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Are these long-term effects of sexual abuse for male survivors?

by John C.
(Smithtown, New York, USA)

I have very fractured memories of child sexual abuse and torture from when I was four, lasting about a year. Now I'm middle-aged and I see that my siblings have all gotten married, some have had children, but I have never been able to be intimate with anyone--ever. I can be friends, but any touching terrifies me--for my whole life. My siblings experienced physical beatings at the same childcare facility but they were a few years older and they said they weren't sexually abused.


Are my troubles related to the early childhood sexual abuse? For example, I had to be excused from gym classes a long time ago in high school because I was terrified of being naked in the showers with people. Even up to a few years ago I began acting out child abuse, talking about it to my students. I even acted out anal rape (as a teacher talking about it) and was fired for this. I don't remember much of that episode. Do you think all of this is related to child sexual abuse, the torture when I was four?

John C.M.

Note from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "Are these long-term effects of sexual abuse for male survivors?" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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