Lingering Effects of Child Abuse: How Do I Get Out of Abusive Relationships?

by L.P.
(Charlotte, North Carolina, USA)

My mother is now 88 years old - my sister is 60, I am 56. My sister is still holding a grudge over things that I did when I was a teen. She states that I was the one that was always getting into trouble, I was the one that lived with guys, I was the one that did this and did that. My mother is still letting, not only me, but others know about things that I did when I was little. Both of them have not let up.

I recently wrote an email to my sister, stating that I humbly request her to not send any additional insulting emails to me and that she should find other things to do with her time than to rehash the past. I told her that what I did in the past was my life and that it had nothing to do with her. I told her that she is a negative individual that just likes to hold a grudge and pick on a sore. The fact that she still continues to bring up things that happened over 50 years ago has led me to feel very bad about myself.

I would love to cut all ties with her and my mother, however, I do have a wonderful son who now is 17, and have wanted him to feel like he's had some sort of family (which only is an illusion). Thank goodness both of them live in another state.

I can see how childhood insults can really stay with a person emotionally, even when you are an adult. This has colored my entire life, the types of men that I chose to replay my childhood out with - and to this day, unfortunately, I have chosen an emotionally abusive man to live with. I want to change things, however, I can not financially afford to do so. Please help me figure out a way to change my life and get out of abusive relationships.


Reply from Darlene: My answer to this Ask Darlene question "Lingering Effects of Child Abuse: How Do I Get Out of Abusive Relationships?" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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