Will Never Recover

by Siri
(Durban, South Africa)

I am 13 years old. My brother who is 8 years my senior used to sexually abuse me. I do not know exactly when it began or when it stopped but I do remember finer details like what he did and how it made me feel.

He used to make me watch pornographic material with him, give him oral sex, get oral sex from him as well as fingering me. He called it our little secret and forbade me from telling anyone. I complied with his requests as he was the only one to give me any attention which was something I craved for as a child.

I used to think it was all my fault and I used to spend sleepless nights crying and asking god to forgive me.

One day he attempted to rape me and I realized that what was happening was hurting me and that it was bad. I confronted him and told him it had to stop and looking back, I can say it was the best thing I ever did.

As a result I am suffering from depression, anxiety and on the verge of developing an eating disorder. I used to self-harm in various ways but stopped after my mum saw my scars. Luckily she didn't question them but I felt so guilty so I never did it again.

Everyone in school thinks I'm so perfect because I am top of the class, I have many talents and I'm also 'really pretty' (not my words)

I told my two best friends what was happening and they encouraged me to talk to our school counsellor. I was reluctant at first but after going for one session I realised that it was actually helping me. I know that I will never fully recover and I can accept that. I am just afraid that I won't be able to live a normal life.

Subscribe to Darlene Barriere's healing blog:

Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit
My goal is to inspire you, challenge your thoughts, and break open your heart. Your Self already knows you're remarkable and that the world needs you, more now than ever. It's time you know it and believe it too.
Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Click here to read or post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Child Abuse Story.

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.

E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life


Most Recent

  1. The reasons I've been absent

    Nov 14, 17 01:30 PM

    It's been another challenging time for me. As I actively work toward an online program for survivors of sexual abuse, I've also had to deal with issues at home. Hubby has been diagnosed with 2 types o…

    Read More

  2. I Self Medicate

    Jun 26, 17 04:40 PM

    When I was 3 we left Illinois for Arizona. The day we left my grandfather had a heart attack and died. I have one uncomfortable grainy memory of him. I

    Read More

  3. Ongoing Abuse

    Jun 06, 17 03:03 PM

    I'm 15/16. I am still getting abused physically, mentally and verbally by my family especially my mother. I don't understand what to do to overcome this.

    Read More