Child Abuse: Questioning the System

by Name Undisclosed
(Texas, USA)

Why Doesn't The System Work Anymore???? 
I am married to a wonderful man that has a five-year-old son. Almost 2 years ago he received temporary custody of his son after he was removed by CPS from his mother's care. Basically, for neglect and living arrangements. She lives in a different state than we do. The judge then awarded him temporary custody and said that she would like to give him permanent custody but since he was paying child support in his home state that he would have to seek that there. We first went to court there about 3 months later.

The judge ordered that the child stay with us for the moment and each party get a home study done. Finally after about a year, the mother got a home study done. I thought more than anything the study was a waste of time. She got busted the first time for a trashed house and no food in the cabinets. However, they set up an appointment 3 weeks before they come out to do the study. Hello, anyone can clean up their house top to bottom in 3 weeks.

A few months later we went back to court to fight for custody. The judge gave the child back to his mother since he felt that she learned her lesson and cleaned up her house all nice and pretty. It didn't matter that she would not keep a job and did not have the means to take care of a child. She had told the judge in court that she was in the process of buying a house and was going to enroll him in public school.

My husband's son came down to stay with us this summer. He cried to me for 3 straight days before he had to go back. He begged and promised that he would be good if we didn't make him go back. What can you tell a five-year-old child when you have no control over the situation? He cried and worried almost to the point he made himself sick. He complained that he was getting beat up by her girlfriend's older kids in the household. He told me and other relatives that his mother's girlfriend had washed his mouth out with soap for not calling her "mother". He cried that he stayed hungry.

Now a few months later, my stepson is living in a hotel room with 6 other people. He is not enrolled in school. She states that she is home-schooling. But, I would be willing to bet that she has not filed anything with the state to do so. She will not tell my husband or any of her other family members where she is. It is a rare occasion that she even lets my husband talk to him on the phone. My husband has detected concern and worry in his son's voice the few times she has let him talk to him. He will not tell us what is wrong. We are not stupid. We know his mother is standing right beside the phone making sure he doesn't slip up. She knows that if she has a place to live or the children are enrolled in a public school she can be found or the school will report any signs of neglect.

We have contacted CPS in that state and the abuse hotline. They say there is not much they can do to check it out if they can't find her. For the love of Pete, those child support payments and welfare checks she is cashing have to be going somewhere.

We are trying to hire another lawyer.

Basically, since she won't tell anybody where she is, there is not a lot we can do. I guess we just have to wait around for something bad to happen before anybody will do anything, like before. Is it fair to this child that his life is being ruined because we have a system that doesn't care squat about what happens to him? He has a father and stepmother that love him very much. Two people that wouldn't be asking where their check was 5 days after getting custody of him back. Which is what his mother asked.

How can we have system so broken???????????????

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Comments for Child Abuse: Questioning the System

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 08, 2009
A VERY broken system...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

We live in a system that is more interested in the rights of one parent over that of a precious child who cannot protect himself. Such a travesty. My heart goes out to you and your husband during such a trying time. Keep believing that the resources you need are there; resources that will keep your stepson safe from harm. I send you, your husband and your stepson nothing but positive energy, and I thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 09, 2009
It is the same the world over
by: maurice

We have the same idiotic system here in Ireland evn around where I live now and where I lived throughout the country. I lived in UK, I lived in NZ There is one accessmnet procedure and though ancient it is still relevant for the powers to be to still use. I sure feel for where you and your husband is with his child. Darlene as always has given you positive thoughts and I like the way she puts it she send you her positive energy in the hope wrongs will be righted in your situation. Likewise keep hope alive the truth of the situation of the child mothers will be found out. Don't Quit. when you feel your at your lowest ebb then the only way back is up. Please don't highlighting the wrongness in it all. 2 different states will mean a longer process in sorting it all out. be patient the good always wins through.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Child Abuse Commentary.

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.

Most Recent

  1. Feel Extreme Guilt

    Apr 25, 17 08:19 AM

    I had been repressing the guilt of playing sexual games and forcing my cousin brother to tongue kissing with me. I am 24 now but keep remembering the same

    Read More

  2. Not To Blame

    Apr 18, 17 11:04 AM

    I was in my 10th standard and like every girl, I was very conscious of the weight problem. I used to go to my Music tuitions in the evening, and once I

    Read More

  3. Bad Dreams Surfacing

    Apr 13, 17 10:32 AM

    I am having a dream about my abusive stepfather where he wants my brother and me to change his soiled diaper. He started abusing me at the age of three

    Read More

Take the quiz

Fill out my online form.
HTML Forms powered by Wufoo.
E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life