Comments for Still Feel Guilt

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Oct 24, 2014
Aaron:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

My goodness, you were 5 years old. 5 years old! This bears repeating again: 5 YEARS OLD! Do me a favour...next time you're around children that age, take a good look at them. See how little they are. See their innocence. See how vulnerable they are. Then perhaps you'll understand that that was YOU back then.

You are applying mature adult values to what you "participated" in as a young child. And I use the word "participated" very loosely here. You were manipulated during a time when you were highly vulnerable by boys old enough to know what they were doing was wrong. They wouldn't have told you to "not talk about it" otherwise. There is every chance that they too were sexually abused in some way. They may even have repeated with you what was done and told to them.

It is so interesting that you don't blame these boys or your aunt or uncle, but yet you are very quick to blame yourself. You, who were so little, so vulnerable, so in need of adult supervision. You are not to blame, Aaron. Not even close. Those boys had all the power, and misused that power in a terrible way.

There is nothing you can do to change what happened. Only what you tell yourself can change. You were a little boy who was scared, with a couple of older boys you enjoyed being around. Of course you would trust them. You tried to tell, but when your aunt told you not to talk about seeing the dirty magazines, she set up a scenario that left you feeling more shame, guilt and blame. If you weren't supposed to talk about seeing those mags (and it was up to the adults there to make sure you didn't see them), how the heck were you supposed to talk about what actually happened with those boys. It wasn't your fault, Aaron. It will never be your fault. Ever.

The #1 reason sexual abuse victims don't tell is that they are afraid they won't be believed. Add to that the fact that you're male, the odds are even greater that you wouldn't be believed. And when your mother didn't believe you, that set the blame, guilt and shame even stronger within you. It's time to challenge those feelings. Time to tell yourself the truth of what really went on: You were manipulated by two boys who knew better, told not to talk by both them and your aunt, not believed by your mother when you felt it was safe enough to speak up. All these conspired to leave you feeling more of what isn't yours to bear.

Give yourself a break, Aaron. This wasn't your fault. Period. End of story. Keep telling yourself that, because it's true. It's the only truth that matters. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Oct 25, 2014
Aaron,
by: AnonymousT

You're an adult now and you don't have to worry about what others think or say when it comes to your abuse. It just doesn't matter if they are sympathetic, if they don't know how to respond or if they are callous.

All that matters is your healing. Find a therapistthat deals with this sort of abuse, make sure you feel right & if you don't keep trying until you find a good fit, it's ok to "shop" for a therapist.

Guilt is a normal feeling. But it's debilitating & you don't deserve it. You deserve peace. Please work to find someone who can help you find that.

Be kind to you,
AnonymousT

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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