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Jan 22, 2018
 To Richard:
by: Darlene - Healing Coach

I had a mother similar to yours. And my father used kneeling-as-torture, too. Only he used salt, and when that wasn't "good enough", he resorted to making us kneel on heating vents that cut into us terribly. And the belt was the primary tool of torture, not just getting it, but witnessing, hearing my siblings' screams. It was easier to take it myself than it was to hear those torturous screams.

Everyone failed you, Richard. Your mother. Your father. Your coach. The school. The neighbours. Everyone. Those who did nothing turned a blind eye to a helpless vulnerable little boy. And there is no way others wouldn't have at least suspected you were being abused.

We're the same age. We grew up during a time that people didn't want to get involved. They viewed such treatment of children as none of their business. Or worse, that the child deserved it. Whether or not your life would have been different had you gone to college, it's my experience that what's at the core is so much deeper than that. College might have given you another skill, but the truth behind what you endured is far more life-reaching than anything some college professors could or would have taught you.

Thanking you for sharing with all of us here, Richard. As always, I send you loving healing energy, and hope for you going forward.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 23, 2018
 well for yourself
by: Anonymous

You did very well for yourself. I suppose we don't see it because of the shield of protection we put over our eyes to keep us safe from failure. Or thoughts of failure. You sound to be ambitions and smart and driven. Any one of those vocations would be called success for some. Working a job until tired I find is normal for most. Regardless of upbringing. I can love something until the cows come home but 30 years of it and the passion has faded. It's healthy to change things around and try different things. Giving up stability of a job for the unknown. It's a risk but you seem to have weathered those tides well. You succeeded despite your upbringing, everything to be proud of. I'm no highly educated person but from where I sit I wonder what a better childhood and better education would have been any different for you. You've done well. Congrats. Times were different. We were raised with that stuff. I think it made us darn strong. IMO. It didn't crush the human spirit it drove us. I know every negative at "home" drove me to be better than them. Wondering what we might have been and looking to the past is more applicable when we fail I think. With such success in everything you've done it sounds like you overcame things well. I like to say to myself you know I did ok. I'm not rich and could have done more. I can't blame all my failings on my own childhood. At some point I have to take account for myself. At some point we have to reach some state saying, we did ok. We are ok. On some level.

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From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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