When Family Hates

by Karen L
(California, USA)

Since I can remember at 3 years of age I have been physically and emotionally abused. I am 55 now and it has not stopped. There was sexual and physical abuse continual in the home. My sister who was older was allowed to physically abuse me. I was stabbed with objects and slapped continually by her and my cousin who lived most of the time with my grandmother on the same street. My mother had me writing notes from the time I was 7 that I was bad and please forgive me. I was cleaning my parents house from 7 years old and then every relative on the same street. I was molested by my parents and the relatives throughout childhood. My mother got us up at all hours of the night until 2am looking for my dad in bars. We drove up and down the highways looking for him and when we found him and 3 years old and until teenage years had us go to the entrance of the bars and call him out. They had horrible fights. My dad would make me sit and listen from 3 years old how women have ruined all creation and call me a monkey and fetch and get it and stoop and fetch it. He called me stupid in front of my friends. My mother slapped me over and over across the face all my life. They told me I was to be seen and not heard. I was made to cook my dad whatever he wanted at 7 years old until I left there. My mother took my school pictures and tore them up in front of me. They made me sit in the closet for hours, 3 and 4 hours calling me a pouter and cry baby. I slept in my toy trunk to hide from them. My sister was my parents favorite and they allowed her to take my barbie dolls and break their arms and heads off. My mother took my new dress and walked me out to trash barrel and watch her burn it. I just learned my sister died two years ago and no one in the family let me know. I had not seen my sister in 21 years. My mother and sister had gone to my job when I was 34 and cost me my job by disparaging me to the supervisor and co workers. They went to every merchant in town and disparaged me. I had to move. My mother hates me today and I've pleaded with her to please love me and she professes to be a christian. She only recognizes my sisters daughters not mine and I only have one. My sister flew her kids to me and then tried to have me charged with kidnapping and my parents went along with her. Then they called the police and said, I assaulted my sister. I never did. It was dropped. I have so much pain. I have such a difficult time coping. My mother goes to the relatives who ostracize me and she sides with them and they all circled me at my grandmothers funeral with such hate and they said, they would blow my head off. They are all on facebook and act like they are all a loving close godly family. They do not try to make things right now or include me and my daughter. We are treated like criminals who have brought shame and pain to them. We never have or been drug addicts or alcoholics. We are just isolate and very alone. I have been told God hates me as he hated Esau in the bible. I have been cursed by my own parents and my family. When I went to other family for help I was punished by telling me they cannot get in the middle and they cannot fight my battles but they never treated my cousins like they have watched me treated. When I've cried I have told I am a victim who acts like a goody two shoes and I feel sorry for myself and I am not perfect and everyone makes mistakes and when I tried to commit suicide my own mother and family said, if I was serious I would of done it and not talk about it. I tried at 9 years old to hang myself in the closet with a rope. I was told by my other family members if they see me or have anything to do with me it hurts their relationship with my parents so not to come around. I have a hard time coping and understanding. The rejection and isolation and injustice has caused severe loneliness and problems in all areas of my life. My own friends have questioned why do they hate you, what have you done. I did nothing but tell relatives I was being molested and beat. Since then I have been the black sheep.

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