Tried to Suicide

by Ana
(Chicago USA)

When I was 6 years old I was left alone for 36 days, me and my siblings. My mom would leave and not come back for weeks. We had no food. My dad was living somewhere else because they were separated. This continued on. We were starving and dirty. My little brother was a baby. He'd cry and cry. I couldn't stop him from crying and I was scared and hid in the closet. Eventually we were found by the State and taken from my mom and put in foster care, where I was abuse because I was Mexican, and the foster parents were Puerto Rican. They fed us like dogs on the floor. They locked us up in the basement in the cold and made us take cold showers and bath. We had knifes held to our throats. On a daily basis, we were told we were trash and didn't deserve to live.

My dad won custody 9 months later and we went back home. That's when my dad let my mom moved back in. We were sworn to secrecy.

We were constantly hit, yelled at and put down by my mom. It was apparent that she hated me. A school social worker was involved in my life. She gave me hope and love. She understood my nightmare.

When I turn 13, I started to self-harm as a way to escape. I was also witnessing lots of domestic violence by my dad and mom. My dad would beat my mom till there was so much blood. I still have flashbacks and nightmares. My mom used to laugh every time I would self-harm. I was hurt. Never understanding why I was still alive as the years when by. I have tried to commit suicide many times.

I am 29 years old now. I am finally accepting that I have a purpose in life. I have tried overdoses, swallowing batteries, drinking Clorox, trying to drown myself, cutting, and drinking bathroom cleaner. I been close to death, but I never succeeded. God don't want me yet and I accept it. Even me and my family relationship is strained and not good.

I lived in a group home and grew up in the State custody. I am finally working on the abuse I suffered. I was also sexually abused just recently by my step brother. I have tried to move on and accept that I am a survivor.