Relationship Violence Story From Lauren1

by Lauren
(Pennsylvania, USA)

My relationship at 16 started off great, everything in the world was right, and he was a great guy who treated me right. We hang out together whenever possible. He showed me how much he cared, by being there, saying he loved me, and making me happy. But then as our first year of dating passed things began to change. He began flirting with other girls, telling me that I caused all his problems, saying I was ugly and that other girls were better looking. But still saying I love you and I care for you!! By the time I was 17 years old, I was so in love with this guy, I thought that we would grow old together.

The start of my senior year of high school, we began to grow apart, but I still loved him and he said he loved me. By Christmas time of that year, he was getting in trouble so much that his parents grounded him from seeing me. One day before Christmas, he told me that he had better things in his life besides me. He told me it was over, and I was devastated. I went to work that night in tears, fighting to not break down. I returned from work and had 10 messages on my cell phone from him. Apologizing for making the biggest mistake in his life. We ended up figuring it out that night. We were back together the next day. Things were really good for a while after that. Then the New Year came and that's where things really fell apart.

I felt like I needed to be with him, but everytime we were together, if something went wrong, it was my fault. I was his personal punching bag...he emotionally scared me for the rest of my life. He yelled at me constantly, it was always my fault. I would give up my freedom and privileges for him. I'd break the rules and the laws for him not because I wanted to, but because it was a demand. I started getting tired of his demands and began crying every night not knowing who to talk to. Anytime I talked to anyone about the way he was treating me or how things were going, and get yelled at later for not keeping our relationship a secret. He told me talking to other people meant I didn't trust him or love him, but I did, I just needed advice from friends. Sometimes those friends accidently slipped my secrets to him...and hell would break loose in my car. He would threaten to end the relationship if I talked to anyone else about it.

About two weeks before my Senior life took a turn for the worst. His parents had forbidden him to have any contact with me as a punishment for failing grades. The day I purchased my Prom tickets at school, he said he didn't think we'd be together by Prom. He started telling me that I wasn't good enough, that he didn't want me anymore. That day I hit rock bottom...I ended up in a rehab center with mental disorders that I had been struggling with for the past three years. I thought that was the end of my one cared, no one loved me, not even him. I was in for almost a week, then the day after I got out I broke things off with him.

Because I had fallen in love with him, breaking things off was really difficult. He was furious, which made school hard, we had classes together, and we still saw each other all the time. We did still go to Prom together, but it wasn't the night I had dreamed of. That was our last official night together for the rest of my life. According to my parents I was never to talk to him or see him again. I graduated high school a couple weeks after Prom. I thought that the feelings would leave quickly, but they didn't. I was okay for a few months, but did suffer from numerous mental disorders, some caused from the relationship. Then, I came home from a great vacation with family and friends and decided to go visit him.

I drove to his house and we got into a really heated argument. I became extremely pissed at him for hurting me so much, and then I became physical out of anger. He allowed the fight to continue and then he threatened to get me arrested and I got scared and stopped. He told me he called my parents and they were on there way. He said he would call the police and have them escort me to a jail or a mental hospital, because I needed help. The only reason I needed help was because of the emotional damage that he caused me. I ended up back in rehab, but coming out this time was on my 18th birthday!! Things changed after that, for the better.

I'm now 18 years old, and in control of my own life. I have a huge family that supports me every step of the way. I'm finally starting college in less than a month and I'm super excited. I'm over him now, but every once in a while, a memory comes back, sometimes its ok and sometimes its not. But overall from the experiences I went through I learned one thing. Friends and boyfriends come and go, but your family is always there!! I plan on getting through college and living a happy life. But I will always watch for abusive signs in men...I'll always be on the look out the rest of my life. I haven't been with anyone, since I was with him, but I don't NEED a man to make me happy, I just need life in itself and I need to be happy alone, first.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: I welcome you to follow me on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I hope to hear from you there!

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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life


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