by Name Undisclosed
Hi Darlene: asking you to update your pages on Sexual Abuse - specifically "Female Victims" and "Male Victims":
I'm a survivor of female perpetrated abuse: physical, emotional, psychological and sexual. My mother was (is) a sadistic psychopath, and used whatever worked best for her in any particular situation.
As a survivor of extreme female perpetrated violence I can attest to the truth of what you wrote on one of your sexual abuse pages - that it isn't taken seriously. Severe abuse by women - particularly if the subject of female perpetrated sexual abuse comes up - is always followed by even more (sometimes worse) abuse by the 'helping' professions who refuse (REFUSE!) to acknowledge this, and therefore provide no 'services' other than shaming and rejection.
So I'd like to point out a discrepancy on your site: even though you mention female abusers on your Offenders pages (and thank you for that!), your 'Survivors' pages - as is tragically typical - only refer to survivors of male abuse. There is zero mention of female perpetrated abuse for either male or female survivors, and no mention of the signs and symptoms of female perpetrated abuse - which can often be very different since females frequently offend against much younger (frequently preverbal) victims, and in very different settings (and for far longer) than male abusers.
I found your site while googling to try to find ANY reference online that would help explain the kind of symptoms I struggle with into my 50s. Reading articles from crime writers and articles about female sex offenders gives me some clues to help me explain my symptoms (such as fear of getting dressed, fear of bathing). However, none of the sites written (by default even though that is rarely named) only for survivors of male perpetrated abuse provide any information that is helpful to me.
So I hope you'll consider updating your pages to include this information. Now that I've recently started 'coming out'* as a survivor of female perpetrated sexual abuse I'm astounded (understatement) at the number and type of disclosures I'm hearing from others. And always by female perpetrators acting alone - despite all the 'statistics' to the contrary. The only reason everyone "knows" that most abusers are male is because there are those with hidden agendas who actively discourage and discriminate against (and silence) both female and male *survivors* of female abuse, and constantly and continuously remove them from the public record, and other people who are well-meaning but uninformed, who then repeat the untruthful 'truths' they've been taught.
*BTW, "coming out" for a survivor of female perpetrated sexual abuse - at least in my experience - means that you are automatically challenged and ridiculed - rarely will you get empathy let alone sympathy. Forget healing - you can NEVER get past the automatic debate that ensues where you are required to put aside your pain and explain (over and over) that your cause is valid and deserving of support - on any level. At the end, if you're able to sustain the conversation through your stifled and stuffed pain, you *may* get a grudging admission that "even though the incidence of female perpetrated abuse is so low as to be insignificant ..." (their words, not mine, and I'm sure you can appreciate how helpful this is for a survivor of torture to hear them) " ... I guess you're deserving of... something." But in my years of experience that is as far as the conversation ever goes. It NEVER gets to the point that you actually get EITHER sympathy or support.
Sorry for the vent - I know this isn't your POV, just an oversight. But one I hope you'll correct.
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life
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