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Sep 11, 2014
Laurie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I completely understand your need for justice. The problem is, justice is out of your control. No matter what you do, even if you do get to court with this case, there is never any guarantee that there will be a conviction. Those who do get to court and end up with a not guilty verdict often go through re-victimized. They feel as though they haven't been believed. Again. This time from people with great authority (judge, jury or judge & jury). So if there is no way to control the outcome of "justice", then the only alternative is to change your perspective. Nothing you do will change what happened and what you endured. So given this and the fact that justice is out of your control, all that's left is what you can control. And what you can control is how you perceive what happened to you. When you say that you will stop being a victim when you get justice, you give up your power. You give it up to the system. As a child, you had no power with your abusers. You certainly have it now, but you must choose to use it. Chose to no longer be a victim. Then pursue justice, if that's what you're compelled to do. Only then will you be coming from a place of power. Your personal power. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve to live your life free from the shackles of that abuse. I send you love, light and healing energy, Laurie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 11, 2014
abuse by brothers
by: Anonymous

I get what you are going through and I must say that the only way I found peace was to confront my brother with the details of what I remember then to say I forgive you. That is the only sense of justice that matters to me, really. I can't live with the hurt and pain anymore, the disorientation, the acting out I have done. I have to let go and let God take care of the situation. I have not seen my brother since my wedding 27 years ago that i remember. He would try to get me to go visit him but i was so repulsed by my memories and his continued abuse verbally that I never went. It's better that way.
But I get a lot out of forgiving him for his behavior. He was a kid, too, really, and God knows what the family was treating him like really. I told my father what my brother had done - that he had molested me and that helped me with my father. But he passed away six months later. At least I got that feeling that he tried to understand me, my father.
Abuse is complicated. In alanon we learn that when someone is abusing us, we have to change ourselves. I know it doesn't seem right or fair, but it works, really.
Take care. God doles out justice in the end, really. My brother divorced his wife of 32 years and I wonder how much I had to do with that because of the unresolved situation with his abuse of me. But I will never know really.

Take care of yourself.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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From Victim to Victory
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