the forum to write my story about targeted child abuse. It is so awful to be humiliated and nullified. I like HUMILITY, not humiliation.

I DO get counseling and my counselor still encourages me to join forums like yours because I HAVE to tell my story, to put it outside myself and conquer it.
Again, thank you for the wonderful work you do just giving people, men and women, boys adn girls a safe place to tell our stories. You are wonderful. And I will learn to matter, even in my old age - I am now 57 and still reeling from the whirlwind of my early years. I LOVE that you put my words in your forum. It makes me happy to have someone recognize that they are REAL stories, they REALLY did happen just the way I remmeber. THAT makes me feel REAL. FINALLY!

Jul 26, 2011
being real
by: emily L.

Hi DArlene,
Your comments to me were wonderful. No, I didn't matter. None of us really did. How my brothers and sisters "made it" is beyond me. with that comment, that I didn't matter, you reminded me of a therapist who told me I didn't think I was a
"real person". I still don't and I have been married 23 years. My problem in hearing that is that I don't know HOW to BECOME A REAL PERSON!!!

That's all I can say for now. My counselor at the moment says I scare people - tha treminds me of being terrorized as you said in my first post on this website: that having witnessed domestic violence a child becomes terrorized. I can REALLY frighten myself just by remembering how I felt as a kid. Even today.

You are doing a wonderful work, Darlene. I can't say thank you enough. Now if I can just figure out how to become real. I hurt like a real person, I suffer and laugh and all that but when it comes to working, I am at a loss... I just don't have strength to learn the ropes socially.

wish me luck with my counseling. But there is more to it than just receiving counseling, becoming a real human being. The closest friend I have had who is Christian tells me I was the target of other people's envy because I was given so much good... I have to get this right, Darlene. I am 57 and I am still a little girl.
My husband is wonderful but i am a bit much for him, too, God bless him...


Jul 27, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Emily, first of all, my condolences to your mom. Second of all, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your so-called father was so twisted in his own ways of thinking that he didn't even know how to take care of himself; let alone be a father to you. He didn't know how to love even himself; all he ever knew was hate so he should've known better and loved and cherished you. Oh, and I know what it's like for you to have been born into such a house where that sick beast didn't want you to be a girl when you were born. Oh, and too bad that sadistic brute died because he should've gone to prison for all those terrible crimes that he committed against you because you did nothing wrong. Oh, and did I mention that he also abused your brother by teaching him to offend you as well? Oh, and breaking your eardrum by sadistically slapping you is a really cowardly thing to do. Oh, and most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. You are not to blame for his sadistic, misogynistic, ignorant behavior; he is to blame because he chose to abuse you. You were the child; he was the adult; he had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that you are in a safe place now. I'm also glad that your husband is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you stay in counselling.

Jul 27, 2011
we are truly loved and affirmed
by: maurice

Emily: you truly hit the nail on the head too in your gratefulness and thanks to Darlene from the bottom of your heart: Yes, her article on why parents target one child: I know it went on in every family where I lived in a small rural part of Ireland: By Fathers mostly as they picked on the eldest son/daughter and made an example of them in front of their siblings most humiliating them by thrashing their bare bottoms cruelly and with their belts: This continued until they left home for work placemens: Even then when they came home for the week-ends they were ordered to be at a certain time from a dance: in all cases their fathers would wait up for them and get all the kids out of bed while the daughters changed into their pyjamas or nightie: Then the thrashing would begin: all of those that it happened to told me they would be pleading with him to stop but he never did: so Darlene's article is profound TRUE: You be safe: Always believe in yourself: stay with your therapist/counsellor> We are truly affirmed and loved by Darlene who wants us all to heal from the effects of our abuse: She's proved there is a full life to be lived after being abused; Love yourself Emily I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: HAVE A HEALTHY MIND IN A HEALTHY BODY PLAY TEAM SPORTS WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND LIKEMINDED YOUNG WOMEN YOUR OWN AGE: New horizons will open up for you:

Aug 11, 2011
being real
by: emily l

thank you all for your comments on my story. At 57, it feels like I have friends for the first time in my life who really KNOW what the heck has happened to me. I appreciate all your encouragement.
I don't like sports because my body remembers the abuse it felt and I feel really self conscious around other people. I feel like I am wearing a sign that says "Abuse me! Im used to it" It's really weird. I do yoga and dance in my house mostly and walk dogs all the time. I make sure I have dogs around. They are the best friends anyone could have.
I love this forum. I love reading other people's stories and commenting on them to be loving and helpful. I am grateful for my faith that says all suffering matters to Christ. I won't go into it, but all this healing wouldn't happen if I didn't believe there is a God who suffers with us... I have seen proof of that making life better in the end. WE know we can work to be better selves. Better than what we went through.

Darlene,
You are graciously letting us all pour out our stories and you carefully let us choose to tell. That is a miracle in itself, just TELLING someone... and having it matter.
I can't say thank you enough for your empathetic website. And it helps that none of us really knows anyone else. We can't JUDGE anyone that way.



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