Child Abuse and When Unwanted Haircuts Become Torture

by Anonymous

An visitor's opinion: 
I'm going to do the commentary that describes the haircut torture my awful parents inflicted just because they could and also because it was yet another way they could make me squirm all they liked. Why are so many parents so antagonistic to their children? Do you get haircuts you don't like? Well, why should your child? With so much other choices available, why turn something nice, pleasant and simple, such as getting haircuts when necessary, into yet another nasty punishment? How damaging it is for kids who can't even count on getting their grooming needs met! Imagine when you wake up with your bad hair day; what would you think of your parents if they insisted on only choosing the haircut that you hate and, if you didn't get one to their satisfaction, then decided to reschedule and then dragged you into the hair salon to get your hair cut the next day. That's just plain meanness -- if you really hated something when it's new, you're not going to like it when you get the same haircut again. But that's not the point, right? The point is to make children understand that they have no rights, that no one cares about them, that their hair is NOT their own, that their parents don't have any qualms in hurting them and that there's nothing they can do about it. Sick, sick, SICK!!!

When I was 16 or 17 years old, my parents tried forcing me to cut all my hair off; I did not want to cut any of my hair off; I wanted to keep it long and maintain it that way and I did not understand why I had to cut it off, just because I "wasn't behaving myself"; every time I refused, they would often hurt me. A few months later, they dragged me into a hair salon, where they made my mom's hairdresser cut most of my hair off. Later, when were were already going home after that (Nightmare! My beautiful hair was short now and I was horribly crestfallen), my parents said, "We hope your schoolmates laugh their a**es off when you come back to school because, next time, you should think before asking us for something!" I had hair extensions and while my dad hated me wearing them, I wore them to school anyway because I was ashamed of my short haircut. I never forgave them for taking advantage of me being young and helpless to get away with the abuse that would've most likely landed them into prison for a long time if they would've tried it with an adult, so what is your motivation of being cruel to the powerless, other than simply enjoying having the power of being as cruel as you like and get away with it like my parents always did? Just think about it next time you were about to have another hair-related battle with a child who doesn't happen to like haircuts or when you decided to force the child to obediently comply without question just by hurting that child.

That's a shame that most people think that children are somehow obligated to "forgive" their parents (no matter how abusive they are to the kids), "forget" and "understand" -- and then inflict the same abuse on their own children. I know for sure that not all children grow up willing to sugarcoat or simply excuse such clear, hateful abuse. Are you willing to risk lifelong estrangement from your children, just for the thrills of being cruel? Is being cruel that important to you? Food for thought.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse and When Unwanted Haircuts Become Torture

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Dec 13, 2012
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've made some very broad statements here, some of which I don't necessarily agree with, at least not all the time. The fact is, an abusive parent can find a way to make even the most seemingly innocent things abusive in some way, particularly on an emotional level. Making a child get their haircut in a way that the child doesn't like is not in and of itself child abuse. It's a matter of degree and how it's handled. I found it interesting that my own mother said almost word for word what your parent did when my mother practically scalped me when I was a little girl. But I digress. In my experience, to say that "most people" expect that a child to forgive, forget and understand is to paint a very broad brush stroke. While there are people who do think this way, not all of them do. But what's most important is the way the child eventually grows up and how they live their lives. We can't live in a way that makes others happy; we must make our Selves happy. But happy is a state of being, not something we find. A word or two about forgiveness: forgiveness is about doesn't say that what was done to you was okay. Not at all. It wasn't okay. What it says is that I will no longer be a prisoner to the abuse inflicted. I will no longer be held hostage to the anger and hostility these thoughts and memories brings. Understanding comes with maturity and living through some of the ages and stages of adulthood. But first, one must deal with the pain of the mistreatment. Then understanding can lead to forgiveness, which in turn leads to freedom. But it is ultimately the choice of the child, because whether or not that child (now an adult) wants to live free from anger and hostility is a choice. It's a choice all of us who were abused must make. I hope for your sake that you make that choice, Anonymous. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 13, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To all my visitors to this thread who have received notification that new comments are here, I've deleted 4 separate comments from this particular commenter who leaves posts that are judgmental and wholly inappropriate. I cannot block her, but I'll continue to delete her comments before they ever go live on the site.

Dec 03, 2014
Difficult mothers
by: Anonymous

My case is not so severe as yours. However, thanks to my mother, I now have a phobia cutting my hair. I hate cutting my hair, even a 1cm trim and I always feel my hair is too short. When I was very young, my mother made me cut my hair below the armpits even though I wanted hip length hair. When I was 9, I had lice and my mother made me cut my hair to the shoulders. I cried; I hated it, never had short hair since. From then on, I have had waist to hip length hair ever since. My mother no longer had a say in how I have my hair though it is still a contentious between us.
Most people do expect you to forgive your parents and think your parents can do no wrong to you, especially in Asia. I have never forgiven my mother, I will never forget and I will never understand how a mother could do that to her own daughter.

Feb 18, 2015
I hear you
by: The Man Who Sold The World

I'm an 18 year old guy and My parents have been making me cut my hair since I was 16. I like my hair about to my shoulders.. Ever since I showed a weakness, showed that I liked my hair, my parents use my hair against me if I get bad grades. Actually,not even bad ones. I had 3 C's..I have a really bad self esteem/self image problem...and my hair helps my confidence..I feel attractive. I have told my parents that, and they just say "you should have got better grades" I feel ugly every day. I feel sad. I'm 18 and they still do that to me..

Feb 19, 2017
Child abuse
by: Anonymous

well. im kinda in the same situation as in today. came from Africa to America to live with my dad(he is African). lived with my dad for a year. got tired of me,decided to get rid of me. and took me to my new found uncle(also african) in ohio. till then I've been forced to do stuff. and this is how africans raise their kids once they tell you to do stuff u better do it and no talking back. if u talk back u get smacked on the face or get wooped with a stick,wire,belt e.t.c so since then my uncle have been tellin me to do stuff which normal americans would talk back. but for my situations I've been doing it without showing anger. i do what am told. everytime i try to say something he tells me you do what i tell you. and i get mad deep inside and release my anger when i go to bed. think of it then cry till i sleep. so today he said that he is gonna cut my hair. the hair wich I've been keeping for 3 months now. promised my school friends that i would grow an afro. and now seeing that promise will soon go away since my hair is gonna get cut. and go back to school and people will see me as a liar. it really hurts to think about it. cant tell anyone im forced to do stuff. my relationship with my family is so bad. even my real dad got tired of me and sent me to this uncle which in a way is worse than my dad. im so sad of gettin forced to do stuff. im f**king 17 still getting forced to take a shower every day. i hate my life that now I've decided to share this with everyone maybe there's some one who will care.

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