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Oct 27, 2014
 Loren:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When we believe we're trapped, then we get even more embroiled in that trap. Yes, it's very challenging to break free. I do understand that. It starts with choosing to look at things differently. Your father was a brute and a bully. He abused you in terrible ways. He made you feel inadequate in every aspect of your life. And now, you are about to, if you haven't already, repeat a cycle with your own family. Perhaps not the exact same way, but certainly your children will feel as inadequate as you did as a child because you feel that way about yourself. You keep telling yourself that you're in adequate, which means you have taken the reins from the very people who abused you. In other words, you keep abusing your Self. Not to mention that you're already saying that you shouldn't have had children in the first place. Your children WILL feel that. They WILL take that on. They WILL blame themselves for what you're still trying to heal from. I know you don't want that for your children. And now that you are a father, you have more than just yourself to consider.

The best thing you can do for your children is to treat yourself with dignity and respect and self love. Those who bullied you, including your father, have no credibility. Yet you still believe the lies they told and implied. So question that. Tell yourself that when they bullied you and abused you and left you feeling inadequate, they weren't telling the truth of Who You Really Are. You ARE enough, Loren.

As long as you continue to walk the path you're on, you choose to stay in victimland. But there is another choice. You can choose instead to walk a path of healing. As long as you stay in victimland, you will be a victim. When you choose healing by changing your outlook, by looking at your abusers as harmed and hurting themselves--healthy people do not harm or hurt others--then you begin to take back the power that was stolen from you. But you must first make that choice yourself. When you choose to be understanding, it does not excuse the people of the behaviours they used to torment you. Rather, you replace the hatred and hostility with something more serene. Forgiveness is not about saying what they did to you was okay, it's about living your life in peace. Peace that is not only yours, but also your children's. You all deserve that peace. There can be purpose in even the most heinous acts, but that means choosing to see them as purposeful.

Show your children how to overcome feelings of inadequacy, and you will have given more purpose to what you endured than you ever dreamed possible. I send you love, light and healing energy, Loren. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Oct 27, 2014
 very seriously abused as a child
by: John G of massachusetts

Hi Loren

I am now 81 years of age and have published my story on this web site.
My father use to beat me by punching, strapping and when on the floor screaming my head off fighting for breath from the severe pain I was enduring from the beating I was getting and urinating uncontrollably. He would kick me in my rear as hard as he could. He stopped only when he was tired. My mother who was in the next room never acknowledged these beating ever happened or even checked to see if I was still alive some 20 minutes after the beatings stopped. Neither parent ever said they liked me forget ever saying they loved me in my lifetime. I was the oldest of 5 boys and made to do all the work around the house while my brothers did nothing ever. The only time either parent ever touched me was my fathers beating me and for little or nothing I ever did. My parents never ever gave me a red cent and only what the law required, period. I hated my parents like you cant believe. After my father died I went to see my mother to see if she would be different now that he was gone and after seeing her I found she was the same as she had always been and I told her I hated the way I felt toward her and that she brought me into the world but had never been a mother to or for me ever. I cant remember my mother ever touching me even by accident ever in my lifetime. I told her I would be leaving her and I would never be back to see her ever again because I hate the way I feel towards her. She had never been a mother to or for me ever. She said nothing and the expression on her face said nothing either. I turned and went out her front door and felt a great burden lift from my shoulders, it was the happiest day of my life sorry to say. I didn't see her for some 22 years until she passed away and lay in a casket in a funeral home, I felt nothing. All my life I fought this ultra anger I inherited from my parents especially my father and went through a couple of periods where I came within a few seconds of killing myself. Fortunately for me where I grew up there were many families of different cultures and I learned what it was supposed to be like living in a normal family situation with love and affection for one another but not in my home. I vowed never to give in to these two ba@%&*#ds I had to call parents. My father and mother would come home from church and my father could beat me within a few seconds for little or nothing I supposedly did wrong. My father came very close to killing me from these beating more than once. I have a very serious case of PTSD because of these beatings. I have been a super achiever all my life because I learned to do things to the best of my ability starting around when I was say 5 years old or so. I begged god to help me many, many times and he did nothing to help me. God doesn't exist for me, he never has as a result. I have a wife and three kids and we tell each other all the time how much we love one another and hugs and kisses happen all the time and every time we meet. Do I have problems you bet but I fight like you cant believe all the anger I received from my parents genes especially my fathers. I don't know who the real me is because of my past, I only know who I think I am. Repeat on my children what was done to me NO WAY, I am the last person on this earth to do to those I love what was done to me. They didn't ask to have me as a husband or father and do not deserve to be punished like I was. I didn't ask for it either but I delt with it in the only way I felt I could and should.
TKS for listening to me.....................

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