I met him 3 years ago. We worked together. He was so helpful, sweet, loving, his smile lit up a room, and his eyes had me hypnotized. Since we worked together we saw each other all the time, and with working with each other came the work drama. Things were going around that he beat up one of his ex's, so I asked him and he denied it. I let it go because he just started there, no one knew him.
A few months into our relationship I noticed he always wanted to be with me. After work one night we all had a get together. That was when I realized he might just have a temper. He was mad about something; to this day I still have no clue what it was; I was trying my best to calm him down and in front of everyone he yelled, "Shut the f**k up!" In shock I just left. Later on that night he apologized for his actions.
About six months later I had changed jobs. I had a guy friend "Mo" who would call me and tell me my schedule. One night we were together and "Mo" called. All hell broke loose! He threw my phone against the wall and broke it. He started punching the wall. He went on ranting about how I was sleeping with him. How I was a slut. How he was done with me! I was distraught. I hadn't done anything wrong. I wasn't sleeping with anybody. But you couldn't tell him that!! He responded by saying, "If you're not sleeping with anyone then show me." I asked him what he meant by show him. He started to take my clothes off. I was pushing him off me because I was a virgin and wasn't ready for that big of a step. He held me down and said, "If you don't have anything to hide, you will prove to me that you aren't sleeping with anyone!" So I proved to him I hadn't had sex with anyone. That night I lost my virginity.
I'd say 3 months after that, things began to get great! He hadn't fought or argued about anything, til one night when "Mo" called with my schedule. Once again all hell broke loose! He went off cursing and yelling at "Mo", and "Mo" followed with yelling right back at him. He hung up and made me call "Mo" and tell him to not call me again. So to avoid conflict I did. As soon as I hung up the phone he grabbed me by my hair. He threw me against the wall. He started yelling at me. He called me all sorts of things. I tried pushing him off. That seemed to enrage him even more! He threw me on the ground. He slapped me so hard my nose started bleeding. I yelled, "Please stop. I didn't do anything." I began crying. And then he just stopped. He helped me up and drove me home, like nothing happened. Later that night he came over. He was crying and saying he was so sorry and he promised it wouldn't happen again.
Like a dummy, I believed him.
He ended up going to jail for missing court. For 3 months I visited him every Sunday and wrote him 2-3 times a day. When he got out he was different, but not in a good way. He had a temper that was far worse than the one he went in there with.
This day we had spent all day together, no fighting no anything. It was fantastic; but all good things must come to an end. We made love and all of a sudden he wanted me to go down on him. I never ever did that before. I wasn't comfortable doing that so I said, "No!" He went on saying how I would do that to the next guy and he began saying things that just really hurt me. I had gained weight from a miscarriage I'd had when he was locked up, but I didn't tell him in fear that he would beat me. He called me a fat cow and told me how disgusting I was. So I grabbed my things and proceeded to leave. He jumped out of the bed and grabbed my bag. I went to the door. He slammed it shut. He took me by my throat. He had me pinned to the wall with one hand and had his other hand holding my arm behind my back. He was too strong for me to push him off. I couldn't breathe. So I whispered, "Please stop, you're hurting me." He began to choke me harder. He pulled my arm so hard my shoulder popped out of place. Some weird way he threw me on the ground and my foot got broken. I yelled so loud, the pain was excruciating! He got on top of me and began choking me. "Are you leaving me?!" he said while choking me. I shook my head no. I was crying hysterically. Like the gentlemen I thought he was, he helped me up off the floor. He laid me on the bed. I went to get up. He punched me. I had no choice but to lay there while he forced me to have sex with him. I felt so dirty. I was at a loss for words! Why would the one person I love do this to me? I rolled over and he grabbed me. He held onto me tight the rest of the night. I cried myself to sleep.
The next morning he was so nice. He helped me around the house. He cooked me a great breakfast. He bathed me. Til this day I'm still so confused.
We've been together for almost 3 years now. I don't know how to leave. I want to but I'm scared because he's told me on more than one occasion that if I try to leave he will kill me. He says, "If I can't have you, no one can!"
I know he's a jealous boyfriend, he even says he is, but I love him; isn't there a way I can help?
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