Comments for When a Parent Targets One For Child Abuse Part 2

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Jul 05, 2009
Your siblings HAVE problems...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Willow, I answered Part 1 of your post in that comment threat. I will add here two more things: One, you make an excellent analogy. And two, your siblings are more "flawed", they have more problems, than you realize. After all, they find it perfectly fine that you were abused. Consider that for a moment. I think you need to start seeing them in a different light. Not in hatred, but rather, in understanding that they too were a product of their upbringing. Question your own question about why they didn't stand up for you. They too were children; children who were taught that mistreating you was perfectly acceptable, and were rewarded for doing so. This is on your mother; not them. And as long as you have a need for them to be set straight as adults, you will likely be disappointed.

These two comments are all I am in a position to offer you, Willow. I do wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 05, 2009
children/siblings feel totally at a loss, what can I do.
by: maurice

Willow, I have shared with children who had to just stand by while a parent or parents used one against the rest to make an example of. You were the one your mother picked in your family. To get at your father who loved you and all his children. Jealousy is not a nice thing so your mother used and abused you to get her own back. By picking on you she made your brothers/sisters scared, indirectly by her action she mentally and emotionally abusing them. Each one did nothing even though deep down they wanted to, probably only treated you badly because they wanted to pacify their (your) mother so that she would not turn on them. You ask real questions, you make good reasons for yourself as to why parents do pick on one child. You sure are highly intelligent to work things out. Darlene gave you constructive ways and words to understand your siblings now. I am sure you are all on talking terms and around the same age so that from time to time when you are alone with each of them be strong enough to talk matter out and let them know your feelings. I've no doubt a few will support you and love you. It may take time for each of them to work things out but Willow you remain brave and strong in your own right. Think positive thoughts, act in a positive way, and be positive each day you wake up. Your the most important person now so you truly believe in yourself. DARLENE has given you words for thought for you to work with which will help you.

Jul 05, 2009
Such a selfish and uncaring world...
by: Francine

Willow, I'm sorry that you had to go through at the hands of those uncaring, selfish individuals for a whole family. I can relate. I, too, grew up in the place where the whole world seems to be mean, blind, deaf, arrogant and selfish. No one ever cared enough to save me; in fact, they always thought of it as "discipline", like my "parents"; they always told me that what I went through "wasn't abuse", that I "deserved what I got", that I would "always be lying", and to "shut up, go home and stop trying to dishonor my parents" this was when I finally realized that no one seems to care about me...only about themselves. Needless to say was that even one of the abusive social workers laughed in my face and mocked me the last time she came to my so-called house. This is when my respect for the entire world (including my so-called parents' friends) literally died down for good. Sorry, but this is how I can relate. Anyways, Willow, have you tried counselling?

Jul 09, 2009
I understand......
by: Sandra (Lonely at Heart)

All too well where you are coming from when you talk about questioning the abuser about their actions....I couldnt question or complain because I would get it worse and it would last eventually I gave up and just took it...but there were days that I wanted to lose it and days still years after my abuse has stopped "physically" cause "mentally" I still suffer, well there are still times that I want to lose it...

You write so well...its captivating and endearing...I feel your pain and my prayers are with you...I will continue to look for your stories...



Apr 12, 2010
I experienced this too.
by: daydreamer

It was good to read your story because it made me feel less crazy about my own experience with the denial and abuse from older siblings and parents. Did you see the movie "An American Crime"? Based on the true story of two sisters who were abused by a women who was supposed to be caring for them, the woman tortured one of the sisters. The other sister does nothing to help her and ends up siding with the abuser. The neighborhood kids take part in raping and torturing the girl and she died. So it does seem the people have some kind of a wolf pack mentality. And they are completely oblivious to it. And the truth becomes what is agreed upon by the majority. And if you do not go along with it, you are crazy.

Apr 14, 2010
My thoughts and prayers are with you
by: Maurice

Back last July I wrote my feelings to you: I pray and hope life has moved on for you: You have taken control of your life. Living it to the full. Always believe in yourself. I can: I will: I must because I am WORTH it. How is your mirror image I hope you have worked on it. Thinking positive, actting positive and being positive. Have you bothered your bottom to put Darlene's loving comment into practise in your life?? She has you best at hart. Sincerely I do hope LIFE is really worth living for you on this day in 2010. I hope you are active and alive in sporting and cultural activities mixing and intergrating with like-minded people or even hitting a ball like Tiger Woods. You be yourself in your own right.

Nov 27, 2010
by: willow

maurice, you are such a kind and loving soul. I always look for your encouraging posts.

Dec 01, 2010
each story is so real and personal to the writer
by: maurice

My heart I hope is a human heart: I hope a gentle heart: a caring heart: a loving heart: with genuine and real true feelings for another's pain, hurt, especially after abuse: Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express my feelings: Always believe in yourself: On this site similiar hearts speak to each other: Thank you for you affirmation of me: Thank you Darlene your vision sure brought many sincere hearts together who can emapatise with each other: Your stewardship gives us that natural gift to express our feelings

Jul 10, 2012
Is No Contact the Only Answer Here?
by: Anonymous

What should scapegoats like Willow do in this situation? If the siblings have been brainwashed to see her this her only recourse to walk away from this family for good? There never is reconcilliation is there? We just have to become orphans and go it alone.
Tell me something. Why do abusers go to great lengths to keep the abuse secret? To frame their victims and isolate them? Do abusers know full well what they are doing? If that is the case, it would be easier to leave because it shows there is nothing to redeem--they are evil. They want to tear you down. Tearing your spirit down and getting away with it is their intent.

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