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Oct 29, 2014
Shannon:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Of course you were too young to know different. You said it yourself when you spoke of seeing your sister at the age you were when it started. And even if you did know different, you had no real power. This is key, Shannon. You can see how innocent your sister is at this age, yet you can't see that you too were that innocent. That's because you are applying mature adult values to what you had no control over. This guy took advantage of your innocence and your vulnerabilities. He threatened you and your mother, knowing that you would be too afraid for yourself and your mother to say anything. That's what pedophiles and abusers do, and that makes them manipulators and cowards. That makes the guy who abused you and threatened you a manipulator and a coward.

There is something else I want to point out, Shannon. You can take back the power he stole from you. You really and truly can. And that starts with making a decision that you will no longer allow him to control you and have power over you. When you self-harm, you allow that control and power he has over you to continue. This bears repeating: when you self-harm, he is still in control of you. The good news is you can make the choice to never let him control you again. You can stop self-harming.

The only way he "wins" is if you tell yourself the story that "he's won". He hasn't won, because you survived.

Don't tell yourself the story that without justice he wins. Tell yourself a different story. Tell yourself that you know what he did, even if the system never validates that for you. Tell your Self that in spite of what he did, you will thrive and find purpose in all of it. Perhaps by helping others who have endured something similar. Perhaps in some other way that is healthy for you. It's all in how you look at things, Shannon. You can choose to see things the way you currently do, which will ensure healing stays at bay. Or you can choose to see things in a way that brings you to a healing path.

You're not to blame for what happened to you. HE is. You have no shame or guilt to carry. HE does. What you ARE responsible for is how you respond now. You can't change anything about HIM, but you sure as heck can change your own behaviour. Start by treating your Self with the dignity and respect and love that you weren't shown as a child by the father-figure in your life. And that means stop the self-harming. You deserve so much better than that. Self-harming means you're treating your Self no better than he treated you. When you think of it that way, it doesn't make sense to continue the self-harming behaviour. Put an end to it. Now. And always remember that you are strong. Very strong. Otherwise, you wouldn't have survived what you did. He may have ruined your childhood, but it doesn't mean that he gets to ruin your adulthood.

And though you're too emotionally raw to see that all men aren't like him and the others your mother chose to bring into hers and your life, not all men are like that. There are some wonderful men in the world. Men who legitimately condemn such treatment of women and children. Men who treat women and children with dignity and respect. That I know with certainty.

I send you love, light and healing energy, Shannon. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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