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Nov 18, 2014
 Sam:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You said, "I'm angry at myself and my parents for not protecting me better, I'm ashamed, it has made it difficult for me to trust anyone..." This statement is what I'm compelled to focus on.

You're "ashamed", yet you have nothing to feel shame for. And while I'm always one to encourage survivors to fully feel the emotions they are experiencing, I'm also one to point out when the story they are telling themselves is one that is simply not true. What we tell ourselves is paramount to our healing.

You can't help how you feel, but when you change what you think you automatically change how you feel, which in turn automatically changes how you act. So allow me to help you change the story you're telling yourself.

You did nothing wrong. You are applying mature adult values to what you did and didn't do as a child, a child who was vulnerable. A child who was ill-equipped to deal with what was happening. A child who needed responsible caring and loving adults to keep you safe. A child who was taken advantage of by adults who chose to be abusive.

Your power was taken from you, Sam. And then, as you grew and matured, you began to find some of that power. But blaming yourself is not a powerful thing at all. What blaming yourself does is give more power to the abuser and keeps you bound to your abuser. Abusers typically blame their victims; they don't take responsibility for their vile actions. That's not on you, that's on the abusers. Being vulnerable did not make you responsible, Sam, it made you a target. There is no shame in having been abused. Shame lies squarely on the shoulders of your abusers.

As for your parents, you have every right to be angry at them for not protecting you. But don't wallow in that anger. When you do, you trap the negative energy inside of you. But when you allow yourself to feel that anger and then focus on where in your body you're actually feeling it, without judgment, without fear, then something else begins to happen. Your body can release that negative energy and open up the block inside of you for positive energy to flow instead. When we allow ourselves to feel our own pain, sans the judgment and fear, we can then be free to be more understanding of why others behaved as they did. Not as an excuse, but rather, as an explanation. And in that understanding can come forgiveness. And forgiveness is the key to unlocking the prison that anger and hostility keeps you trapped in. And when you unlock that prison and set yourself free from that life sentence, then suddenly the world opens up in ways you didn't dream possible. Your parents were damaged. They had their own "stuff" to deal with, but they dealt with it in unhealthy ways that had such a negative impact on you. They were damaged unhealthy vulnerable children themselves, children who grew up without actually growing.

Where you are right now, in this moment, is providing you with an opportunity for deeper healing, Sam. Take that opportunity. Go with what feels right to you in the moment, meeting yourself exactly where you are. And you will grow and blossom, of that I have no doubt. Just keep walking your healing path. I send you love, light and continued healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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