Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed125

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I wonder what's wrong with me: 
Ever since I was young I was being molested by my father and my step grandfather. My dad would come and touch me in the middle of the night and I was to scared to say anything cause I thought he would hurt me like beat me. My step grandfather would also touch me but not while I was sleeping just while I was at my grandmas and he threatened to kill me an my family. One day my grandmothers aide walked in and saw him touching me and told I was so happy. That was when I was going into 6th grade. My parents got divorced that year so all the touching stopped. The next year my dad got visitation. I broke down. I started to cut myself I was bulimic. My friends told the guidance counseler wat I was doing and I told my mom what my dad did and I went to court and had to testify. I was in therapy, I hated it so I acted like I was fine. But now I'm not and I'm having nightmares and having suicidal thoughts really bad anxiety and depression. I just wanna be happy and it's like I don't know the feeling, it's like a foreign language. I just don't wanna be in pain anymore and I can't like be in a relationship with a guy bc some how I end up using them and having no feelings at all. I feel like confused and like unable to fully express myself without hurting myself bc it feels like I'm like this bc of me. And I know it's not my fault it's just that there's a big wall between what I know and what I feel. I wonder if this is like normal. If I'm ever going to live a normal life. If I can ever be happy again.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed125

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 17, 2012
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Try not to think in terms of "what's wrong with me", and more in terms of "what can I do to heal". I can understand that as a younger person you didn't want to go to therapy, that you "hated it". What's probably more accurate is that you hated being asked to talk about what you really wanted to forget. That's a pretty normal response. It takes maturity to realize that even though it's not the most pleasant thing to go through, talking about what you're feeling and the emotions that you're experiencing can help you to move in with your life. I learned something a long time ago when I went through therapy: When I talked about the things that were haunting me from my past and allowed my Self to fully feel all the emotions attached to those things, those emotions eventually let ME go. I didn't let THEM go, they let ME go. I'm not going to sugar-coat what therapy was like; it was grueling. But it was also liberating and saved my life. Knowing that I was in a safe environment and that the abuse was no longer going, and that my abusers couldn't hurt me any more was a life-changing realization. You most definitely CAN find healing and begin to move forward in your life, but only YOU can make the decision to get the healing process started again. A healing process that requires you to make the commitment to your Self, a commitment that you're certainly worthy of. Please consider going back into therapy or some form of counselling. It's the most loving thing you can do for your Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 18, 2012
by: Rita M

Dear Undisclosed 125

had abuse.
The one saying I adopted was "I am no longer in the presence of my abusers."In the years saying this I had to think what it this really meant.
I am a rocoverd victom.I went through sever abuse
that could have been a homicide.In the years holding onto the pain was very difficult.
It is good to vocalize it to a point.AS I got older I made a decision to go for therapy.
There is a differnce in holing in inside and
going for therapy.I realized I was in a bondage
because I didn't go to a therapist and basically
imprisoned myself inside and in my home.Bondage
means that you are trapped in the memory of your
abuse.It controlls you and you're still the victom
because you hold it inside.Bitterness is one of the main things you hold and then you it to controll you.Depression often sets in.I remember
Starting therapy and letting my story being heard.
The long kept emotions started to release and I was heard believed and understood.I realized that
I had to make a decision of wether I want to continue therapy.It was free of charge unlimited.
I was told that everything was confidential unless
you are hurting yourself or in danger.Another rule was no alohol or drugs were not allowed.I had no problem there any ways but that is what the rules are.I felt safe an understood and heard.
It comes down to a decision of how we are goint to look after our selves.Denying yourself of help
could mean not looking after yourself and continuing therapy.Life has it's consiquences for
not following up.I'm not trying to push you into therapy but what I am saying is that those are the
straight clear facts.Confidence starts to develope
within yourself.Depression starts to weaken because you are weakening the grip of the abuse you have inside of you.You are setting yourself free.It takes time and is worth it.I also decided not to be in any realtionship because I needed to look after myself first and dump out all the hurts
because abuse has no value.It's not a treasure to hold inside and keep.I am sorry for whaat you endured and you didn't deserve that kind of abuse
from your father and grandfather.The threat of keeping it as a secret was said because they knew
it was wrong and that there could be jail terms here.After becoming stable you may stand a chance in court to charge them.It's not to late.That mey be a part of your healing.I hope the best for you.
Rita M

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Child Abuse Commentary.