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Nov 17, 2014
Alex:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Final comments on healing from Alex: Now I'm 26. I've gone through many different modes of therapy. I'm still haunted by what I call my father's ghost. He's not dead, but the memory of him and what he did to me seems more like an evil spirit than anything else. I'm happily married and about to (finally) get my bachelor's degree. My friends at school think I have my life together. But I harbor a lot of pain in secret. I do feel blessed that I am able to be productive and to have good things in my life now. My spouse knows about the abuse, so I don't have to hide anything at home. But I have nightmares and flashbacks and panic attacks weekly. I take medicine and see a therapist, which helps greatly. I know it's going to be an incredibly long and arduous road to recovery. But, for the first time in a while. I don't feel like giving up. I survived two suicide attempts and a childhood filled with abuse. I can survive just about anything else life wants to throw at me.

One last thing. I'm halfway through a treatment called TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). It's not widely known because health insurance doesn't cover it. But it is being utilized to treat treatment-resistant depression and anxiety at leading medical centers like Johns Hopkins and the Mayo Clinic. I haven't noticed any change yet, but that's not expected until later in the treatment. I highly suggest to anyone reading this who has been through numerous therapies without success to look into the procedure.

Best of luck to everyone reading this. Remember, we choose if we are victims or survivors. I chose to be a survivor!

Comments to Alex from Darlene:
It is perfectly understandable that you still harbour anger toward your mother. And you're absolutely right that your sister would have been sexually abused as a child herself to have done what she did to you at that age. Child on child sexual abuse is so much more common that many realize. And parents often don't have the intestinal fortitude to recognize when this is happening. And it's even worse for males, in part because society still has difficulty wrapping their brains around the very idea that females, even young females, can sexually abuse. But they do. And they have. So when people like you are open about what happened, you help others who have also been silenced for various reasons. The #1 reason for not telling is not being believed. And that happened to you in a vile way.

I also see your mother's plight. Not only as a victim of her husband, your father, but as a victim of some form of abuse(s) as a child. The fact that she picked someone like your father as a spouse, then continued to keep herself in such a terrible relationship, and put her children at risk every single day tells me that she lacked the confidence, self-esteem, and wherewithal to make healthy choices for herself and her children.

I am not an advocate of asking for forgiveness. Though I am an advocate of giving it. When someone "asks" to be forgiven, what they are saying is, "I need you to forgive me". In other words, it's all about them, not those they have victimized. But when we ourselves choose not to forgive, it's us that stays in prison. It's us that suffers. Forgiveness it not for the person who harmed you. Forgiveness is for you. It's the way to take back your power in a deeply healing way. It's the way to severe the connection that keeps you linked to your abuser. It is NOT saying that what the abuser did was okay. It wasn't okay. Stay with your healing path, Alex. You deserve healing in your life. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to proudly wear the thriver badge of honour. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. You are an inspiration for all who visit here, for all who have endured. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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