Targeted Child Abuse
I was the middle child of four children. Both my parents were present in the home. I had an older brother, an older sister, and a younger sister. All of us were abused emotionally and sexually. I don't think my younger sister was abused physically. I had been the target of my mother's rage. Before that was my older sister. Occasionally my brother would get beaten severely, but it was rare.
Although my older sister had gotten some severe beatings, I was the only one that had gotten beaten to bloodshed, a stabbing, and stitches. My mother would hug and kiss all of the other children, but not me. She told me I had "dog germs".
Every morning before my younger sister and I left for school, my mother would call us into her bedroom. She would give my sister a hug and kiss every morning but ignore me. I always had to come in anyway. One morning, I had protested and asked why she wanted me there if she didn't even acknowledge me. She told me it was because if I was found dead she would know what I was wearing and could identify my body. Lovely woman that she was.
My father was a wonderful gentleman who felt he had a God-given right to sleep with all of his children. I can't say anything about what my siblings dealt with, but he would use one specific threat on me. He had told me if I told anyone he would be sent to jail and would be unable to protect me from my mother's abuse. At the tender age of 8, I thought he was my hero. The more it happened, the more nervous I got and asked him not to do it. I told him I was afraid he would go to jail and I would be left with my mother and she would beat me more because he was gone and it would be my fault. He did not like my reasoning and then used guilt. When that didn't work, he would provoke my mother's rage against me the next day and make my life a living Hell. I was very much alone.
My parents encouraged all of us to hate each other. They would often target me as the cause of a group punishment. To this day, I am close to 40, my siblings and I have a strained relationship and I am seen as a trouble maker.
Later on when I was 20ish, I asked my mother why she felt the need to beat me so badly. She told me that I reminded her of herself and she wanted to "break" me.
If you look at the dynamics of it all, there were many causes of targeting a child. Not to mention I was a picky eater and terribly honest, which was not a good way to be in an abusive household.
I should mention, not only was my father sexually abusing us but my mother was as well. I was not sexually abused much by my mother but from what I understand my younger sister was the most. My brother and older sister had seen some awful stuff as well. I was very young when it happened to me, so I don't remember much.
On a wonderful note, I am a mother now. I have ended the cycle. It has been a tough struggle not to behave the way my parents did, but I do believe it is very much worth the effort.
Darlene's comments to this Child Abuse Commentary "Targeted Child Abuse" are at the link below.
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