Comments for Women Perpetrate Too

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Feb 22, 2016
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Most assuredly women can be and are perpetrators of sexual abuse. But even though the phenomena of female sexual offenders has had some studies done in an effort to both understand and be preventative, there are precious few, if any, that show the female on female offender of children. This is only just beginning to come to light as a result of current news stories of the abusive situation you've described in your story above...and it's people like you who will be at the forefront of that information getting out there.

'Gene' was definitely disturbed. She was at the driver's seat as a confidante, taking advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities, and she drove you both to a place that would make you as an adolescent believe was okay. It was grooming at its most emotional and inappropriate level. She was in a position of trust, a trust she misused in so many glaring ways. And because our society cannot wrap its collective brain around women being offenders, the system that would have screamed foul had this been a male teacher with a female student, allowed it to continue, unchecked.

And now you're left with the residual. But it doesn't have to be a life sentence, not when you understand what really happened to you. Know that you did nothing wrong. You bear no shame here. SHE has the shame and blame to carry on her shoulders. Like I said above, she took advantage of your youth and vulnerability in a way that fed something within you. That's on HER, not you.

As for writing her a letter, I have always believed that writing is a very good way to get things out in the open so that the emotions don't stay bottled up. Whether or not you choose to actually send it to her, well, that's another thing altogether. If you do send it to her, you must be prepared for her to reach out to you further, and possibly in a way that could easily set you back in your own healing. It's very important that you have a strong support system in place if you choose to go that route.

Confronting an abuser is not something I advocate for, because it all too often leads to minimizations, outright denials, and/or pointing the finger of blame onto the victim. And this can easily lead to major emotional setbacks. It is never to be undertaken without a great deal of healing having already taken place, and an adequate support system at the ready, even a counsellor or therapist available to talk to in case there is a whole new aftermath to discuss.

The system failed you. And now you can choose how you're going to use that to move forward. You can look for ways to help others who are in your situation or help implement intervention & prevention. You can use what you've endured to speak openly about what other victims don't even understand, and won't for a very long time. There are a myriad of ways for you to bring purpose to what happened to you, and in the process, bring further healing to you. And others too.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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