I Trusted Nobody

by Beth L
(South Africa)

I was also sexually abused from the age of around 3 years old by a trusted member of our family. I had many issues in that I trusted nobody, not even my own brothers. I could also not show love and distanced myself from everyone including my own children.

I got married at aged 20 and that marriage turned out to be both verbally and physically abusive. I blamed myself. The guilt I was carrying was overwhelming, as was the disgust I felt for myself.

At age 41 I finally received some counseling and my life started changing. For the first time I realized I was worth something. Part of my therapy involved writing my feelings down and also writing letters to my abuser and mother whom I resented for not helping. This was such a relief. I could write whatever I wished, how I felt and what I thought of their actions.

At aged 44 I finally divorced after 24 and a half years. This finally led me to write a book called I am me which I published on Free-eBooks.net. I am finally free. Free of the hatred, free of the abuse and free to be me. And for all of this, I owe my thanks to my counselor, a wonderful woman who has been through so much herself.

The one thing I learned is that some people are very, very ill and once we can understand this we can also learn that things happen to make us better people.

Today, at age 53, I look at my experience as a lesson I needed to learn in order to be able to feel compassion for others. I'm not saying I have no more scars, I do. I just see my scars as a reminder to treat people with love, kindness, understanding and respect. I have forgiven my abusers because I understand just how sick they are, but I will never forget.

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