Child Abuse: My Daughter is Remembering Abuse

by Connie
(Georgia, USA)

A few weeks ago my daughter's school had a seminar for the children on how to be safe and on sexual abuse. I have noticed that recently she has been very disrespectful to myself and other adults. She talks back and she doesn't seem like the daughter I know. I thought it was just the beginnings of her preteen years. Last night I sat her down and asked her what is going on. She then told me about her father and how she was exposed to pornography. Just some quick background. My daughter was adopted at 22 months of age. Just 5 months after the adoption I found out my husband had cheated on me the 8 years we had been together and videotaped it as well. I knew he had an addiction with pornography but he had promised me it would be well hidden from our daughter. When she was 7 I divorced him and moved out. We shared custody 50/50. A year ago I moved from California to Georgia. I just felt like I was not moving on with my life and I needed a change and so did my daughter. We have been very happy here. I had thought it kind of odd that she didn't express more wanting to see her father. I thought maybe if she did say she wanted to go to him she would think it was hurting me. She has seen him 3 times since we moved.


Here is what she told me. She told me that she found boxes of pornography under his desk and it really scared her to see the pictures she didn't understand. I know this is true because it sounds like him being complacent since she didn't live with him full time. She then told me that he that he would watch pornography when she was in the house and didn't know she had come into the room. The most damaging information though was she said she is remembering when she was just a toddler and he would touch her after her bath. I don't know if it's possible for a 10 year old to remember something when she was so young and for it to come out now. The only other incident she told me about was when her dad was in bed in the morning after I went to work and when she got up and went to his room he was watching something with naked people she didn't understand and he asked her to suck on his finger. It just sounds so odd that it could not have been made up.

I am going today to seek counseling and help. I was hoping that I could find a safe place to try to work this through so I can help my daughter get through this.

Thank you,
Connie




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Comments for Child Abuse: My Daughter is Remembering Abuse

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Mar 28, 2010
Connie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If you believe your ex has sexually abused your daughter, report it, and continue with the counselling.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 28, 2010
...
by: Anonymous

From Darlene: Anonymous, if you want to provide encouraging or helpful comments, that is perfectly acceptable, but I do not accept comments on this site that are accusatory, especially when someone has posted something about their personal experience. I ask that you refrain from leaving such posts.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 28, 2010
...
by: Anonymous

he is a nut

fact and worse she is going to be a women now
you said a wierdo
admitted it i feel strongly dont let her go there
you go back check on him with out her too
see what you find bring someone with you .

and then dont ever go back or her serioulsy
and delaware state police are doing intense things now around that subject
think about it was it child stuff

you didnt say that and if so anyway , understand what kind of people he gets stuff from or with who knows,

you cant fool around , serious,i would even change your name of where you live and just well she surely doesnt want to go back right

hope not and you dont let her based on what she told you period.

legally she can do what she wants but i hope its not going with him see him

my sons dont like their dad based on things not abuse but neglect, i cant imagine us being around someone that wierd, or my kids wanted to
seriuosly , she can have a boys club and girls club or mentor or other if she needs a dad that bad seems like you went to extreme lenth to accomodate him, all he did was make her,
doesnt seem a dad type and or care

if you cant prove it so be prepared to prove it
get evidence or he can sue. you cant sit on a fence , with this one, you have to decide take control and just move on, he is a nut he cheated and he is bad real bad

Mar 28, 2010
very hard but tough love advice for you, to and supervise him with her
by: Anonymous

he has to be supervised, he is sick
maybe alonon, they teach about addictions , someone sick , a desease, learn compassion but learn tough love too you need that tough love counseling the way you think, they have tough love cousenling all places, so you can get tough
all these agencies they cant fix this, adoptions and well police and cousneling and all really go so far , if he is sick then treat him like he is sick, would you send your daughter to visit a regular dad not a nut one , this type but any dad sick, no you wouldnt you would wait see if he got better right, he is still sick you know this what i would do is say i know you are still sick and all be polite and say when you are better let me know ect. hang up phone, get the tough love counseling for her and you or you
then allonon for her or other teach her do they have that , for sickeness that is why i said call delaware state police they are doing that now is he one of those child abusers then well
he is close to it , or could be he needs to look at that too himself , you could be even worse shape if he envolved , what kind of people , buy sell that stuff , ect. could get worse
just say ok he is still sick and say that to her dad is sick , you can not see him till he gets better , like he has the flu think like that
dont get her envolved in well scapegoat, police can handle him , or well again see why didnt you talk to police about that , the law . pervert stuff, if he is doing it again, he needs help if you tell me its kids well

call delaware they might help
someone like that needs treatement fact
or worse jail i dont think i can comment on this. i would have to know more of who it is the circumstances and supervision is the most important , to start , never alone there you might have to be the one bear that cross go there when visits, better get the tough love counseling hard to be around that you let her go
see thats not fair, to her,

deal with that without you, you are the one knows him the best , so you got to make the decision , i say supervise the visits only way
good for her and him face it and all or just say dad sick has a problem and like someon sick
you go there he cant take care of her alone on visit that type of thinking as a parent.

if she goes at all i honestly dont know why
sad for famiies but he is still sick




Apr 17, 2010
Good and true Mammy/Mother
by: maurice

I am going to get counselling, That wonderful Mom is great news I am certain even know Darlene loves you to bist for that statement alone. Do it, stay with it as long as you feel the benefit of it. Have your friends around you especially the 1 or 2 that realy you trust with you most intimate. women truly stand by each other. I hope you have a good relationship with your family; Your child is your golden gift, treasure her, love her, help her to really trust, encourage her to tell speak out her feelings to you. Love her, cherish her only children are special. I am one now for 63 years. I had a great single MOM. Her love for me is as strong now as if she was walking with me. R.I.P You are a good mother, great you got away from that sick minded man. He needs loads of help. If you know of his where-a-bouts then report him. You will be safeguarding many children/young girls from his depraved mind. Be brave, stay strong, live well, laugh alot, love much. I love you a good and true mother to that beautiful child of yours. Hug each other as often as is humanly possible telling each other we are here for each other NOW. I'm the best, I am special, To thine own self be true, Stay with counselling, sure when you wee one gets okd enough allow her to speak with a school counsellor. Keep her away from that depraved father of hers, I know it is her right but until she really understands his depraved mind don't let her near him. Stay safe yourself and she will be safe too.

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