Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Melissa

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Apr 05, 2011
Melissa:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Follow your instincts. Clearly, this man is showing you he is not ready to commit to an adult, mutually respectful relationship. If you marry him, you will get more of the same, because the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. You have to be able to trust that he'll be present in the relationship, especially when things aren't going so well. He's proven to you already that he can't be trusted to do that. Instead, he runs home to his mother. The fact that he hasn't told her yet about your engagement (if I read what you said correctly) is a huge red flag. If you marry this man, you will get more of what you already know you don't want. It takes both of you to make it work. Without his commitment to work things out directly with you, you know what you're in for. As for him being abused, that's certainly a possibility, but HE has to be the one who wants to deal with that. You can't force anything. I must also say that this is not a site where you can expect relationship advice, Melissa. That kind of advice you'll have to find through resources available to you in your community. I created this aspect of the site in order for visitors who've been abused to have a place to be heard. Just remember that you are worthy of dignity and respect. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series

Apr 06, 2011
seek advice: Help: have a true trusting friend or family member
by: maurice

I often wondered why marriages break up after a short or long time tigether even when there's chldren involved: I get a slight but deffinate vibe from your telling of your relationship: Melissa: Value and Respest are two words I would certainly look for in the other if I was building a relationship/friendship especially if I was to marry this person: He surely is acting pretty strangely if he say he loves you: Basically you must value and respect yourself firstly: to be engaged and hopefully to be married to a man who can't trust or relate his true feelings to you naturally is a concern I would have for you: His mammy if as you say is a manipulator then might be the reason for his odd behaviour: Yes, your insticts might be right, he may have been abused but don't you stress yourself out already listening about that until you actually know for sure: If you let is worry or stres you and he was not abused then you will have been wasteing good energy time to truly get to know him: Melissa, thread carefully, don't commit until you are satisfied he really will change and will be a loving, respedctful of you, as his partner, friend, and certainly husband: Don't rush into marrying until you are fully satisfied he will Love, honour and rsepct you for the gifted, tallented, intelligent woman you are: suggest some form of counselling and certainly try and get a pre-marriage course before you say You Love him enough to settle down with him in marriage: My first insticts as I read slowly through your story was what I have written: Melissa: Darlene comment is worth it's weight in gold for you and him if he values and resepcts what you have written: What might be his re-action if you asked him to read what you have written: Darlene speaks from her heart: Melissa it is a loving, caring sincere, genuine woman's heart so take her words to your heart before you journey on with this friend:

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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