Comments for Child Abuse Victims and Intimate Relationships

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Mar 10, 2009
Effects of sexual child abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Richard, I understand where you're coming from, but there is a great deal of difference between reaching out to emotionally disabled children who because of their resilient nature are still "reachable", and reaching out to an adult with understandable trust issues because as a child she was physically, sexually, emotionally and neglectfully abused. I'm not saying that Kay is unreachable; but because of her age, her defense mechanisms have become a way of life (survival actually) that are wholly ingrained in her.

As a child, Kay learned that SHE did not matter; she learned that her mother's needs were far more important than her own; she learned that mothers allow a child molester who has already molested her child to come back to re-molest; she learned that trusting men has serious consequences (founded in her case, unfounded in life overall); she learned that men are molesters (not all men are, but the man in her life was); she learned that she was alone to deal with the most heinous things a child could live with; she learned that no one in her life could be trusted. These were skewed lessons, of course. Not all men are molesters, nor are all mothers so self-absorbed that they would willingly offer their daughters to a sex offender. Kay has been very damaged by the series of criminal acts that were committed against to her. Will she ever come to trust you? I cannot say. She is definitely emotionally and intimately crippled at this point. And though you reaching out to her IS most certainly a testament to your caring and loving nature, and your commitment to this woman is what most women dream of, only SHE can seek out the help she really needs. Understanding from where she comes is important for you, but if you intend to stay committed to Kay, you also have to accept that she comes with a great deal of heavy baggage that she may or may not be able to let go of.

As for books, I cannot recommend any one in particular. If this is something you really do want to read about, I suggest going into your local bookstore and perusing the appropriate section on the subject matter. Perhaps some of my visitors who have experienced something similar may be of help here as well. Thank you for sharing yours and Kay's story with my visitors and me. Doing so clearing shows how the effects of sexual child abuse are life-long. I do wish you both all the best.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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