Child Abuse Effects Even in Adulthood

by Trisha
(Racine WI)

I OFTEN SIT AND WONDER?? 
I often sit and wonder why was this the life i was given? I wish i was able to be a child when I was I child, except all i could dream of was being an adult so I could stand up for myself. I have been living my life as it never happened and thats what makes me go insane. Knowing if i would have told would i have saved some other little girl from going though what im going through. I was scared to tell I didnt think my family would believe me and i didnt want to ruin my aunt's family and cause problems between my mom and her sister. I hold some anger towards my mom for failing to see the signs and not paying attention. I guess who would have thought this would have happened to me 3 times by 3 different people and not including the time i was tounge kissed by a family member and had another family member rub my back and try to take off my bra while i was sleeping. Total up those people and their are 5 people out their that ruined my life. I thought about suicide but I was taught about religion at a young age and dont think the lord would take me to heaven if i did. I never asked for this life, it was given to me. Now I have 3 kids and i watch everything and often have to fight a battle with myself to try and tell myself their is normal people out here and not everyone is out to hurt em. I just never want to overlook something. My kids are my world and my job to them is to give them the best life i can and to protect them 100%. i dont think i could live with myself if something happened to them because to have to live with this stuff everyday is sicking and it never goes away when im with my husband when were getting intimate i have flash backs of what happened to me as a child. I dont think my mother belives me when I tell her what happened to me she kinda said it to me one day when we had an argument she threw it in my face and that ripped my heart right out of my body because all of this happend while i was younger i had no control and thats the exact reason i never told. Who was going to believe me? My dream is to move to Texas to leave this sick place behind I have no real family here I have my selected few but everyday waking up here is like hell to me. I hate this place and want to move my family away.





Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Effects Even in Adulthood

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Mar 18, 2011
Trisha:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The way we look at our lives, especially the Past, has an impact on the Present. If we choose to see purpose in what happened to us as abused children, then we can affect the Present moment in a positive way. What you endured as a child has made you a better mother to your children. Was it fair that you had to live it? Absolutely not. But fair or not, you DID live it. And what you do with it NOW is more important than what you did or didn't do as a child. You can't change or control how your mother is or how she reacts. The only thing you have control over is how you respond to what's happening in your life now. I learned a very long time ago that sometimes distancing oneself from one's family is a very healthy thing to do. But make no mistake, if you don't deal with the issues within yourself, no matter how far away you move from your family, you will still be right next to the unresolved issues. Please consider some form of counseling in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured, and the betrayal and abandonment of your mother both as a child and as an adult. You're worthy of that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 18, 2011
I know how u feel
by: Anonymous

Trisha we don't know why we would be allowed to go thru something so mighty as this in our lives,but if we wern't strong enough to get thru it,it would not have happened,and like Darlene said it did,my sister who was also hurt this way,told me to stop letting them hurt me over and over by reliving it i have forgiven them,even talk to one of them I am a better person the rage and shame hopelessness is over,you don't have to live there in that place anymore,you are free let yourself BE FREE,you have a wonderful life to live with YOUR family,also you know the signs you will be able to protect your kids from this.STOP beating yourself up,because now you are the only one that is holding you back,LET GO AND LIVE
love a friend

Mar 18, 2011
Trisha
by: GPM

What happened to you as a child will never be anything but tragic. Why your mother denies what happened only enhances the tragedy. But it doesn't have to ruin your life, for the rest of your life.

You have, by your own admission, three beautiful children who are actually beneficiaries of your misfortune. They now have a loving, caring, protective mother- who no doubt would give her life for them. Trish, it don't get no better than that. They are why you are still with us. You to them, is what you never had. What a gift.

As for the flashbacks when being intimate with their father- it said the sins of the father are not visited on the son. What some other man did to you is not your husbands burden, and it's not yours. You now have two gifts.

Now to what ifs. A what if is exactly what it is. It's a second guessing of one's inaction to what ultimately became a disastrous event- it only becomes a guilt trip on the road of anguish. There is no way you could know who might have be adversely affected by your "not telling". You are taking on a burden for something over which you had no control. Do not waste your life energy on "what if"- it is better needed on you and four others very close to you.

Mar 19, 2011
Always believe in your self: Get help: You'll be fine
by: maurice

The hidden effects that remain dorment but real within many who were abused as children/adolecent the most precious and special time in every human being life: Your innocence was taken away and ruined by those five people: You have found a site: Your written words were read By Darlene: They are truth she know well and she has given you a woman's heart who has turned her own pain abuse into empowering others: She sure knew what she was doing when she set up this safe haven site: You sure can Believe in yourself: You sure can live your life the full: You have real LOVE all arounds you NOW: Your three children will empower you to live your life to the full: Let go slowly but very surely: Hi Darlene gave you loads to ponder on in her affirming and empowering words: The one sure thing that will put all your abuse into perspective and allow you to move on is some form of counselling: I am certain a very high percent of Darlene's visitors who acted on her words to seek out some form of counselling are now living more productive lives: You'll be fine too: Live well: laugh alot: LOVE much: Be gentle and kind to yourself and your body: hug and cuddle love abck into it with nice soothing oils and creams, lotions era go on you'll feel really the better after you spoil yourself: I love me: I'm Special and I am WORTH it: I will: I can; I must: There is a full life to be lived after abuse: Go for it

Mar 21, 2011
what i mean
by: michelle f

I can look in the eyes of the person that hurt me ,now that i am a woman and say YOU WILL NEVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN,that is some kind of power,you know what they did,if you have a chance speak up to that person especially if they are a family member,maybe i am wrong but it has helped me to heal to know i have my power back over MY BODY,i know it hurts when people don't believe you especially if they are family members but you know what happened and they know what they did and that is between you and them,i just try to forgive them, for myself so it will stop eating at me,it will never go away it is part of my life but I refuse to let it control it anymore,i will be forty this years,i have been abused long enough i refuse to live in that place anylongerI pray you find your way out too,for your peace and for your family

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