No Way Out

by Lindsey
(Location Undisclosed)

Im lindsey.. I've been in abusive relationships my entire life. It started with my stepfather when I was 5 or 6, I can't actually remember. At the time I wasn't aware of exactly what was going on. This is what started the drinking and drug use. When I was 11 I started dating, and at first it was actually helpful. I had a guy treat me like a princess. This only lasted a year. On our one year anniversary he forced himself on me and told me he knew its what I wanted. I think I stayed with him for a further month simply because I thought he loved me, after all he said it nonstop. It was when he gave me a black eye that my mom stopped it. She knew I was lying when I claimed I got it from playing basketball. Anyway I stayed away from guys until I was 14. Mistake #2. The next guy was 17 and again I thought I was in love because he always said those 3 words... That's the first time I was drugged and raped. I still don't remember much of it which is probably a good thing. But by now I associated love with pain, even though all I wanted was someone to hold me and make me feel safe..

anyway I've had enough. I'm 19 now and living with a college guy. I'm tired of being scared all the time and hurting all the time, just last night I got beaten so bad I thought I was gonna bleed to death. Before I started typing I shot up 20 CCs of heroin. Numb is so much better than fear. Il b dead within a few hours, painlessly the way I always wanted to live.

someone please read this and learn from my mistakes. Don't let it happen because there is no way out, all you know is being dead can't be any more sinful than this f**ked up existence.
feeling sleepy, its finally over

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