Relationship Violence Story From Ms Anonymous Part 2
by Ms Anonymous
Continued from Part 1:
I've spent 9 out of 10 nights in tears - crying myself to sleep. I've been miserable in the past few years, and the stress is clearly seen beneath my eyes. I was never allowed to think for myself, I was forbidden to be independent, and I've been reprimanded for having a cheerful and spirited personality! I am tied to a leash, that won't let me go beyond a certain radius. I feel I'm trapped, and want to break free. My heart has been crushed so badly, that there's a terrible scar across it, so deep that'll never go! I don't have a healthy relationship with my married partner! I don't know why the heck do people even get married. None of his friends like him, nor his co-workers. He's just too stuck-up and egoistic. He's sworn at my parents and belittled them. His parents have never failed to join him on that front. I had begun to lose trust in love, to lose faith in relationships. I noticed myself becoming weaker and weaker. I would laugh out loud to the world, but a sea of tears would be falling out from the corner of my eyes. I still can't believe I put up with him all these years?!?!
But I don't regret any of this. I am glad life has taught me all the lessons I ought to have learned in my childhood itself. When I faced hardships, I grew stronger and wiser. There was a time wherein I've worked my way through grad school, while managing a home. I managed paying off my tuition even if it took me to work odd jobs. I have lived in reality, and I'm thankful for that. I can boast of having seen life quite closely, and can help others who are going through something similar. The past few years has given me the power to understand my surrounding minutely, and be a wise observer. It has mellowed me down a lot than before. But now it's time to move on. And at this point, I am THANKFUL I have no kids (I wouldn't have had them anyway by technical reasons).
I'm just waiting till I get a job that pays me enough to survive on my own. My current job isn't something I can rely on. I definitely cannot pay bills, definitely not! I believe it's fair, in this situation, to think about myself first. I wouldn't say I'm using him to pay my bills. It's like a give and take thing, like I mentioned earlier. But this can't go on, and shouldn't.
My parents have always told me I can leave him anytime I wanted to, but in the end I am the one who'll be responsible for the consequences that follow. Hence I'm trying to build a nest for myself, away from here, before I migrate to that. I know I'm going to do it, and I know why am I going to do it. Just don't know when. I'm desperately applying for higher paying jobs right now, that match my decent qualifications, but the economy isn't still picking up.
I now try to spend more time with my girlfriends, and books. I listen to soothing music and try to remain positive. The best part about my personality is that I get joy from the smallest of things, and there are plenty to go around. So, I'm never down in the dumps, in spite of being in a severely abusive relationship. My positive attitude and bright spirits have kept me moving. I'm a fighter, and I know there is a God. I am going to get out there and become the fitness instructor I've always wanted to be! Whoohoo!!!!
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