Abuse in Question

by Anonymous
(United States )

I struggle with my body image even though I'm only thirteen. I see the girls at school with their thin legs and flat stomachs and I wonder, why can't I be skinny? Why am I so fat? The abuse I get from my mom and dad don't help either. "You're too fat, you worthless piece of horse sh*t, disgusting stupid pig." these are the names my mom and dad call me. I can't remember the last time they called me pretty or beautiful, or even anything nice about my body as a matter of fact. My mother says I used to be so pretty and cute when I was little. Used to be.

Besides the name calling, they turn conversations into fights and are always comparing me to other kids, "Why aren't you so perfect? Why don't you play basketball? Why are you so ugly?" I don't understand why they can't accept me for who I am and love me. They call me disgustingly overweight and because of this I fall into depression frequently. I have done self-harm but have recovered from that although I do have some scars.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. A very unreal statement. If anything, emotional abuse is one of the worst types of abuse which, as you've read is what I suffer through.

I also endure very physically abusive beatings one recently of which I got a swollen eye and a bruised hip for. One of my eyes also had a small bruise on it. When I was asked about it I just said I was tired and also walked into a wall while playing a blindfolded game.

On the outside my parents try to make us seem like a normal family, which we are very well at. I have clothes, a phone and food. On the outside. Inside my parents starve me and take away my phone. That is why I prefer to stay home alone when they are at work.

After my last beating over a simple 5 minutes of piano, I have been in a downfall mood and been crying myself to sleep lately. In school, I have friends and am on the ledge of the cliff of popularity. But I have been getting lower and lower grades despite the years of my mother yelling at me and writing down difficult curriculic questions and problems for me to do. The path of life is difficult and problematic but we have to deal with it.

I know that when I grow up I will be nothing like my parents and the abuse they give me to my own children, that is if I make it that far. I realize that my parents do care about my siblings and I but if they really want to show it they should do it with love and not with their demented form of discipline. I will love my kids and praise them for how unique they are, unlike my parents who look down on uniqueness and only on their narcissistic selves.

Now, I realize that I'm young but it's still a very real story with real pain endured. Abuse can be given at any age from 0 to 100, from human to animal or from race to gender. And just because you can't see the proof of abuse does not mean it is not there. That doesn't mean you can skip to conclusions though. (If they say they're tired they might actually be tired) which is not all situations once again.

If you or a friend is being abused try to find help with a school counselor or good friend, try to find help and always know the signs of abuse.

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Comments for Abuse in Question

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Feb 03, 2016
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are absolutely right about the toll that emotional abuse takes. Emotional abuse leaves the deepest and longest lasting scars. Especially when that abuse comes from the very people who are responsible for your safety and well-being.

When I was an adolescent, when my father sat beside me on the couch or if he was close enough at the kitchen table, whenever we had company over, he would slap my thigh really hard and make fun of my weight. He'd call me fat and worse, then laugh at me. To shame me into losing weight, he told me. I couldn't understand where he ever got the impression that shaming me in front of people would have the desired affect. Instead, he humiliated me. At the time I thought the people who witnessed these actions of my father were judging me even more than my father was, more than I was judging myself. I felt as though I was worthless. Not enough, but too much at the same time. Later, when I was about 75 pounds overweight, he would apologize to anyone he introduced me to, as though he was introducing me as some terrible person who had wronged. His earlier actions had the opposite affect, and the "apologies" only made things worse for me. Years later, I confronted him. At first he laughed it off and told me I was overreacting. But I stood my ground and let him know that what he did was wrong and that his misguided attempts at getting me to lose weight had really serious consequences for me. And when I shared with him all the unhealthy choices I made for myself because I was looking for approval, he still didn't understand. The only time he considered that he might have been wrong was when I'd lost over 150 pounds in a way that was very damaging to my body.

Anonymous, we have similar, but also different abuse stories. I want you to know that you CAN recover from what you're going through right now. I also want you to know that one of the most important things I learned as I walked my own healing path is that what others think of me is not who I really am. And if I choose (yes, choose) to allow what others say about me affect what I think about my Self, then I've given up my power. No matter who it is who is doing the telling, even your parents, don't believe the lie. And it IS a lie they are telling you, directly and indirectly. You HAVE to tell your Self something different.

I know only too well that it is much easier said than done to not let others dictate how you feel about your Self. But if there is one thing I've learned about the youth of today is that you guys are SO MUCH MORE ON THE BALL than my generation was. I was smart. But your generation is even smarter. And that tells me you have it in you to heal from this. To take what is happening to you in your life and turn it around. Turn it into something positive. For you AND for others.

You are stronger than you give your Self credit for. Reach out for help when you need it. Follow your own advice. It's really good advice. You deserve dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your SELF with that dignity and respect and love. It'll go a long way. Believe me.

I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 20, 2016
Be Proud
by: Shane

Take pride in the fact that you aren't and never will be like your parents; you are brave and of admirable character and this is something that they will never have. You have no reason to be ashamed of yourself. To say those things about you and do that to you highlights their insecurity and cowardice.

From reading your story I see many positive things about you without even knowing you; you are obviously very bright and articulate, and aware. These are the things that matter and will take you far in life, but I am sure that there are beautiful things about you on the outside as well as in. I know this without seeing you. Everyone is unique.

Kind regards and keep your thoughts positive.

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