Abused and Child Abuser

by Gary
(North Carolina, USA)

I was five or six when I was sexually abused by both an older brother and older sister, and on more than one occasion. Usually, both of them abused me at the same time, although I do remember one time my sister abused me by herself. At that time, I did not know what incest was, or what sexual abuse was. I just knew that this was wrong, but in that they were older and stronger (and that I was outnumbered two to one), I was unable to prevent it. Later in life, I also learned that these two siblings had sex with each other as teenagers, thus the reason that I have included a reference to incest in this story--my story.

Perhaps in the faulty view of a child, I reasoned that sex must be a way of showing "love" and "affection" to another family member, since these were my own siblings, and therefore, presumably they loved me, and this was how they were demonstrating their love for me.

I did not know that research has shown that some who are abused--not all, mind you--become abusers themselves. And that is what happened to me.

Perhaps because of the abuse, I was "sexualized" at an early age--I knew way more about sex than a six year old should (although much of what I knew or thought I knew was wrong in the sense of wrong relationships or wrong "timing" in that a six-year-old shouldn't have forcible sexual experiences). I obsessed about sex, and carried this sexual obsession into my teen years and then into my adult life.

I got married and figured my sexual problems were now a thing of the past since, with a wife, I would have a proper "outlet" for sex. Was I ever wrong. Then we had a child, a daughter. As my wife and I began having more and more problems--work, finances, and even communication/relationship problems, I gravitated more and more toward my daughter, perhaps because she was easier to manipulate/control than my wife.

To make a long story short, I crossed that line of taboo and started sexually abusing my daughter, continuing that pattern of incest I had learned in my upbringing. One day, however, she worked up the courage to tell someone (and I say, "Good for her!").

Soon after, I was arrested. I had gone from being the one abused to being the abuser.

I hope this story can help someone, somehow.

I personally have found help for my situation through a 12-step program for sex addiction. A 12-step program may not be for everyone, but it is helping me.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Abused and Child Abuser

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Aug 14, 2010
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your story graphically expressess what often happens as a result of child sexual abuse. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I'm delighted to read that you have been helped by a 12-step program. I do wonder what kind of help your daughter has received. As a child you had no choice; as an adult, you did, but your daughter did not. And while statistics show that the overwhelming majority of sexual abusers have themselves been sexually abused as children, I cannot be strong enough in emphasizing that your daughter's safety, physically and emotionally, rests in you staying away from her. That may also go with other young girls. I do hope you keep getting the help you need, and that you stay with that 12-step program.

To my other visitors: While you may feel enraged and possibly even outraged by the particulars of this story, I ask that you resist the urge to lash out here. By all means, express yourself and be honest. I just ask that you be respectful in the way that you do so. The integrity of this site depends on that. I thank you for your understanding.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 14, 2010
The truth will set one free: honest acceptance of it>
by: maurice

Thanks Darlene: ''WOW'' what an honest in truth relating one's story: You sure are brave and your story will benefit others: Darlene, comment back to you said in total honesty to you will help many. She has truthfully expressed her real concern, that being your daughter: I really and trually believe she is a remarkable woman of God and the Universe: Incest, the taboo of family life. Sadly I have known many families where it took place in all innocence because of big fmilies and lack of space: Yet many Parents were not aware of what was going on between siblings of different ages and those of puberty years. Great now you have found the 12 steps to help you: stick with the programme: Thank you Darlene for your extra inclusion: yes it would be easy: but then you knew you were sharing it with understanding empatising people who were abused: each individual story pains me it is so close to the bone: Child abusers have alot to answer for: Thankfully through your site you give the many visitors/sufferers a platform to tell: That Darlene is real brave of you: You allow the truth to be told with all the reality of the graphic's Thank you: We empatise, trust, and respect each beautiful person's pain in the telling:

Aug 15, 2010
you always have a choice
by: michelle5

Yes I,m sorry you got abused as a child you could,nt do anything about it then, but as an adult you could have. You knew it was,nt right but done it any way, You have the choice to become a better person, and not to carry abuse on. Infact knowing what you felt like when you was achild is even more reason for protecting your daughter, not betraying her trust in the worst way possiable. I was sexuly abused as a child and would never dream of hurting my 2 children. While I,m glad your getting help if I was your daugter even if or when she,s old enough to make her own choice I would never come near you again. Plus You should never be alone with any children ever again, and I really hope your daughters got all the help she needs cause this will affect her life for good. I,m sorry if this sounds harsh it just makes me sick that people can do this and blame it on what they went through as children your daughter was inicent it was,nt her thought and is,nt her thought god bless her.

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