Child Abuse: Times Haven Not Changed

by Jim
(Surrey, British Columbia, Canada)

I am still a very angry person, and just when I thought things were better... 
I was first abused by my mother at around 2 years old. (I am 42 years old now and my mother is 60). It started by her pushing me down a flight of stairs at my grandmother's house where we lived. We lived there because my mother and father were divorced because allegedly she had tried to smother my father in his sleep one night when I was around 8 months old.


My mother beat me and verbally abused me while I was growing up, telling me I look just like my father and I should die. She told me I was useless and that all men are bad and I would grow up to be mean and I deserved to die before I messed a women up when I became older.

I ran away at a very young age (11) where I started to sell drugs as my only financial support. I lived with other drug dealers and hookers where we all pooled our money together and would rent hotel rooms and try and live as natural as could be. I became a very angry person and joined gangs and the like. For some reason, because my mother planted in my head that I would be mean to women or hurt them, I became the very opposite and protected them. I have thousands of stories where I believe I could write a story about my life on the streets in Canada and the US as well as the close calls to losing my life and the countless numbers of friends that did.

I was divorced back around 2004 and remarried in 2006. However, in 2008 my new wife and I found out that 2 of my 5 children had been sexually assaulted (raped) by their biological mother, and because it was deemed a historical case because it was not brought up until 1 year later, they would not put my two girls through court even though they wanted their biological mother thrown in jail for these horrific crimes.

Times have not changed. I was abused and severely beaten up by my middle-class to rich mother, and my little girls were raped by their middle-class mother. Nothing is being done about it. This is bullshit.

I have thought of starting a charity for men who have been abused, but I have almost been laughed at. But what about us who are raising kids that have been raped and we were abused as well...who helps us??? Or are we just stuck in this hell with no help for fear of being called a liar, or maybe you put those ideas into your children's mind???

I really wish I knew who can help people like us!!

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

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Comments for Child Abuse: Times Haven Not Changed

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Aug 06, 2009
No statute of limitations in Canada on child abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jim, in Canada there is no statute of limitations on child abuse. So even if the case is a historical one, it can be prosecuted. Two highly publicized cases were the natives against the government over the residential schools abuse, and Tom Ellison who was accused and convicted a few years ago of indecent assault of teenage girls when he was a teacher in Vancouver during the 70s and 80s. But the decision is ultimately up to the prosecutor. If s/he does not believe there is enough evidence or that there is little probability of a conviction, then s/he can decline to prosecute.

I can't offer you any help, except to give you space on my site to vent your frustrations at an uncaring system. And to say that just because some narrow-minded people laugh at your idea doesn't mean it isn't a good one or that it isn't a necessary one. Go for it, Jim!

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I wish you and your precious daughters all the best.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 06, 2009
A Sexist for a Mother
by: Anonymous

Jim, your mother is wrong. You are not useless; you are not mean; not all men are "bad"; you are a very kind man and we admire you for watching out for women's safety and I hope you do the same thing for your kids because no one deserves to be mistreated. I'm sorry that you didn't have a good mother. there is no reason for your mother to be sexist because it is so wrong and she should've been in prison. As for your ex, she really needs help...but you need help, too. Have you tried counselling? I wish you and your kids all the best and I will pray for you guys. Be brave, Jim, and stay strong.

P.S. I have anger issues, too, due to my horrible childhood and my family abusing me and calling me names.

Aug 06, 2009
I cant believe it.
by: Ayan

you should not have believed a word your mother said. She was being really insensitive. BTw i live in the exact same place as you Jim!

Aug 06, 2009
I cant believe it.
by: Marie

your mother was being really insensitive towards you. I am sorry that any child or person ever has to go through this. I used to ask god why he let this happen. Then i asked my mother. "She said, God cannot prevent humans from making bad choices but He can advise them. He can help those who suffer heal and those who cause suffering to heal." she taught me a prayer it goes: "God grant me th serenity toaccept the things i cannot change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know th difference". God be with you jim

Aug 07, 2009
You are not alone: How right you are: Only you can change attitudes.
by: maurice

Jim, I agree wholeheartedly with you. Times haven't changed but thankfully there is a greater awareness and therefore less of it happening. Here in Ireland I too hear of children still being abused. Those of us who have been abused are slowly making an impact on Attitudes to the whole abuse world that was so hidden throughout the world for years. Sadly, other forms of abuse are being perpetrated by a small but growing percent of sicko's. Sadly because of the World economy deteriorating day by day, Hidden abuse is not being reported. I hear from the many agencies that people who are being abused are still fearful of coming forward. Jim, you are aware of times not having changed. You must stand up and be counted, great you are thinking of forming a group for males who were abused, let them be your support group to speak out and change attitude so that abusers will be prosecuted. named and shamed. Great to read Darlene's comment she's a saviour to you and us all in her Comments and site. Her site is a platform for us all to share our feelings in the hope we move each other to speak out for the voiceless still being abused. Anonymous, Ayan, Marie and now myself love you and thank you for sharing. Mothers who abuse I find most abhorrent. the very one's who birthed a beautiful child then treats it cruelly makes my blood boil. I get very angry when I read and hear that it is a Mother who abused. All abuse is wrong no matter the Gender that causes it. We have innocent teenagers being smuggled into Ireland for the sex industry. Abuse in todays world. In our own small way let us speak out on their behalf. We need to believe in a higher power other than the human being. Human Nature is weak, very weak without the help of this higher power. God. Let us pray for each other

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