Child Abuse - A Mother's Denial

by MeMe

For Spite or Selfishness? 
My 29 yr. old daughter has had much problem 'keeping a man' in her life. For the most part, she has a nasty, short-tempered attitude, yet she blames me for her shortcomings. Trust me, I have bent over backwards, and then some, for her, all of her life. She grew up without her father; she acknowledges that resents me for that. A year ago, she being a bartender, she met a (lying, cheating) married man on one of her barstools and proceeded to move him immediately into her home with her child, my 3 yr. old granddaughter. He constantly cheated on my daughter with his wife & also tried to seduce my daughter's friend, at a house-party, at my daughter's home. He moved in & out twice in a 7 month period, once by her decision, once by his. Within the very first 2 months, the child was bed-wetting, touching herself with tubby-toys & crying when she had to go home with Mom & boyfriend. My daughter allowed him to babysit her child within the first 2 months of even knowing him. (She told me "he wanted to"; Holy Nelly!) At the end of the 5th month of his living there, my granddaughter, then age 3 and a half, told me of 'sex-play' (grooming) with him; she was also intrigued with the word 'sex'. When I nervously told my daughter of this, she became enraged, telling me that "if I got Child Protective Services involved, I'd never see (the child) again". She then said "he couldn't possibly do anything to hurt her, he loves her and she loves him". (Holy Nelly!) She then said "she needs a father-figure". She then said "Mom, she's 3, all 3 year olds make up stories". She then said "she's a brat when she's around you". She then said that I "made it all up (because she insists I hate men)". My daughter proceeded to manipulate her daughter into saying nothing more to a CPS interviewer than "I love (boyfriend), he's nice to me"; 'he don't hurt me". Case Closed/Unfounded! Holy Nelly again! My grandbaby just turned 4; I have only seen her for 20 minutes in the last 6 months. At that point, she was underweight & her eyes were extremely sunken; I worry every second about her in that type of situation. We are in Family Court, a very slow process; I'm seeking Visitation, my daughter is seeking an Order of Protection against me. I promised my grandbaby I'd help her; all I did was hand her back to the wolves. Someone help me!

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse - A Mother's Denial

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Jun 19, 2010
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can only offer you space to vent here, along with encouragement to keep working in the best interest of your grandchild. Certainly there are red flags all over. Perhaps one of my visitors can offer something more concrete to your situation. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 19, 2010
Communications Failed
by: MeMe Cathy

Thank You so much for providing this website. I shall love to read your book! I am currently writing one, as well. I was told by a Detective and 3 Lawyers, including my granddaughter's Law Guardian, that Child Protective Services are GOD, basically. I was intimidated by that FOR SO LONG! I have since confronted them with inadequate investigation tactics, perhaps getting my grandbaby's unfounded case re-opened. My daughter covered for her new boyfriend, bottom line. Wish my 4 year old granddaughter LUCK! MeMe Cathy

Jun 21, 2010
A Mother's Denial
by: Mrs.R.

Hallo Meme, So very sorry to here your story, I can't imagine what you must be going through. It must be so frustrating for you.
It sounds to me like your daughter now resents you, some and I say that again "some" mothers feel that they cannot cope with out a man and will ignore what is happening in the household just to keep him. From your letter this seems to be the case. You have reported what you believe but unless the Agency involves does not visually see what you are saying their hands are tied.
I think you can only wait and see what develops because your daughter does not want you in her life, her man is everything to her so she thinks.
May be standing back and give them a little space might encourage your daughter to calm down herself and maybe you and she could become friends again, at least that way you stand some chance of possibly seeing your grand daughter again.
Obviously how you are reacting right now is putting up a barrier between you and her.
That is all that I can suggest, I wish you luck and pray that your grand daughter is alright.

Jun 21, 2010
This website is a healing power for most who visit it:
by: maurice

MeMe Cathy thank you for letting Darlene be aware the value of her vision in setting up her website: Since I found it I gave been empowered in my healing from abuse by her personal comment to each visitor: She is a true and remarkable relationship lady: Even with her words of love and encouragement through her site: To a Mother in Denial: You her mother and the Grand-Mother to her child I pray and hope will succeed in helping your Daughter to accept her responsibility for her beautiful child: You must let people know your loving motherly feelings for both: Maybe a teacher in the childs school would notice the childs behaviour and indifferenc at school: her neglect at home: Or there is a school nurse or counsellor: Sadly and wrongly for you to be believed you must have proof for the Authorities: Keep trying to communicate your real concern to your Daughter but don't over do it or she might completely close up on you: You are a good voice for both: I hope that beast will be taken away from them both: Darlene has given you some hope of what to keep doing: If you don't succeed at first or 10th time: TRY, TRY again and you will be the winner:

Aug 28, 2010
to a mother in denial
by: Anonymous

To a mother in denial,
You absolutly can not give up on that poor child, that is so terrible that this has happened. As an early childhood teacher in training myself I believe that children have rights, your grandaughter is probably scared to say anything to the mother and is why she has come to you. You need to get proof that this is happening some how. maybe talk to the school to see if anything has changed about your grandaughter, has she become withdrawn, changes in attitude, behaviour, learning patterns changed etc... and if you have noticed physical changes in her then surely the school has too. Please dont leave this to go on. I can see your frustrations with everything but you must fight for the rights and protection of your grandaughter.

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