I met him when I was 13. I wasn't attracted to him, but going through a really tough time with depression, suicide and cutting, it wasn't long before I fell in love. He was 20, Venezuelan, spoke only Spanish, a language I was a novice in, and early veteran from the army. He looked nice, he was strong and he was older. I should have known that no healthy 20 year old goes with a kid, but I trusted him as did my mom, and that's how our relationship started.
From the start I told him I wanted to wait, I was only 13, well aware of the risks and consequences and I didn't want to disappoint myself or my mom. I thought he agreed to it, but after 2/3 weeks he had coerced me into giving it up. I always told him no, but I thought he loved and that the sex didn't matter as he loved me for me. How I turned out to be wrong.
I thought now that he'd gotten what he wanted, he might finally start appreciating me more and letting me be, but instead he kept pressuring me. He wanted more than I was willing to give and it didn't take long before he was holding me down and forcing me to submission. Little by little he raped me and little did I know that I would never be the same person again.
After 2 months of starting a sexual relationship and noticing his growing controlling behaviour, I found out I was only the last out of about 23 ex girlfriends. Needless to say, I was crushed, but what made it worse was his complete neglect to me and my behaviour. I always knew that the sex was only about him, but this only made me feel that much more like a number and something to be used by him.
He didn't care about me, I thought he did, but none of his actions ever indicated that. I loved him, I wanted to fix him and teach him how to treat me right, but that should have been enough sign that he was no good for me. He accused me of cheating, he pulled me by the arm whenever he wasn't having it his way and he would turn stone cold and ignore me, lying on my own bed, if I somehow proved to be a girlfriend.
After 8 months I broke it off, but he left me with pain I'm still trying to recover from 3 years later. I'm happy to have endured and come through the other way, because I couldn't be more happy with my current boyfriend who I know would sooner kill himself than hurt me. He's helped me through so much, I don't feel so hurt anymore.
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From Victim to Victory
How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life
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