Child Abuse Can Never Be Right

by Maurice

Being abused as a child/teenager/adolescent can never (ever) be right or justified in anyway: 
I quickly read Tabi's story of 18 years, emotionally effected. That is and has been the awesome effect being abused has had on thousands, still, many out there who yet suffer secretly because of it. I myself included, even though I been one of the blessed and lucky one's, thank God for a site like Darlene's. So personal yet so anonymous, as we are all beautiful human beings (family) in the telling of our stories in a safe confidential place because of the anonymity of it. Here am I in a corner of my world here in Ireland, having a conversation with you my fellow, feeling the same hurt and pain because of being abused. One can never lump similar types of abuse together, as each one's pain is personal and real.

When I first came across Darlene's site, I found it a safe haven for me to relate my story, which I did in the comfort of my own private room, space. Ever so relaxed in the telling of it. Since reading a number of your stories, I feel good in myself, knowing I am in safe company. Being supported and encourage to live my life to the full by people who know what I am relating to them is all about for them and me.

I tried to justify my Abuser for years. I was emotionally drained from time to time in my doing of that. I put myself through a lot of pain doing so. I was 33 years before I told my story to a professional person, who was a great listener. While He did not tell me I was abused, I imagine now he wanted me to admit to myself I was. Now much relieved after years of living with it and having listened to and now read your stories of being abused, I would regard my form very mild/gentle comparing if one should to your story. Being beaten on my bare bottom routinely a number of times in the week by my "Dean of Discipline", which was his roll in the school and my supposedly trusted Guardian. My mam entrusted me to the school's care because I was visually impaired at the time. I was miles away from my mam and my home. I justified it for years, because when I said it to anyone, their answer would be, "Sure, that was the done thing in most families and schools at the time." So I accepted my lot as so. A very close friend said to me for the first time almost thirty years ago, "Even though you are a man you would want to start liking and loving yourself and your body more." I have built on her words ever since. Now I value saying that to each person I journey with and through my work as a social carer of people. It was the best advice I ever received. Here I pass it onto you. You have to make a sense of it for yourself with help of your loyal and trusted family/friends.

For some reason or another I am sharing my abuse story as being mild compared to the ones I have listened to and now read on Darlene's site. Horrific all of them to the individual they happened to. My abuser used a controlled method of beating/spanking my bare bottom. At any given beating, he would never give more than six of the best. Thinking back now, it could be 12--18--24 and more, depending on the times he told me to go to his office or bedroom before bedtime in my pajamas. As I say, I just accepted my punishment. Every so often he would say before ordering me to bend over, "This hurts me than it hurts you." I never knew what he meant by that. There were over 60 boys from 11 years to 18; his sick depraved need was well satisfied. My abuse was premeditated by this brute.

Sadly, innocent children were abused in what they regarded as the safest of places: their homes and their beds. I still cringe when I see innocent children and ask myself, How could anyone abuse that? I don't have nieces or nephews, but my two best friends had three beautiful children, girls. For me to vent my anger or my feelings, I said to them when their girls were 5-8-10 that if anyone touched or did anything to them that I would personally knife them. These children are now married, one rearing her own beautiful two. Oh when our innocence is taken away as children, when we don't or do have a say and are not listened to, then the abuser is never (EVER) justified in what they've done to us. Thank you, Darlene.

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Comments for Child Abuse Can Never Be Right

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Mar 28, 2009
I agree...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As long as society continues to accept that children should be struck in the name of correction, we put those very children at risk for further abuse, such as what you suffered at the hands and that perverted "Dean of Discipline" and that neighbour you discussed in your original post (see Maurice's story). As long as we as a society condone striking a child in the name of correction, we tell that child s/he does not have any say over their own bodies; and further risk other forms of abuse later in their young lives. As long as we continue to approve corporal punishment as an acceptable form of discipline, we will continue to change who our children really are as people. I have always found it interesting that we have laws against an adult striking another adult (someone who can defend themselves), yet we not only approve of striking a helpless small child in the name of correction, we actually applaud such appalling behaviour. Yes, what happened to you was perfectly acceptable when you were growing up, Maurice, but nonetheless, what you endured had severe repercussions on you as a human being; and that has carried well into your adult years. Society as a whole must learn lessons from such things. You HAVE learned lessons from such things; and I commend you for being so vocal about those lessons learned.

Maurice, thank YOU for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me, and for providing your thoughts on this pervasive issue of child abuse.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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