Child Abuse - I'm NOT Too Old to Still Be Suffering

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I recently told my mother what her 3rd husband did (the emotional abuse and terrorizing), and she brushed if off, claiming she "didn't know." When I reminded her of the symptoms and how apparent they were when I was a teen- my drug use, truancy, attempted suicide, she never replied but instead booked herself a vacation at the spa.

Looking back, I have realized her denial of everything was and still is typical-- never happened, didn't know, didn't say it, didn't hear it, didn't mean it. You're too sensitive, you're crazy, you need to get over it.

My mother is an empty, jealous woman. Her husband's abuse exemplified her own feelings of envy and jealousy. She was and still is envious of her pretty, bright, creative, talented, intelligent daughter (me) so when her husband abused me, she turned a blind eye. She was complicit.

When she left him for another man, she denied I was her daughter for years, so her new scumbag boyfriend wouldn't realize her real age. (Something she still denies doing.)
Superficially, she may appear to be "nice" but deep down, she's not. I am 46 and NOT to old to be suffering from what she has always denied happened!

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse - I'm NOT Too Old to Still Be Suffering

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Aug 16, 2010
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The anger and hostility you feel for your mother is certainly understandable. What will happen as you move through your life is that that anger and hostility will eat YOU up; not punish your mother. I hope and want for you something more than that. Please consider some form of counseling in order to help you deal with this anger so that YOU can get peace in your life. Thank you for sharing your experience with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 16, 2010
she will never admit any fault
by: eileen howard fralick

It is very rare that a parent will ever admit she knew or had any part or fault in what happened to you. I wasted half my life trying to get my mother to admit she should have done something to stop my father, she made excuses, no where to go, no money, didn't know he was sexually abusing us, only thought he was to strict and a little violent when drunk, and that was all I was going to get until she was dying and I proved he had done this, as others came forward, but it was not worth what I got out of it, She still said she didn't know, she didn't think he would hurt his own girls that way, but she was sorry it happened. Wow, not worth waiting my hole life for her to take that little bit of part in it. Please realize, she is not well, and never will be, she is a narcesitic b****, and that will never change, I know she is your mom, and that is what makes it so hard, we love them and want them to love us back, she just can't put someone else first, and you have to much to offer the world to let her drag you down, stand tall, be proud of yourself, you don't need her, you have made it through some horrifying things and you can put her where she belongs, on a shelf. hating and waiting for her love is waste of all your beauty and love and talent. Please believe me, I wasted so much time, trying to get something I can never have. A normal family. I am my own normal family, and you can love people who deserve your love. Best of life to you, hang on to how good you have come out of this.


Please don't waste time on this woman.

Aug 18, 2010
Don't let her ruin you living of your life to the FULL
by: maurice

You'll get old suffering if you don't stop NOW: Darlene has offered you a real understanding for your Anger: You must begin to be loving of yourself: Stop wanting to change your mother: You have tried, and tried, but you can see for yourself you are getting no place with her: Your 45 NOW don't be still suffering at 55: Darlene has been very loving of you, understang what you been through and why you are so angry: She has put it all in very understanding way: Now it is up to you to make the differnece and act on what she believes the best way forward for you NOW.Yes a few counselling sessions would be a great beginning for you: You'll be fine once you stop living your mother's life: You are the most important person NOW; live our life to the full: Live well: Laugh alot: Love much beginning with yourself: You have allowed your mother's behaviour be in control NOW you take charge of your life and get on with it: Remember Darlene has given you the kick start you need now: with her loving words: Read them: I pray and wish you will love yourself enough to heed her words to you:

Aug 28, 2010
Too good to waste more time
by: Natalie

What your mother did or said to you has nothing to do with you. Her denial and abuse is rooted in her, and is about her, not you. It's very hard if not impossible to not take abuse personally. But once you realize you'll never get an explanation, an apology, or even validation, and accept that for what it is, you can start to see beyond the pain you hold onto because of it, and start to let the hurt go. If you're waiting for someone else to make it better, you might as well go out and nail jello to a tree while you wait. It's less frustrating.

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