by Location Undisclosed
He was perfect...
I met my boyfriend at work. I was 26, turning 27. Just getting over a five-year relationship with a really nice guy (which I was unaware of before I met this new guy) He's tall, charming, super sweet, really smart, and funny (though he has a knack of making fun of other people but not in a mean way). He courted me everyday, walked me to home though our houses really far from each other. He's really nice, caring and sweet just to me, and showered me with praises and attention.
When I also told him I loved him, everything was just heavenly, bliss and there was nothing more I could ask for. He was the best boyfriend I ever had.
Then after two months, that's when I saw how bad it gets when he gets upset. We were walking on our way home, and arguing quietly about some things, then I decided to just go home alone. He made a scene in public. He's never afraid to show how he really feels. He won't mind the people around. He always tells me, "I don't care who sees us, what's important to me is US"...Blah blah. I am not comfortable fighting in public, but he doesn't mind that. When he's mad, he'll let it out, wherever and whenever.
One time, he walked out on me while we were arguing. When I can't talk at all, he gets really furious. He always blames me that we fight because of my attitude. We fight because I'm difficult. We fight because I don't know how to love him.
After a month, he moved in with me and my sister. Everything was okay when we're not fighting. He gives me everything and cooks for me. But whenever he feels like I'm distant, he'll confront me and stare at me with those angry eyes. This time, he hurts himself, though he would restrain me or pull my arm when he is forcing me to speak up and say the things he wanted to hear. He always says that I am not thinking.
We moved in to his parent's house. Because he said we could save some money if we stay there, so we could afford our own place. So we did, but when we were there, he made it hard for me to go home to my family. He'd allow me to go home, but at first would feel sad that I'm leaving.
He wants us to be together all the time. He doesn't want me to work. He wants me to stay home. He provided for everything. I was unemployed for 7 months, I wasn't happy. Because I wanted to do something.
When we stayed at his parent's house, that's when the beating started. Whenever we argue, he'll pull my hair, bite me everywhere and leave bruises and marks. He would slap me over and over, kick me and spit on my face, call me names, say bad words, curse me and always tells me how SELFISH I am.
I would try to fight back whenever he hurt me, but I am no match for him. He is strong and huge. He'll get angrier whenever I try to fight back. He'll say, "And you still have the guts to hurt me, huh?! How dare you!" I was never able to fight back. I will just lay there and endure all the beatings. He never punched me though. He would never leave bruises on visible parts. The cycle always goes that way. We'll be happy, I'll be ecstatic, then I'll do something to upset him, then he'll lose his temper, and hurt me.
Last week, we had another argument. Again, he pulled my hair, banged my head in our bed many times, spit on my face and bit my lips...I was really scared...I cried and cried. He was always telling me how my family had affected the way I am right now. He would talk to me for hours and hours, trying to figure out what made me so difficult (according to him). He'll ask me questions about the people I love and respect and turn things around, it felt like he's analyzing me.
I stayed beside him...while he was sleeping, I sneaked some of my things in my bag and went out of the house.
We've been together for more than a year now. I still love him. I feel like I'm the one to blame of all the things that happened to us. I feel like if I change, everything will be perfect. I still love him, but I can't stand the beatings, the put me downs and I feel so insignificant and helpless whenever we fight/argue. I don't know what to do.
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