Can I disclose what my friend's dad did to me anonymously?

by Maddy

I have recently posted a story on this website (Child Abuse Story From Maddison) and have a few questions.

I want to report my friend's dad, but I want to know if I can do it anonymously, (and if it will show up on the phone bill). You said that it was likely that my friend was also being abused by the dad, but I'm pretty sure she's not because she loves to be around him and he is her favorite parent. I just know in my gut he isn't abusing her. My friend also has a lot of other friends over who are very comfortable with her dad, everyone is. So I don't think he is abusing anyone else. I think he just had an urge. I just know he isn't abusing anyone else. I never remember him ever being abusive. He just liked to hang out with his daughter. Although in the past he was strange (like tickling us till we cried) I just know he isn't abusing anyone.

And even if I did report him, they couldn't prove anything because there were no witnesses or any evidence. So I don't know what good it would do, except ruin his and his family's lives. I just know in my gut he isn't abusing his daughter. And it was hardly anything (as I said in my story).

I know this isn't a story, but I had no other way of getting this to you because I don't have an email. But please answer!

Note from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "Can I disclose what my friend's dad did to me anonymously?" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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Comments for Can I disclose what my friend's dad did to me anonymously?

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Jun 30, 2008
What he did to you WAS A BIG DEAL...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Maddison, anyone but the victim can make an anonymous report. The person who was abused cannot report anonymously, because the person who was abused has to be interviewed by a case worker. Without you, there is no report.

I understand your concerns. I understand why it is that you are rationalizing all of this. You think he had "an urge..." Maddison, responsible adult men DO NOT act on urges with their daughters' adolescent friend. CHILD MOLESTERS act on such "urges" with children and adolescents.

You said in the past he tickled you till you cried; you said his daughter's friends are comfortable around him...he could be "grooming" them. He could be setting them, or some of them, up for abuse. He got away with molesting you; it is highly likely he will get away with molesting someone else.

As for "knowing" that your friend is not being abused, you don't know what you don't know. Maddison, there is a dynamic present between a molester and a victim, particularly when the two are blood related. It is every bit as likely that your friend would show extreme affection toward her molester as she would fear or apprehension. Neither you nor I know for sure if this man is molesting anyone else, but we both know he molested YOU. And YOU are the one who needs the help here.

I can't force you to make a report. I can't talk you into making a report. All I can tell you is that you should read some of the stories on this site, especially the stories written by adult women who wish with all their hearts that they could go back in time to act upon and/or report what happened to them, and possibly change the fact that their molesters went on to molest others. I'll be posting another one of those stories within a couple of days.

Maddison, I can't be the ongoing support you need. Please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to one of the counsellors on staff there. Your call to them IS anonymous. They will listen to you and help you with your options.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jan 04, 2010
speak up
by: Anonymous

You have no way of knowing or proving that he is not abusing her. Its hard for me to believe that your friend did not see him touching you while he was right in front of her. Do you think its possible she pretended not to see becuase she is afraid of him just like you are, and so she suggested going on the computer to help you get away from that? Comparitively the abuse she is potentially experiencing is even worse than what happened to you becuase it is her own father and she is alone with him much more?

Child molesters don't really discriminate between victims. They are opportunistic and take advantage of the people that they believe they can when they can. They exploit loyalty, trust, and every emotion.

Pressing charges does ont automatically ruin a criminals life or hurt his reputation at all. Presing charges and going to court is a lot of hard work. What you expect to happen is significant because it needs to be realistic.

What I suggest is speaking to your mom, and speaking to her friends mother, and reporting him to CPS and the police. If you report him and never associate with him again you will probably have few problems with him and not live in fear anymore. A draw back is that if he is not dealt with like an abuser, your friend could suffer some consequences. On the other hand if she sees that you are brave enough to stand up to him, she will probably do it too.

Oct 11, 2010
you have to repot it or tell your mom or dad or family members
by: Anonymous

Unfortunately when a man molest a child he does not only molest that one child. Everyone thinks when they get molested that the molester is only molesting them in reality when a molester molest one child he does not get satisfy. they need to molest grows. my ex-husband was molested when he was younger and everyone keep it under raps by the time the story came out it was found that his uncle had molested almost every child in the home.

Unfortunate he too became a molester when he got older and molested two of his own daughters and many more. sometimes the cycle does not end and molestation continues we have to start talking and reveling this pervert so that their victims do not continue to grow. My molester was [name removed due to legalities] and up to know the need for me to let other know that he is has molested in the past has been burning in my guts I always wonder he he still molesting I don't know cause he is no longer a part of my life and I pray that God keep what ever children come in contact with him safe Last I heard He was dating a woman that runs a Access tv show and she has a son an a daughter I hope she is keeping her daughter far away from that man. So like I said You have to tell cause they do not stop I hope I'm wrong cause I hope my children don't learn one day that they father has been put in jail for molestation.

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